Sick of...?

Question

people who can have kids telling us that can't to be happy to adopt a teenager that doesn't want a new mother to be greatful ?

Why is it wrong to want to adopt a younger child that is capable and wiling to share their lives with you, a older child may unwilling or unable to do attachment issues

Answer 1

It is up to you if you want to adopt a younger child that is your choice.  Don't let others tell you what to do if they are not living in that house with you and helping to raise the child.  A lot of work comes with adopting both a young child and a teenager but I understand what you mean by the teenager being unwilling or unable share their lives.  Do what makes you happy.

Answer 2

I don't think anyone is telling anyone that its bad to only want to adopt a young child.

But people are trying to let you know that there ARE successful adoptions of older children and they need homes also.

Adopting ANY child is a wonderful thing to do and i think adopting an infant, or a toddler is just as worthy of that praise for doing it.

But I do wonder why people who have adopted an infant in the past so have had their baby experience, or are a bit older and have grown or bio older/teen kids of their own don't consider an older child more often.  Some kids have been bounced around but there also are a lot of misconceptions thinking that all older kids in the foster system must be defective.  Not true.  sometimes a parent or guardian passes away when they are older.  And many times kids suddenly thrive when finally given structure and permanancy.   There was a local story about a 16 year old high school honor student that was at tops of her class and was adopted by one of her teachers (or at least she was trying to).  And "good kids" like that who strive to achieve are in the foster system too!

Or why older parents who have grown children feel they need to have a baby rather than use the skills and experience God gave them to help a little bit older child.

So no one is taking anything away from you - just know that adopting an older child doesn't come with all the horror stories that people think about.  Biological children can get into trouble as equally well as adopted ones can.

Answer 3

Just remember that younger children can be the same way and teens can want new parents.

Answer 4

The idea of theirs is great, but I think you have to be in the same boat to truly understand that desire to be able to nurture a child from infancy. I have been through 5+ miscarriages so far, and it has not been determined that my husband and I aren't capable of having children yet and I have never had someone make the comments to us directly about adopting, but I truly understand your pain and why you feel the way you do!

I think it comes with a degree of ignorance. Because they can bare a child and it isn't something they have think about, they don't realize the pain we feel because we may not ever have that same wonderful experience in life. If you are in the position to be able to adopt multiple children, or do so out of the goodness of your heart despite already having birthed children, the recommendation of adopting an older child is great!

However to people in our situations, I think people need to think again and try to place themselves in our shoes for just a moment before they make such comment! It would hurt me so and I am so sorry someone made you feel even worse about it when it is already soooo hard!   *hugs*

And for those that want to criticize, despite this reality- I, myself grew up in the State system. I was a teenage girl that they could not find a foster home for because no one wanted a female- especially a p*****n!  I believe if you can let one of these kids that need it into your home - that makes you truly special and you are doing something great!  But how DARE anyone condemn a woman for wanting to feel as close as she can get to motherhood at least once in life - a blessing in life that everyone should have the right to experience!!!!!!!!

Answer 5

I was adopted and I understand wanting to adopt a younger child. I was adopted at 2 weeks old and It still messed my whole life up so don't think because we had no control over it when we are younger we still may not want the change in our life's to happen. And not wanting to adopt an older child does make since but it leave the child with a growing since of rejection as they grow with no home.  We should help these older children.

Answer 6

Most or a lot of people want younger kids...but there happen to be more older kids available for adoption than younger or newborn kids. I feel so bad for the older kids. People who can't have kids shouldn't be so particular with the age. They ought to be happy with any age they can get. Many older kids are just so happy to have a permanent family.

Answer 7

It is not wrong to adopt a younger child if that's the age that suits your family!! You just do what's best for you!!! Kudos to you for giving a child a place to belong and be loved!

Answer 8

I have four biological children and believe that families who cannot conceive their own biological children are still entitled to the joys and experiences of nurturing an infant.  While I think that too many older children get lost in the system because they aren't as sweet and lovable as a newborn or toddler, I think it requires a very specific kind of person to become an instant parent to an older child because there are a lot of issues to deal with.  I can't have any more biological children but have thought several times of how I'd like to adopt when my children are more grown.  I know that I would want an infant, even if I had to go 1/2-way around the world to get them.  It'll probably never happen for me since my husband is quite content with our family as it is, and so am I.  Besides, you practically have to give up the idea of retiring EVER if you want to adopt.  The costs are astronomical.

Answer 9

Ignore the b******s.

If you want to adopt a baby.  Do so.

Yes I agree I am sick of people telling me how I should feel.  Adopt your baby.

Answer 10

Yes, you deserve a younger child. I personally would never be so condescending as to say that you should be grateful for what you get. I will pray for you and your family to get a baby, or at least a younger child, you seem deserving to me. God Bless.

Answer 11

There are plenty of teenagers who want new parents. Take the time to get to know the kids before you pass judgement on them!

Answer 12

All children should have families regardless of age.  But it is your choice what you feel most comfortable with.  Don't let others bully you or give you grief.  Adoption is a beautiful thing regardless of the child's age - some people just cannot understand that.