Sick of trying to please everyone!

Question

I'm getting married in march next year, so far I have organised everything myself, including dresses, table decs, transport etc. What are your bridesmaids meant to do? Because so far, my sister threatened to not be my bridesmaid of honour, my best Friend falls out with me if I don't have enough time to come round with her dress and my other bridesmaid moans about her dress - even though I have a seamstress lined up to fix it (she loves the dress but finds the straps a bit loose). I just wondered if anyone else felt totally unsupported by their bridesmaids.

Answer 1

Yep that's me too!!!

I think they should create some sort of a wedding support group where we just wouldn't have to pick bridesmaids anymore and just have the whole support group there to help and then invite them to the wedding.

I honestly stopped caring. I laid an agenda for them. Send them the website and picture of the dress and they're to get it and have it tailored to their liking. I refuse to go and listen to them nag every two seconds.

I was really looking forward to this being a time where we can strengthen our friendships and then after take beautiful pictures reminiscing the times we went shopping for this or that... instead I find myself wanting to say: "you know what... just come to the wedding as a guest, I'm not in the mood for your attitude anymore!"

Everyone feels like they have an authoritative figure and get mad if I don't buy the wedding gown they picked!!! Oh and then there's family friends who all feel like they just have to give opinions on EVERY SINGLE THING! For the love of God!

Anyway... thanks for making me rant... I needed that!

All the best to you.  

Answer 2

You maid of honour should want to help you, presumably she is your best friend and that's just what best friends do. Tell your bridesmaids to stop whinging and explain that you're finding it all a bit difficult and would like some help. True friends will see that your upset and try to help as much as they can. Good Luck

Answer 3

well it happens sumtimes.. n tht wen u relaize hw gd those ppl are..the true them is showing now..

Answer 4

Wow, that's really awful that your friends are being so unsupportive. It's your day, not theirs and to be honest I'd tell them that if they don't start helping instead of hindering, you can always find some new bridesmaids. Their demands are so selfish!

My maid of honour was fantastic. She found a venue for me, tracked down my dress, went with me for fitting and flowers and generally made the whole thing so painless. I don't think I could have asked for a better friend.

Stand up for yourself girly and keep repeating to yourself - it's my day not theirs and get them in line!

Answer 5

I thought that asking your loved ones to be your bridesmaids was to honour them as your friends and the people who have supported you, not to have a set of slaves to do your bidding.. I can honestly say that it never occured to me to expect my bridesmaids to do anything other than join in the fun. They WERE kind and helpful, and when they offered to do things like picking up  items for the wedding I was very grateful...perhaps that's why we are all still close friends.  

Answer 6

sit them all down and have a grown up talk. tell your sister that this is your big day and you want her to be a part of it. being the maid of honor is an honor in itself and also comes with some big jobs. she should be setting up your bridal shower, helping plan (but not taking over) your wedding plans, and making sure everything runs smoothly on the big day. Tell her if she loves you, she'll stop hurting your feelings and threatening to remove herself from your wedding.

tell your other friend that you have a life to run in addition to trying to plan your wedding and can't drop everything to meet her personal timing needs. figure out a time that works best for both of you and remind her to be flexible with your now twice as busy schedule.

as for the third friend, tell her to relax. your seamstress will make sure her dress fits her the way she wants it. try to reassure her everything will fall into place.

that's so unfair for your bridesmaids to be acting this way. I'm sure once you voice your feelings (you have enough stuff to stress over) they'll realize they are being really selfish and start helping. If not, can your mom and future mother in law pitch in a bit? I know most mother in laws feel honored when the bride asks for their help and are more than willing to help you out.

good luck and congrats!!!

Answer 7

Bridesmaids, especially the maid of honor, are supposed to be supportive and help out during and prior to the wedding. That's their job, that's what the role is intended for. I'd discuss this with them, and tell them how you feel. It's supposed to be your special day, and it's their job to help make it that special. Otherwise, I'd suggest getting new bridesmaids :)

Answer 8

We opted not to have a bridal party at all because this is just another headache to add to the wedding planning, which is stressful enough. It was a wonderful decision on our part.  

Answer 9

I do not expect anything from my BM, therefore I'm not one bit dissapointed... but pleasently surprised. I only wanted them to show up, and luckily, all of them will be there, so that alone has exceeded my expectations.

I only have one incident with the dress code, I told then to get a black solid cocktail dress, and one got a black eyelet cotton dress. She wanted the other ones to dress down so they will match her frumpy one (the nerve!) anyway, I had  to tell her that it's my wedding and I set the rules!

Good luck

Answer 10

Well as much as the "job" entails helping they have lives of their own and things to do and in the end its your wedding.  You can ask for help but generally it's the bride left with the bulk of it.  They are there to help you on your big day.  

Answer 11

Oh yes I feel your pain. My maid of honor lived in NY and my only bridesmaid that lived here in FL was my sister-in-law so needless to say I did everything myself. Even my mom didn't help except with my dress. I know it's hard but try not to stress too much and remember it's your wedding!

~MLF~

Answer 12

Well done for organising everything yourself. It's disappointing when family and friends seem to be upsetting you in this way. They seem to think that it's no big deal being asked to be bridesmaid, and that you'll be the one supporting them.

Is there any way of speaking to them and asking them if they really want to be part of your wedding.

This is meant to be about you.

All the best on the big day:)

Answer 13

I agree with another answerer that you should sit them all down with you and have  supper with some drink and tell them how unsupported you feel.

They may not think of how you might be feeling.

Maybe check they are still happy to be bridesmaids and if not then for them to say no or forever hold their tongues!

Maybe get a list drawn up prior to the meeting of things you need help with that they could do and then ask for volunteers?

Good luck