Single mothers! - Is the child support worth all of the stress an hasle that the baby daddy bring?

Question

Im trying to figure out whether or not to tell the father im pregnant and whether to ask for child support for i dont want him to have visitation.

i think sometimes it would be better just to do it completely without him and other times im frightened about how i will do it financially.

In your situation - is the support worth the extra mess?

Answer 1

I think it depends on why you are not together now and would you want this man in your life for the next 18 years....?

Yes, he has a right to see his child and the money will come in very handy as babies are so expensive!

But you have a right to live your life too. If you meet another man who is prepared to raise your child as his own, it may be awkward with the father still involved.

Answer 2

Yes it is worth it because it is not just your child.  Being a singel parent is hard you need more than finaciall help from him.  He needs to be there for the child.  Read the book the BOND and you will see how important having a dad is for a child especially a boy.

Answer 3

I miscarried (many years ago) but I never planned to tell the father.  I knew even if he COULD pay, he wouldn't.  He'd never go away and use we have a kid as an excuse to harrass me.

It was the easier choice.

Turns out I was right.  He has a couple kids he abandoned.  And harrasses the mothers constantly.  They can't get restraining orders because he's the baby daddy and he won't pay child support because he never has a job.  He even gives the new men in their lives problems, telling them he is still with the moms when he's not...

Answer 4

It depends on if he is a JERK or not.  If he is now he will be even a BIGGER jerk when your baby comes.   I have wished so many times that I never told my kids daddies about them.  My life would have been so much easier without the hassle of dealing with them.  They both resent my kids and they resent me even more because they have to pay.  I am involved in a custody battle with my son's dad as we speak because he has a new wife now and they are expecting their first kid so now they don't want to pay!  My oldest child's father molested her on one of her weekend visits at 3 yrs old and now he's playing mind games with her telling her he doesn't see her because of me (her mom). He tells her "if it wasn't for your mother I would see you" and even worst c**p he tells her.  He has threatened my life if I ever take him back for an increase, etc, the list goes on and on.  I don't even know what I was thinking when I told them about my babies. I should not have filed nor should I have told them because they are not an asset to my kids lives, they are a hurt instead.  DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE MONEY, have faith you can do it without him.  You can always go back later and get a court ordered paternity test if you change your mind later!  Follow your gut feeling about this guy.  It's NOT worth it.

Answer 5

Ive never received a penny of child support from my daughters father and he doesn't come around so I'm grateful. I've always managed to survive. There is a lot of assistance for single mothers.

My good friend is always fighting with her ex and he's always in the picture and constantly harasses her... doesn't pay chlid support but still gets to do all the "fun" stuff with their daughter. Promises their daughter he'll do stuff with her and disappear for weeks....

Answer 6

your question hits close to home. my sons dad is D*R*A*M*A* and i read your other comments that people left. Yeah  i agree thats its your childs decision to decide if he wants to be around or not. You wouldnt want your child resenting you. There are tons of resources for a single mom. Trust me, I know. I never get child support, yet my son goes with his dad every month for a few days. i ask and ask for money, bu ti know its useless. sooner or later, i know he will fade away, so i let my son enjoy it for now, sad  to say. he knows his dad, but doesnt have that bond with him. you should tell him your pregnant and see how he reacts. i think yo ucan make it. but you should def tell him

Answer 7

Yes even if you don't like him the child has the right to have a father and if he is unstable or you don't trust him with your kid then he can have monitored visitation, or if he is a super looser like my ex he wont even try to see his kids!  I filed child support three years ago and so far he is $10,000.00 behind but it'll catch up to him someday.  But he does have a right to know.  sometimes all takes for a man to grow up is a baby!

EDIT TO RUBY ~ That's not true, I have a restraing order on my ex husband and he can not call or come within so many feet of my house.  He can however see his children through a youth service or relative - he just chooses not too

Answer 8

Well if you won't let him see his baby. I would not ask for child support. cause trust me it is a bigger hassle.

Answer 9

If you don't want the baby to have visitation then I suggest not applying for the child support. Once you do YOU are obligated by law to let him have his rights as the father. He is paying then he can see his child. Courts always rule that way that is unless he is physically/mentally abusing the child.

If you are that adamant about him not seeing the child, then don't even tell about the pregnancy and cut all ties.

Answer 10

Raising a child is insanely expensive! You want to do this on your own that is fine. But don’t deny your child the right to know their father and don’t deny him the right to know his own flesh and blood. For me it was h**l at first, fighting about child support, putting up with his c**p, but it does get easier and things do settle down. It’s definitely worth it to me. There is no way I could have supported my daughter on my own, and she loves her dad and couldn’t take that away from her. Give him a chance, let him step up and take some responsibility. If he doesn’t, fine. At least you tried and when your child asks you later on why their dad isn’t in their life, you can tell them the truth that it was his choice not yours and you wish things could have been different but they aren’t. It will all work out, whichever way it goes. I wish you all the luck in your pregnancy, and I hope you make the right decision for you and your baby

Answer 11

Stop thinking of just YOURSLEF!  Your CHILD has a right to know it's Father!  How selfish can you be?

Answer 12

I raise two kids with no child support. Personally I perfer the peace and tranquility of life more than money. But I think that the guy should at least be informed.... that way you are not responsible for your child not having a father. I told him and let him walk out on me. Now the kids can be upset at him for growing up without him (if they get upset... right now they are just normal, happy kids).

Answer 13

Your being selfish. You played now deal with the consequences. You have to tell him.

If I am going to have the hassle, She may as well pay her child support too.

I have custody of my kids and she has been ordered to pay. So far nothing yet.

Answer 14

I think there's an entirely other way to look at your situation which you probably don't want to hear but I think you are responsible to the father to letting him know that his child exists. The child also has the right to know who his/her father is. Child support is of course a whole other issue but, not even letting the man know of the existence of the child, I think, is really selfish and unfair to him and the child.

Answer 15

The support is so NOT worth the extra hassle.  However, your child does have the right to know their father, but if you don't think he is going to help with the rearing of the child or come in and out when he feels like it then I wouldn't tell him.  You have to think of what is best for your child.  Is this man someone who is dependable and able to help raise a healthy and productive member of society?  Would he even care if you did tell him you were pregnant?

Answer 16

I'm going thru a complete mess to get support right now.  My son's father was ordered by the court to start paying in May.. I haven't received a dime since.  So I just filed to take his butt right back to court and he can tell the judge why he's not paying.

Yes.  It's worth it.  Because my son deserves support from his father, no matter if he gets it now or later.  

Plus, it's really expensive.  Daycare alone costs me $800 a month.

Answer 17

Allowing your child to benefit from a relationship with his/her father and to have two parents working together, civilly & maturely --- is that worth the hassle of behaving responsibly & realistically in the situation you find yourself in?

Answer 18

the father and the child have a rite to each other you need to tell him and let him know how you feel if he doesnt want anything to do with the baby then you can make it on your own

but give him the chance if he doesnt then tell the child latter that daddy had the choice and chose not to help us and be a part of you life but give him a chance or you will be the one to pay in a few years that child will hate you for keeping them apart

Answer 19

It's not about you.  Child support and the child having a relationship with there father is the child's right.  How would the child feel when he/she gets older and finds out that you with held that from them.  If this man is a dead beat let them find out for them selves, so there not hating you down the road for not letting them have a relationship.  Make him pay child support, and if he chooses not to be in your child's life, you did all you could do.

Good luck