Single Mom's - How do you do it?

Question

I see so many questions on here saying that these mom's don't need the support from the father, how can they terminate rights or whatever.

How in the world do you do it without support?

I'm not receiving child support from my son's father and I'm slowly drowning. I'm getting ready to have a massive yard sale and yes, that will help me out for a little while, but it won't end the issues.

So, if you are a single mom and don't receive support from your child's father... How do you do it???

Am I missing something?

Answer 1

I had to work two jobs on and off for a few years, usually during the summer season. I would save as much money as possible during those times to help me through the hard times. I was a server in a restaurant for most of my part-time jobs, which is really good money. I usually made 100-200 dollars per night so saving was pretty easy. I was also on a very strict budget, which I managed to stick to like glue! Often times there was $25.00 per week for food. Eggs, cheese, milk and bread can go a longgggggggg way! I did what I had to. I was fortunate to have wonderful friends who were happy to help me with child care. My family was not so supportive (Catholic family who did not believe in divorce. blah) in the early years following my divorce but they did eventually come around and helped out when they could. My ex-mother-in-law was also wonderful. She would drop off boxes of food at least once every few months.

This was 25+ years ago so I understand that it is much harder today. I know that you do not want to get any services and I admire that. However, you can always try to get childcare assistance from your local services office. Also, food stamps if you can. Even though I also did it without assistance or child support, I believe that the system SHOULD be set up for people like you first and foremost. You are trying, with all you have. You should not feel guilty......you deserve it! If you can, please try to get anything you can. IT IS OK!!

I wish you luck........loads of it! It will get easier with time. hug!

EDIT** oopps.......you do not qualify for assistance. I didn't either. The system is very messed up! What a shame!

Answer 2

I know you said that you don't want any gov't assistance, but there is no shame in taking advantage of certain programs out there- like WIC. Someone told me about Angel Food Ministries which operate in many states, not sure if yours is one of them. You are already probably careful with your spending but cutting some of these food costs is huge.  My grocery bills are climbing and I buy the same things every week pretty much. Now I am not a single mom, so I can't speak from experience but I am a mom on a tight budget.  I browse Childrens' Orchard a lot when they need new clothes because 9 times ouf ot 10 they have brand new stuff in season clothes which are a fraction of the price.  I sometimes also look into thrift stores and consignment shops or ebay for some of my own things, because even just getting a new top for myself for $5 makes me feel like I can still afford to do something nice for myself once in a while.  And I make sure I take care of that top and always try to make myself look nice. Part of it is how you feel, not just the bottom line. Find something that will lift your spirit even though you're struggling. And don't be afraid to ask for help because it's there.

Answer 3

We are mothers and we make it work! IT is hard, and i do struggle sometimes, im not going to lie, but, it is for my kids! I want to give them the best i can! There are many things i try to do to make some extra money... watch kids on the weekends, or after school get them from their bus stops and take back to my house til their parents get off of work. I just dont buy things that are a want, i always try to buy just needs. I also get some help with my daughter, since she is special needs and that is amazing! Without that, i would not know what to do! I do not work, i stay at home with my kids!

Answer 4

i came to realize that i needed it. i orig wanted to put it in a savings account for my son but, everytime i get the money i find that i need gas, groceries and god knows what else.

i feel your pain though. this week i got paid and had to pay rent. I am left with 120 crappy bucks for the next two weeks. i almost want to give up. i am in tears with every paycheck. i cant pay my bills on time ever. i dont know what to do anymore. i thought about a sec job too for the weekends. but is two days really gonna make all that of a difference for us in money??? people always tell me that "oh its just money" but you know what these people have a sec income coming in and have no flippin clue to what we go through and thats even with child support! i am sad, depressed and frustrated that there seems to be no end at all. All I can do is try my hardest to keep my head up and look for a light. but, lately things have been sooo dim. if you ever want to talk you can email me at [e-mail].  i think i am going to have to apply for food stamps next friday since i am off. its bad when you go to the store to get som fiber pills and say that 10 dollars is too expensive. im afraid to spend a single flippin cent and it shouldnt be that way...for no one.

Answer 5

That's why when I hear of women stripping at night to support their children I feel sympathy for them, I don't talk sh*t about them and people want to judge them and say all sorts of rude things about them, but I KNOW they don't want to be doing that but it's the only job that they can do without having an education that will pay the bills!  I would do anything to keep food on the table and provide a somewhat decent life for my children, thank God I don't have to but I won't look down upon women who have to do degrading jobs to make ends meet.

Wazat - I respect single Dads, I think it's really commendable and your child will love you and be grateful to you for that!

Good Luck to you Johnny's Mommy, I hope you find a way.

EDIT:  what I don't understand is why the absent parent who doesn't have custody doesn't work their butts off to give as much money as possible for THEIR child!  You would think they'd want to make up for the time they are missing with them by providing a better quality of life!  Not only do the children have to go through the pain of parents being separated but they have to live through poverty!

