Single mother. 13yr. old daughter. She hates me and spends the night with her boyfriend. I work nights.?

Question

When I go to work she has the house to herself. Her brother (12) is there but has no control over her. She does what she wants when I go to work. Has boys over and smokes cigs and pot. I have no control over her. I'll be honest, she has actually hit me when I try to restrict her as in taking away t.v. stereo, and internet. I'm not afraid of her (although she does have a good punch) but I'm not allowed to hit back, and I am mentally unable to do more than spank as a physical punishment ( I cannot draw a fist at my own child). I go to work ( at night) she either has boys over or goes to their house after I leave. Her father is in jail and cannot help. I would prefer not to have authorties involved ...Juvie in Indiana cost over $100 per day (thanks for the help). They do not do overnight scares like I would like to do for her. She is heading down the wrong road and I can't get her turned around. I've even considered military or christian school but I can't afford.

Answer 1

Ok what are you doing leaving a 13 and 12 year olds home alone at night! They are going to test there limits and hello you are letting her get by them!

First you need to get a day job! You need to be there to put a stop her! Then you need to mend the relationship between you and her! Do you want another kid? If something is not done you are going to end up being a grandmother sooner than later! She is too young to have boys staying over and going to there house staying over! She is a teenager she is going to try to get by with everything and HELLO you are letting her! Its going to be hard to break this habit so you better get started right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 2

Something has gone wrong with the mother-daughter relationship. Why does she hate you?

You have no control over her! Seems you have no control over yourself too!

If you believe this "She is heading down the wrong road and I can't get her turned around"

Then i suggest you'd better have the authorities in to help her out.(To turn her to the right way)

Answer 3

I understand that you don't want to involve the authorities, but you may not have much choice in the matter. Things will get so much worse (for the both of you) if she is stopped by the police for her activities.

Here in NY state there is a program through the police dept called PINS (Persons in Need of Supervision). It is for children and teens just like your daughter. They are given a curfew, they are monitored, and they are held responsible for their actions.  

Check with you local police dept to see if it is available to you. If not, they may have something similar.

Answer 4

Sounds like she is not mature enough or responsible enough to be alone at night.  You need to hire a babysitter.  I have a 12 1/2 yo daughter and would NEVER consider leaving her alone at night this young, EVER.

Answer 5

Why dont you switch shifts and work first shift while they are in school.  That way your always home with her.

Answer 6

i think ur child is looking for attention from u and maybe ur not there because r always working/busy?? this is her way of getting the attention that she CRAVES from you.

also the cigs/pot & boys is her way of dealing with the face that her dad is in prison - this must make her feel isolated & unhappy which is why she says she hates you.

a piece of advice would be to only shower her with positive attention for eg when she does something good - praise her

something bad - ignore her

this is how she'll learn that the only way to get ur attention is through good behaviour.

Answer 7

I agree that if she hits you again you should call the cops. That behavior is inexcusable and its illegal and maybe, just maybe, they'll put her in a cell with some leering L*****n who will convince her that this really isn't the way she wants to be spending her life.

OTOH, I'm not sure that I'd freak over the boys, cigarettes, and pot. I'd be more concerned with whether she's messing up at school, using hard drugs, or at risk of becoming pregnant.

Answer 8

What about boot camp programs for problem kids?

Answer 9

im 15.

i dont even get to do this.

i would never hit my mom and i respect her rules

***she does know i smoke pot, and its not a problem as long as i dont have it in the house and that it doesnt effect my grades (i have proof!)***

work during the day

dont be afraid of puttin ur fists up. just learn to block and make her think you'll swing. if she hits u better d**n well hit back

Answer 10

Do you not have a baby-sitter?  I don't think you are legally allowed to have the two children (that age) spend the overnight  alonewhile you are at work.  You need to hire a baby-sitter, one that isn't going to take any of her c**p with strict guidelines, like doors that lock, and her daughter not being able to sneak out.  If there is an adult there and she sneaks out, then you need to call the police and have her returned as a child at large.  You are letting her get away with things.

Answer 11

Do what my mother would threaten us if she thought we were going something bad. We live 8 hours away from her famiyl and they live in like the middle of no where. Get a relative and tell her if she acts up she can spend the summer at so and so's just made sure that its not someone she would enjoy being with. If you cant do that i would get a babysitter honestly because if your younger son is there around that stuff its just an influence on him. So get like an adult to be their with them while your at work.

Hope I helped :)

Answer 12

Okay first off I would switch from a night job and get one during the day while she's at school. Or even do something online where you are home. Second is find out why she is doing this. Something may have happened to her to make her behave this way. Talk to your church and see if they can't help you pay to send her to a psychiotrist. Third if nothing else works then go on Maury. He has helped so many kids who are like this. He will give her the over night scare you want her to have.

I went to a christian school and to be honest the kids are even more screwed up than in public school.

I know you don't want the authorities involved but if she hits you again for trying to be a good mom call the cops on her. There's only so much you can do for someone who refuses to be helped.

PS If you don't have a church of your own or if your church wont help you find your local LDS church and see what they will do to help you. In my ward we are more than willing to help anyone when we can even if they are not a member.

Good Luck I hope you can find a way to help her.

Answer 13

I would never work nights and have children. They are far too young to be left on their own for that amount of time every day.  Sorry, but you may have to get social services involved for help. If you cannot change jobs or switch shifts then they might be able to offer some assistance for a mentor or sitter for kids that age.