Sibling Rivalry - How do I get my father for a visit?

Question

I am the middle child in a family of five children.

My Mom passed away 7 years ago and my family has been torn apart ever since just before her passing when my youngest brother took it upon himself to put my Mom in a nursing home without input from all family members where she suffered horribly during the last 4 weeks of her life.

My question is: How does one go about getting their parent for a visit of at least a few days (preferably at least a week at a time) from a nursing home? My father will be 90 this week and was placed (without any prior family discussion with all siblings) in a nursing home by my youngest brother - who has medical POA.

I have tried repeatedly to get permission from my youngest brother to have my Dad for a visit (as was often done on several occasions in the past) from the Veteran's home while he is still in good health and my brother refuses to allow it. He will not even allow me to take him to the next floor to play Bingo.

I love my Dad and am a very caring person with him. Because I have no choice, I drive the 3-4 hours (round trip) almost every week to visit with him and, if allowed, feed and shower him and ready him for bed. We (my Dad and I) speak almost daily on the phone and I try to brighten his day and tell him about the outside world. I also make 3-way calls for him so he can talk to other family members and friends.

My brother and his wife have meanwhile sold off three of the four properties my parents owned and I (and at least one other sibling) have not been been included in any of the decisions or details of these transactions.

The family is torn apart.

My Dad would LOVE to have an opportunity to hear the summer band concerts, feel the fresh ocean breeze, chat with neighbors and friends who are his age and still living on their own, enjoy church services, and just be allowed to spend a little time outside of the care center where it is the same thing day in and day out... with not much stimulation.

My brother is egotistical and controlling and has cut off all contact with at least one other sibling and myself.

I really want to find a way to help my Dad - especially since he is still in good health and able to get around.

Is there any way to resolve this matter without hiring an attorney?

Answer 1

This is quite perplexing.

It appears greed is a player in this market.

In any family there is always one person that ends up taking care of the parents as they grow older.  Usually that person feels entitlement to the belongings since they are making all the decisions.  With a total of 5 siblings who else plays a significant role?  

It is a lot of work and time dedicated caring for your parents and he is obviously quite angry and upset possibly from the lack or help.  

It sounds like you want to help but face it being so far away it is real tough.

Your brother on the other hand is very selfish and will not allow you to see your dad, that does not sound wright, something else is going on.  Greed sounds good to me.

Get a copy of the will.  Find out from your dad what his wishes are.

I think if you arm yourself with knowledge, before getting an attorney you may be able to to get things worked out.  

  

  

Answer 2

Well..it either a lawyer or a couple of big guys with baseball bats to beat some sense into him.... you chose which one is better....

Answer 3

not really, you need to speak with one. He would be able to help you get your brothers medical power of attorney revoked. You can also have adult services check in with you dad and intervene for you. If they find that your dad is competate to make his own decisions, they can assist in having your brother removed from the medical power of attorney.