Single moms! what should i do? what do u think?

Question

the guy that ive been seeing was talking about starting a life with me and moving in together and getting married. I finally told him im pregnant (by someone else). i was pregnant when we began dating. He is a bit put off about this - understandably. BUT he says if i have a girl everything will be fine but hes scared baby may be a boy and then hed have to be responsible for turning him into a man and being the primary man he looks up to. The real father is not involved. Are his feelings legitimate?

.....what should i do? just move on or how do i convince him itll be okay? I understand he wont do anything he doesnt want to but i feel he does want to but is just scared. what does it sound like to u?

Anybody ever said anything like that to you other single moms?

Answer 1

Your guy initially sounds awesome....sticking by you having somebody else's child and all. But then as you read on he actually sounds quite immature?! It shouldn't be a question of the s*x of the child that determines whether he sticks around and works at it or not. Is he going to make a go of it or not, regardless of the child's s*x? Cos you need to know and you have so much to plan for. And whatever s*x the child may be, he has to be "responsible" regardless! If his intentions and feelings to you are true, it shouldn't matter what s*x the baby is. You need people around you that are going to support you and not make you feel bad if you have a son!  

Answer 2

No one ever said anything like that to me.

It scares me that he thinks he could be man enough for a little girl to look up to but not man enough for a boy to look up to.  A boy and a girl both need a man to look up to - it is equally important for the same and different reasons.  

He sounds really dumb and non-commital.  I would drop him.

Answer 3

You are not a single mom yet, wait until you go days without sleep. Working, caring for that baby, paying pills. Being both mother and father to that baby.

I feel it is selfish to bring any man into the situation other then the babies father. Been there done it.

If this new guy wants to stick around as a friend, cool you will need friends.

But to expect him to be a father to your child is asking way to much right now. Think of how he must be feeling.

You really need to learn to stand on your own two feet and learn to deal with being pregnant then being a single mother when that baby is born. This relationship does not sound stable nor one that will last long.   Do the right thing by that baby and live for him/her, put yourselves wants and needs aside right now.

Good luck, being a single parent is no cake walk and you will soon find that out when you are a single mother.

Answer 4

well, it sounds like he is afriad of raising a child but if he really loved you...he would help you raise your baby. Im so happy that you choose to keep the baby! :)

Answer 5

Okay, I've kind of been there.  So I'm gonna give you the best advice I can really.

I was pregnant and had dumped the guy.  I got back together with my ex (we had been together 4 years and broke up for a stupid reason for several months).  He knew I was pregnant and considering abortion when we got together, he knew the fetus wasn't his.  Eventually we decided together against abortion and that we'd raise the child as our own.  I disagree that it's selfish to have a man that isn't the father co-parenting with you, especially if he adopts the child...but even if he doesn't - biology and legalities DO NOT make a family.  LOVE does.

My partner is the legal father of my son, the bio father pays child support and calls every now and again but isn't really involved.  

What you and your boyfriend need to decide is how strong you are as a couple, and if he really wants to help you raise this child before your relationship can go any further.  That "Oh I have to turn him into a man" line he's giving you though is a load of c**p.  You don't need a man to make a man, many women have brought up very strong and wonderful men.  Tell him not to worry on that one.

Answer 6

Assuming I understand the scenario correctly, I think you should wonder why he feels as if he won't need to be a role model for a female child.  All children need parents and role models.  Fathers matter for boys AND girls, not just the former.

Answer 7

I may not be a single, pregnant mom, but I'm a single father of two beautiful boys (3 & 5 years old). I have been in the same situation, where my girlfriend knew that I was a widower, with 2 children. She told me she would love to move in and start a life with me, but the boys were going to be too much hard work for her to take care of (I never asked this of her) and that she felt that if they were girls, it would've been easier.

I'm very sorry, but if my partner cannot accept my children, and love them as much as she loves me, then there is no place for her my life. My boys are a part of my life, and are part of the package. Honestly, I would move on, because a partner should love you unconditionally. He sounds shallow, and needs to grow up.

Answer 8

I think you are moving too fast. You need to figure out what you want to do. Not what is convenient. Things happen for a reason, figuring out the reason is hard. Do not be afraid to do this alone. It is hard having a family with different dads or moms. Will you feel secure that he will not resent your baby. Are you over the dad? It is too soon to make this decision. Please think it out. Things are happening too fast. You are barely out of a relationship and thinking of another one before there is complete closure from the last one. Take your time and think of the future. The world does not stop because you are pregnant. Life goes on, just try to make a smart well thought out decision. Don't say later " I never thought about that". Weigh all your pros and cons. God Bless.

Answer 9

I have never heard that before. When I got with my man I already had a 1 year old boy. He started treating him like his own from the beginning. Now we have 2 more kids together. The s*x of the baby really shouldnt matter because either way he will be a role model. Come out and ask him whats up. If he isnt comfortable with the idea dont push him because the last thing you want to do is bring a baby into a stressful environment. if hes not on it then let him go

Answer 10

sounds like he is really scared on top of knowing that it's not his child and he is very afraid that he will come to love this child and help you raise them. It's very normal for him to feel this way. I would suggest you let him know that you do plan on going after child support from the babies real dad, even if he isn't in the picture, you need to do that. You don't want the current bf to be finically responsible if things don't work out, you want the real father to do that.