Answer 6

I've done this for 15 years all by myself.  There have been those "angels" in my life that have helped, but for the most part it's been just me.  We have had our rough times for sure,  and still do cause it's not always easy.  I work 2 jobs and my son is now at an age where he works and has his own money to buy his stuff he wants and needs.  There really is help out there,  and there is no shame in asking for help like food assitance and WIC,  you have to do what you can for the sake of your child.  I look back now and think I did a pretty good job!   He plans on going in the Navy after graduation!  I wish you the best of luck,  and you will make it,  if I did so can you!

Answer 7

I was a single dad . I didn't get any support till he was 11.

Then it was only 25 a week .

Now its 25 a week and he is 16.

Are you telling me your life would be great if you had 25 extra dollars a week ?

I barely notice.

She pays more for cigarettes than she does on child support.

i went to welfare , and they told me to give him to foster care till I "get on my feet".. I said , no thanks.

I'm a little bitter , but I won't offend you for the phrasing of your question , but....

I found there is little sympathy or recognition for single fathers.

There is a "be a man" mentality.

I was young , my mom passed away 3 years prior , many public assistance programs exclude men.

My wife that I married at 21 , was not the woman I hoped she was. That was my only sin. I always felt like people thought I deserved this suffering.

She cheated on me with a guy she met at bingo (56 y.o.)

I have NEVER had anyone acknowledge my job of raising him alone a commendable endeavor.

Answer 8

No, you're not. It's extremely hard to make ends meet.

I live in the UK.

I have received only £97 from my kids father. He left 20 months ago and the CSA took that money direct from his wages in June this year,so until then he'd not paid a penny.

I drew up an "income and expenses" chart on which I wrote exactly how much money I have each month at the top and then I listed what I need to pay out for (utility bills,food,etc.)  out of that money - I'm usually spent up before I can afford to put any away towards the clothing,shoes haircuts etc, but if there is an excess at all, then I leave it in the bank until one of the kids needs something like that.

I can't imagine that we'll ever be able to take a holiday away or anything like that whilst we're living this way - which gets me down - but I'm thankful for my children and we all have our health so I can't really complain.

All I can do is hope I land myself an amazing job which pays me enough to cover the fact that there are no longer two incomes for the house - or win the lotto!!!

Wazat - I just read your answer - you are right about the attitude towards single dads - and it's wrong. You are just as fantastic as single mothers.

Answer 9

Wow do you sound like my mom right now.

I am 13 so I am not a single mom or anything, but my mom is. My dad left when I was 7 1/2 and the last time I heard from him was the day after my 8th birthday. He is in so much child support debt and it gets to us. When my mom and "that man" got a divorice, he left her with all the credit card debt to pay off, which she still is! So we can't get any loans out, we can't buy a car, a house, we can't go on any vacations, one week it got so bad, that we couldn't get like anything at the grocery store. It's getting a little better now that my mom is saving and is getting raises, but he is supposed to be paying for health insurance, doctors appointments and so much more, but guess who's paying that? MY MOM! We recently found an address to or his work and I have sent him a letter. Anyways, he is being paid a lot (knowing what he does for a job) and we are still not getting what we are supposed to be getting so obviously he is also being paid under the table.

If you know where he is, bring him to court. Lawyers do cost alot of money and I'm sure you know that, but would you rather spend some money on a lawyer and get all the money you deserve from him or not get anything and continue how you are. Can anyone in your family help you out for a couple months while you take him to court. What he is doing is not legal so you CAN take him to court and get what you and your son deserve!!!

I HATE hearing these stories because I know how it feels to grow up without a caring father. As much as moms try, the children still think it is all their faults and they grow up with a horrible self esteem. Here is a website that you can print off coupons of your choice. www.couponbug.com . Try not to go a lot of places in your car since gas.

Sorry I wasn't much of a help.

Good luck and don't give up!

Answer 10

What kind of job do you have is my first question.

Do you pay for child care? It is not easy I know, why are you not getting support? You can apply for gov. aid but please don't abuse it there are so many people that do.

Email me maybe we could chat.

Daycare - what state do you live in?? In Indiana there is a program that will help pay for that.

Child support go to the prosecuters office and file a complaint they will follow up with it and it does not cost you anything.

Answer 11

Goverment assistance

Answer 12

I'm not a single mom but my b/f is a single father. He has had her for the last 2 1/2 years and has only gotten 7 child support payments (given by the great grandparents on the mothers side). He never had government assistance or anything and I guess all the overtime he gets helps and he ALWAYS does side jobs. He makes good money as a lineman but the child doesn't get everything she wants and since we have been dating I usually buy her new clothes here and there. Your situation would be harder as your baby is sooo much younger and is growning out of things and needing certain things more than a 3 year old. Once he gets older it will be a lot easier.

Answer 13

Some people are just too proud to admit they need help. I'm in the same boat with you. My ex husband left the family and hasn't paid a dime of his court ordered support or anything. What cowards they are!

We're the strong ones!

edit: yeah, my ex husband works under the table too, to avoid paying for the child he wanted so badly. Nice, huh?