Single Dad needs help...daughter has become Boss of the pre-school...:\?

Question

My daughter is 2.5yrs. I signed her up for a 2.5-5yr camp program 2 mornings a week while I'm in class so she could socialize. Rina has fantastic social skills, shares fine, keeps her hands to herself etc, but she has become the Boss at camp according to the teacher. Rather than playing w/ the bikes outside w/ the others, she stands gaurd w/ the teacher and yells at the ones who crash into each other. If one kid pushes/takes something/doesn't follow the rules etc, she goes up to them and makes a point. The teacher told me that I need to correct the issue by setting an example at home..but I'm not all that sure how to do that. She's not bossy at home and doesn't do this with others.

Any advice on how to fix this problem?

Answer 1

" I don't think your daughter is trying to be bossy as much as she is just looking up to the teacher and copying what she sees her doing. It could be she is bored at preschool. She isn't excited by the activities available to her. "

Your daughter is 2.5yrs and at that age, they tend to copy things adults do, ESPECIALLY when they're bored. Also, when they're doing something wrong, being "punished" for it 2-3hrs later does nothing. At that age, they don't associate past actions with present consequences.  If the teacher sees a problem at school, it should be corrected THEN AND THERE. If the problem was also at home, it would be your responsibility to correct the problem and for the correction to be reinforced in school.

I really don't think she is doing anything really wrong. My only suggestion would be to tell you daughter to enjoy camp and to play with the other kids. If she wants to help the teacher out, she should ask permission to help do things such as pass out supplies, clean up, ring a bell etc.

But personally, if she was my kid, I would find another program or be done with the school after this summer. What a nut job...

Best Wishes =]

Answer 2

she isnt being bossy she is imitating the teacher

Answer 3

Sounds just like my son when he was around that age. He went to pre-school at 3yrs and started saying things to kids who didn't listen, didn't follow the rules, didn't keep their hands to themself etc. He would play with other kids, but as soon as he saw an issue, he was on it! He would get right into the kids face and make a comment, scaring the kid! The teacher made a comment to me 2ms into school about it and told me that I needed to explain to him that it wasn't his job to discipline the other children.

I told him simply that it was the teacher's job to handle kids who misbehaved and not him. He then said to me, "Well, she isn't doin' her job very well." lol. I then said that if there was a big problem where it looked like someone could get hurt, he should bring it to the teacher's attention. For little things, he could simply ask the person to stop doing whatever they were doing wrong, but there was no reason to get into their face and make a big point.

It took a couple of reminders that there was an adult in the room from the teacher, but he eventually got the hang of it. Hey, at least she's not tattling every 5 seconds or causing the problems! ;)

Good luck!

Answer 4

Your little girl sounds like a natural-born leader, and mother hen :)  If the teacher is the one who has a problem with it, then I feel the teacher should be the one to divert her attention, encourage her to play instead of mind the others.

This isn't happening at home, only at school, and 2.5 is way too young for her to understand what you tell her about school while at home -- the teacher should understand that as well.

I say, encourage the teacher to suggest Rina play with the other kids -- she isn't just there to babysit, she is there to nurture and guide the children -- I think the teacher is the one in need of a talking to, imho

Answer 5

Leave her be, kids pick up things from their surronding, shes probs copying the teacher and others that shes seen.

Ive seen loads of kids do it, and their doing no harm

Answer 6

In your home, your daughter has become the female head of the household.  She takes extra responsibility in order to help you run the house.  At school, she sees herself as being in an adult role.  That is why she would rather 'assist' the teacher instead of acting like a child.  She sounds like a future leader!  However, at this point, you want her to act like the child that she is.  Make it clear that she needs to have fun with the other children and let the teacher do her job.  Explain that the teacher is upset because Rina appears to be doing the job that the teacher wants to do.  It may be hard for her to give up this role she has taken on so you will need to be vigilant about stressing that she must behave as a child during this camp.  She needs to just relax and enjoy it.

Answer 7

The teacher is an idiot and I'd think twice about leaving my child in her care. Your daughter is doing nothing wrong. If the teacher is unhappy with it then she needs to correct it as it is happening. Fixing it at home is pointless. Your daughter is 2.5. For her one thing has nothing to do with the other. The teacher needs to try to engage her in other activities. I find it telling that your daughter is yelling at the kids. Obviously she is doing what she sees the teacher do--so is the teacher yelling at the kids? I don't think your daughter is trying to be bossy as much as she is just looking up to the teacher and copying what she sees her doing. It could be she is bored at preschool. She isn't excited by the activities available to her.

I'm not sure what to tell you. I seriously do not see that your daughter is doing anything wrong. At 2.5 she is just observing the world around her and reacting to it. Wow, I wish I could have a word or two with that teacher.

Edited to add: Also, many children will come across as bossy because they don't like chaos and they want people to follow the rules so that certain activites are fun and enjoyable to all involved. It doesn't sound like that is the case here. I think she is just taking on the role of her teacher. But still...the teacher needs to help with this instead of laying it all on you. The behavior is happening on HER watch. It would be different if we were talking about an older child that you could talk about the situation with in a logical manner.

Answer 8

it doesn't sound like she's being bossy rather then she's being a caretaker/watcher/leader. You need to explain that the teacher is there to watch the children and will do a good job, that she needs to ask if she can help out in the classroom in other ways that she feels will develop her leadership skills without stepping on anyones toes. You have a future teacher/leader there develop that and be proud, she'll do great things if you nourish her desire to lead.

Answer 9

Tell her to chill