Single mothers with sons,What steps do you take to provide good male role models to raise a balanced man?

Question

or are you going to raise him to be what a woman thinks a man is ?

Answer 1

The perfect male role modle is none other than a p**n star.

Answer 2

I had help from my brother, father and step-dad.  I was raising 4 boys ( I can't say I was  by myself because I had the help of my family ).  I can honestly say I needed the help. My boys needed the positive male models.

Answer 3

Tough comments already... but, I'm going to answer anyway.

(Just give me an "E" for the effort)

My answer is that I'm in the same boat.

I'm a single, custodial father of a 5-year-old boy.

I dedicate myself towards raising my son with pride, dignity and compassion... I do this by stressing mannersim and 'how to act like a man'.

But, the major tool for me was to focus on how I acted in my son's eyes.

To be kind to everyone.... I know that sounds easy, but I made it a point to emphasize the kindness and helpfulnees in front of my son and then explain why I handled things in such a way.

I now smile constantly at catching my son shake hands with adults (and kids) and he introduces himself.

At the times he picks up his teammate if they fall on the soccer field.

They way he comforts the neighbor with a boo-boo.

And, I believe you need to look for this in a man. Not just a kind man, but a man that realizes the need for emphasizing the educational process of "manly qualities" in your son.

I have to fill a void for my son.

Playing the role as mommy as well as daddy.

I don't go overboard... I'm "all dude" that's for sure.

But, I do my best as to make sure he adopts those femenine qualities that men do obtain from their mother.

I sometimes wonder what it would've been like to raise a daughter.... wow, I got lucky. I think I got the easy road to fatherhood with just raising a boy. I'll ask that question soon.

So, to provide a good male role model and raise a balanced man..... (????)

Find someone that is good to you and treats you with respect...

Then make sure the same respect is given to your son. With the right amount of respect, the "love" for your son with evolve and you'll have found a perfect role model.

A great guy, that loves your son; a guy that your son can clearly see how much someone else loves his mom.

Answer 4

How sad.  So many of these women not only view fathers as unnecessary, but harmful.  I fear for the next generation of men.

Answer 5

A  REAL man is someone whom is respectful and kind and caring and responsible that's a man not someone who has a p***s dude. You may have one but that doesn't make you a man. He doesn't really need me for those because he already is that. He is very sensitive though I had nothing to do with that since I am not sensitive. He is my seven year old brother!!

My little brother has a father and two other brothers and me but he likes to hang with me in finding cloths and listen to what I am saying. My little brother is going to be a great boyfriend to someone, he is so cute to he should be a kid model. He doesn't act like a jerk, I always told him to treat everyone with respect.

I am sort of like a mother to him but I am his older sister my father and brothers don't give him a positive role model like to be called mommy. that's why I am raising him. I will admit it is better to raise a child with a mother and father but not everyone is fortunate for that.

So even if a boy doesn't get raise with a dad and just a mom that isn't bad. Your making it sound like it is bad to be raised by your mother I never had a mother to raise me but I had a a dad and brothers and I am more successful then them so I am raising my little brother as my son. He is 7 years old.

Answer 6

Oh yes without a male role model how will a man ever grow up to be a man.  Who will beat the tears out of him?  Who will teach them a women's place and how to put her there? The truth is not even most married men these days would make it there priority to teach such things as those were not their fond memories of childhood.  The only ones who think that a boy must be raised by a man to be a man are men who 2 to1 can't get a women to breed with them in the first place.  I don't have kids yet and I have a husband that I know will be there as they grow up but I don't think he is going to raise our kids with the morbid old fashioned man rules. After all he does not have an issue with the direction our world has evolved to.  Why don't you give us an idea of what the balanced man should be raised to be?

Answer 7

if u have a brother send him 2 his house so he can learn to follow a guy adult as a role model

Answer 8

Whats the difference?

I'll teach him to be loyal, honest, trustworthy, compassionate to those less fortunate, and the importance of work...

Oh your right, I guess it would be my idea of what a man is, cause we all know thats not what your average guy is. Sorry buddy, I'm not teaching him that the definition of a man is to land as much p***y as you can get, to neglect your responsibilities. I'll leave that to the rest of this sinking civilization.

EDIT**

If you guys are serious about this only a guy can teach a guy sh*t, then you just threw your "a man is wired this way, its biology" argument out the window...Idiots.

Answer 9

Boy, some of these answers scare me. My father gave me my manhood, end of sentence.

Answer 10

You cant ask a question like this and not expect all the scorened jade and basically ruined women to not mess it all up.  Just do your best.  Young men are said to get thier masculenity from their mothers.  Men become men after learning respect and honesty as a child, and then applying that to their adult life.  anyone can teach them that foundation.  good luck.

Answer 11

Sorry, but there are just some things that only a man can teach.  Case in point: that pesky standing up while peeing thing.  =)

There are plenty of ways for single moms to make sure their sons have positive male role models.  Find male relatives, friends, teachers, etc. to spend time with your son.  If none are available, there are mentoring programs such as Big Brother/Big Sister that can help.

