Sick and Tired, Having Money Issues In My Marriage?

Question

My husband and I've been married almost five years. Since the moment we meet we had money issues. I notice that when we got marry. Money was going to be the big factor. He didn't see it.....he saw "love". However I told him that love is fine but being financial stable will be better because we wouldn't have to rely on anyone!

Well it didn't turn out the way he plan it or myself. I have enroll in school full-time and so we can have something, but now there isn't enough money for books. I am so tired of this money factor the only solution I can think of is separating awhile until we can work things out......yes we have a child and I would never allow him not to see her. But I am the one to blame because I saw the red flags and went in with eyes close and ears close.

He refuse to sit down and talk to marriage counselor or get a second job. He only finish the ninth grade and I have finish high school and have two trades in the medical field. I just wanna go back to school to complete my education so I can live better with the field have chosen, with a degree.

He never really see from my point of view. It's so much pride from his end to the point of be just walking out and saying the h**l with it!

I need some advice from those who have been there or who are there because I am sick and tired!

Answer 1

all I read was what you want, need, he's NOT doing for you to better you....money, improvement, all about me.  Sounds pretty selfish and immature.  How about writing down how you feel and creating a list of pros and cons?  And asking him to do the same.  I agree with your husband.  Love, love conqueor all.  I would marry for love anyday.  Money is the root to all evil.  I think your approach is too harsh and one sided, pointing the blame at him is NOT going to solve any problems.  Take a look at yourself and what you can do, prehaps work a 2nd job???  My point is, don't point the finger at him...marriage is a union of 2 becoming 1, so whatever he is or is not doing, you are still held accountable to some degree.  Communication, and counseling

Answer 2

Dang woman you are selfish.

You are blaming him for everything.

Give him the child,  and you go back to school full time, and live in the dorms.  

And if you can find the time to get away from school life, and your studies go visit your child that will be great,

Your ninth grade hubby has his act more together then you ever will. Even if you earn a doctorates.

You state- He refuses to go to counseling...

He refuses to get a 2nd job,

You have 2 trades in the medical field and no job!

What CNA? AND Pharmacist Tech?

Or Medical Asst. and CNA?

(And even if he gets a 2nd job just so you can get a 3rd medical certificate won't change the fact that you will leave him soon after)

I would not see your point either.  You are not satisfied with your first medical field profession, you are not satisfied with your 2nd,  you are not satisfied with the money coming in now, and you don't care about him, or your child....

Just quit your marriage, and quit being a mom, and go hopefully become an RN (BSN) and become a traveling RN earn lots of money and send a little to your child once in awhile,

And go enjoy your freedom.

Go, go , go

That is what you want hear, right?

Answer 3

You do need financial counseling, it sounds like both of you would benefit from it.

Answer 4

WOW!

"Gee" I am impressed!  Good answer!

I was raised old school myself!  Good memories!  And I am all the stronger for it!

Answer 5

Some people have no concept of how to manage money. You gotta watch out for them, they'll keep you in the poor house if you don't take control over the situation.  

Answer 6

watch the dave ramsey show, it's on cable, he can give you sound advice on your issues. good luck to the both of you.

Answer 7

Go get a job with your trades in the medical field.  Wait until your situation is better and go back part time.  He will never find a better job and why should he work 2 jobs to support a student.  Separate.  You married this guy knowing he only has a ninth grade level.  Why not help him get a GED?  I see its all about you.

Answer 8

Money CAN be a problem but only if you let it.  I remember my childhood, "thoughskin" jeans from Sears, hand-me downs, our beat-up ford wagon, mom asking my grand parents for money so we could eat (etc.).  However, my  parents made it work and stayed married the whole time.  My parents are now retired but guess what, they aren't living on social security, they own a house (payed completely off and it is relatively nice), they have money for vacations, for grand kids, got me & my brother through college (we both have good jobs) etc. It is amazing what happens if you give these things time and both partners work at it (even through the struggle).

I'm not sure exactly of your situation but "trim" the fat.  Bottom line is you don't need to go out to eat, you don't need cell phones, you don't need new cars, you don't need new cloths, you don't need a computer, high-speed internet, cable TV etc.  Swallow your pride (h**l, me and my wife both make $140,000 a year and we still visit the good will..they got some nice stuff for a $1) and take steps to improve your situation (like you are doing).  Believe it or not, poor people CAN have a good time with-out spending money.  Hanging out with friends / family, playing domino's, spades (card game) etc.  You don't have to go bowling, to the new released movies (go to a $1 flick), big fancy vacations etc.  

Try not to nag your man or make him feel like he is a loser. Instead try things like "baby I need your help", "baby I can't do this a lone..I need my man".  Make him feel good about himself, make him feel needed (ie you are the man), play to his ego.

Also understand that the American dream has been corrupted over the years to border on materialism & greed.  If you can only define Happiness by the objects you have obtained & you become jealous over other peoples "stuff", you are in trouble.