Side effects of emotionally abusive relationships?

Question

What are they...?

I think I have them.

Now how do I get rid of them?

Don't say therapy...did that already.

Answer 1

I'm now married to a wonderful guy.

Before I met my husband, I was in a "relationship" that can only be described as emotionally abusive.  

My ex became cruel and disrespectful over a period of time.   We dated throughout high school and shortly after that.   Looking back, I cannot believe that I tolerated his abuse for so long.  

But it is simple...I had very low self-esteem, few friends, and he took advantage of that.   He was the first man who ever told me I was special, pretty, and worthwhile.    So I blindly became addicted to a destructive relationship because I needed to feel loved.

He would call me dumb, stupid, idiot, small-minded, assh*le, *****, wh*re,  etc.   He allowed his friends and family to disrespect me.   He cheated on me and caught an STD...then lied about it.  He never supported me when times were tough.   He actually tried to pimp me out to his cousin once.   He drove my car and deliberately damaged it out of spite.     He humiliated me terribly in front of his friends about two years ago by "joking" about how stupid I supposedly was.      I completely snapped then.    I threw beer on him in retaliation and walked away.    

I'm with a wonderful, caring, supportive person now...but like you, I still suffer daily.   My self-esteem has been chipped away almost completely because of my experiences.    Not only with him, but nearly everyone who has been in my life at some point.   I still feel this despair and sadness, like I don't deserve my husband.   My ex was a loser but I still feel like I deserved his abusive treatment.   Deep down, I feel unworthy of being loved.  

He didn't hit me...but he did so much damage to my emotional and mental state.  

I cannot advise you as to how you can deal with this.   My way is to simply take it slow.    Realize that it is NOT your fault.   You did not deserve to be treated with disrespect.   You are worthy of love, respect, and happiness.   Your ex was a mistake that you made.   It was a learning experience.    Use the pain of your experience to make you a better, wiser  person.   I've developed so much wisdom and strength now that I'm free of my ex.   I'm still in a lot of pain...but I learned a lot.    

Answer 2

I was in two emotionally abusive relationships. I can't say what the general side effects are for most women, but I can tell you what I have experienced. I became depressed and the abuse wore down on my self-esteem. My boyfriends both called me "w***e", "s***k", "s**t," etc. It made me feel so horrible and worthless. They spread nasty rumors about me and many people believed them.

I tried therapy as well. It did not help and the psychiatrist I saw actually made me more depressed.

I love the book "Nice Girl Syndrome". It just came out this past July so check out your local book store. It describes the type of girl that is in an abusive relationship. I cared way too much what people thought of me and I would always give my bf the benefit of the doubt. I would always defer to men. Nice Girls use the logic that if you are nice to people, they will be nice back. Girls and women that are too nice attract the wrong type of people. They attract men that will emotionally abuse them. Men see their niceness as a weakness and use it to manipulate the girl.

I was extremely nice to my boyfriend. I thougth that would make him "love" me. It just made him see me as weak and easy to manipulate.....

I highly recommend that book!! Don't let that guy win!! Develop self-esteem and a belief in yourself. Go to school or if you are in school, try to be as successful as you can be. You can do anything you set your mind to.

I can't speak for all abused women, but getting my self-esteem back came from being successful in college and being respected by my professors. My professors alway scommented that I had the highest grade in the class and what a good writer I was. It made me believe in myself and gain some self-esteem.

I don't recommend getting into a new relationship. First, you need to gain back your self-esteem and focus on school/work/career. Get a fantastic education so you can be an independent woman. If you ever again have a boyfriend that starts being emotionally abuse, you can then kick him to the curb immediately because you will be independently wealthy and you won't need a man.

I wish you the best luck!!! Don't let him win!