Answer 12

teachers in schools are almost all females and when they come back, single mother is at home.  I think any child (m or f) in these circumstances will have a distorted view of society and people.

Single mothers should find some good guy as a male role model for their children.

Answer 13

the obvious argument is that is these "real" men didn't walk out of there child's life this entire argument could be avoided... who are you to ask single mothers "what measures are you taking"... perhaps if your intention were less "in your face" and brash, we could all have a mature conversation about the influences, or lack there of, fathers have on their sons... but I'm guessing that wouldn't be dramatic enough for you.

edit@ rene... spot on. Parents should always avoid talking bad about anyone in front of children, basically, parents should be better parents all around... that starts with mature relationship between people... resulting in less single parenting period.

edit@tiss... I don't know if I was included in the group of women you refer to or not... but my argument was not against the positive influence that men provide, but rather that maybe men should focus on sticking around and not judging women for how they raise there children... it is quit obvious that having a positive role model of both sexes is the best idea... why don't we focus on fixing the problem vs. blaming people...imo

Answer 14

In my opinion, just raise your son with love, understanding,  teach him to set/achieve goals and to know right from wrong.

  A human role-model is top priority...the gender thing doesn't make much difference unless it is extreme.  He might develop a better insight into what women want, though, but sometimes at the expense of being "macho" or such.

  Your boy will define himself and as long as his influences are positive he'll turn out fine.  Allowing him to see how other families work will also give him the ability to determine how he wants to be.  Also, by allowing him to be socially active with other boys, he'll pick up on thier behaviors.

Good luck!

Answer 15

You can't teach a little boy how to be a man, only another man can do that.  You can however teach him and raise him to be a good person, respectful and mindful.  You can teach him how to care for God, himself and how to provide for a family.  I suggest that you supply him with male attention such as a brother, uncle or your father if they are around.  If not, there is always the boys and girls club.  He needs a male role model.  One thing that I can tell you however, is never down talk men.  Never say how men are not this or men are not that in front of him.

Answer 16

By definition a single mother cannot provide a good male role model for her/sons or daughters.

The model of fatherhood for such children is that you don't have a father. The underlying message is: Father's are bad and shouldn't be part of the family or at least your father is and he has abandoned you. What a message to give children.

Answer 17

Woman dominator you are delusional. Those things you listed are important, but not the most important thing for a boy to learn about being a man. What if he comes across someone who is not respectful, caring, and kind, then what do you teach him. Mike T is right, women can't teach a boy how to be a man. She only teaches him how to be the man she wants him to be. Its not bad, but its wrong. Boys have to learn how to defend themselves, in order to protect you when they're men. Boys have to learn provision, in order to know how to provide as men. The fact that he cries when your gone, speaks volumes.

Answer 18

As a single parent of 2 beautiful children (a boy and a girl), I understand my son needs a male role model around him who can teach him about "being a man".  I am an only child with no brothers to turn to, most of my cousins are female, LOL, but...he has two wonderful Grandpas (both have much respect and love for women and are what I call "Real Men") that he spends a lot of quality time with. He does favor his Grandma over his Grandpa (because he's a bit more strict/tough) but I know as he gets older, he'll want to spend more time with his Grandpas. I'm glad they have good values and have been raised well (they don't drink, do drugs, womanize, smoke cigarettes) and will be a positive influence on my son and even my daugher. I don't smoke, don't drink alcohol, don't do drugs, and I haven't been on a date since their father and I split up. (He turned to alcohol, drugs, and cheated on me while I was pregnant with our daughter.) I'm still in contact with their father because I'm hoping he'll grow up and realize what special gifts he has in his life with these two children that are his. I do love him and if he were to clean up and stop acting like a crazy teenager then sure I would take him back, but he hasn't.  But my father (my sons grandpa) refuses to have anything to do with my ex because he said he "knows his kind". Anyway, I do realize how important it is to have male role models in my son's life and I'm glad I've got his grandpas there almost everyday and my uncles (I have 9 of them) there too now and then.

Answer 19

"Women dominator" WHAT makes YOU the authority on what a "MAN" is? Seriously... are you a dictionary?

Most single mothers have a hard time raising a man as a MAN. Only a man can teach that.

I can't teach you how to drive stick-shift if I only drive automatic... so a woman can't teach a man to be a man.

That's why she should try to find a mentor or role model for her son.

EDIT: "Lala" No really. Its not hard wired in anyone to know how to be socially successful and THAT is what I'm refuring to. No basic "being tough" and liking sports and other non-sense.

Answer 20

Well, I'm not exactly a single mother, but I do have legal custody over my half-brother (he's 13).

Regardless of whether or not there is a male influence in a child's life, they always need to be taught manners, social skills, and how to cook and clean I did (and am doing) all that, and I made sure he knew how to dance with ladies, and how to fold clothing, and stuff like that, and I also taught him how to ride a horse.

However, I recruit my other brother (he's 30) to teach him things that I really wouldn't feel comfortable with, like (obviously) s*x education and stuff of that manner. He also taught him how to hunt, camp, and fish. Gotta love male bonding. :)