Single mum with 3y.o. baby needs URGENT help. Foster care?

Question

My best friend is at this moment going through h**l. She's an EU citizen, a 29 year-old single mum. She has nothing to go back to back to where she's from, and she is currently unemployed. She's getting work offers but can't accept them because her 3 year old boy is with her, and she doesn't have anyone to leave him with.

No schools are taking him - they say only in Sept. She can't afford nursery schools and her situation is degrading very quickly, for her and the boy. She now lives in appaling conditions, only survives thanks to friends' help. She's a hardworking woman and this is really unfair. All she needs is a place to leave her child at so she can go out and work. I'm trying to help as much as I can... but as I have no children, I don't really know how these things work.

I have heard of foster care, and was wondering if it is possible for foster care to take him on temporarily, while she rebuilds her life. How does this work? Thanks in advance.

Answer 1

depend where your friend lives,  if in UK,she should check at her local social services dept, they have approved child minders, as well as foster carers. they will be able to arrange the best possible solution according to her needs, but  as she is a single mum, surely she will be able to get  help from social security, DSS, income support to solve her financial problems rather then leaving  her child with strangers, she should arrange an appointment with duty social worker at her local social services dept. however I think similar help packages may be available in most EU countries as well as in USA.

Answer 2

Foster care should be a last resort - it's really for children who are at risk, or whose parents are unable to care for them.

First thing she needs to do is go to Social Services or Citizans Advice Bureau to ensure she is receiving all the benefits she is entitled to. These are housing benefit, child tax credit, child benefit, and possibly some others.

Also, nursery is free for children 3 and over, but if he can start school in September there's probably no point in looking for a nursery as they will be closing for the summer in two weeks' time. If she gets a job and has to pay for childcare then she will get child tax credit to cover this. Her best option is probably a childminder - they tend to advertise in newsagents windows, but her health visitor will probably have some names.

There is no need for anyone to be living in poverty in this country - there are so many benefits and schemes aimed at getting people back to work.

Answer 3

the only thing she can do is to contact social services and they will try to place the child in foster care, they will allow her access at weekends. when my boy was a baby i had operation which meant i couldn't look after him for a few months as i was not allowed to lift him. the other alternative is to find a day nurse and see if the social services are willing to help part pay for this. these facilities you can drop them off early in morning and pick them up later in evening food and places for youngsters to sleep is advalible. so i would suggest this as an alternative to her.

Answer 4

Voluntary foster care with a private agency is her best bet - but beware!  They will have her sign a contract of conditions that must be met in order for her to gain custody of her child back.  This may include counseling, on their terms, supervised visitation, on their terms, stable employment and housing, on their terms, etc.  And if these conditions are not met in their timeframe, they can terminate her parental rights.

The best thing she can do is to enter a shelter!  She will get housing, food, child care, and will be able to go to work and earn a living.  Then, after she has enough to get on her feet independently, she can move out with her child.  Not glamorous, not ideal, but may be the safest thing for keeping her family intact.  And a shelter may be a lot less disruptive and stressfull than not having mom!

Answer 5

Please contact social services

Answer 6

Well if i lived near you i'd look after him but i probably dont and you dont know me either but if you call social services and speak to them about this they will do all they can to help and if they think taking him away temporarily is the right thing to do they will but they can also help by getting you a place to leave your son whilst you work they could also find you a place to live in etc

Answer 7

foster care is not the answer-you say she has nothing to go back to-sounds like shes having a worse time here-surely she brought enough with her to keep her going till she found work?-im all for people coming here to better themselves but i cant understand why she hasnt planned ahead-good luck to her even tho i dont have the answer

Answer 8

I'm not sure excactly how it works in your state, but here Connecticut we have Care For Kids, which helps people that cannot afford to pay for child care.  They end up paying anywhere from some, to most of the cost of day care.  

You can, however, call the Department of Social Services, they're the ones that are responisble for Care For Kids, and other programs like that all over, and they may be able to tell you your options.

Their number is 1-800-811-6141

Good luck.

Answer 9

foster care can take them temperaryly but then will keep then untill they feel that she can take him back she would be able to viset and stuff but he could not go home with heruntill they aloud it and they would forever be cheaking in on her but if it is in her childs best interest and she truely loves him she will do it.... tell her to contact a social worker .

Answer 10

Can you talk to the council where you live. The other answer was very good - about finding a child minder until payday - or perhaps you and some others could club together to pay for now.

Get her to go to the citizens advice to help sort out housing and childcare and anything else that may help her

Parent line may have ideas

Answer 11

Hi im so sorry your friend is going through this situation.

Where in the uk do you live? You are a very good friend, she is lucky to have someone like you helping her. Try contacting your local social services department they should offer you lots of advise. Good luck x

Answer 12

i waz left on the street to die. i hope u can find some were safer.

  try www.fostercare.com or www.savemesites.com/pages/freepage.php?s...  

reely reely hope it helps. i was left to die @ age 3 and thankfuly found.

Answer 13

Assuming shes in the UK, you can claim tax credits if you work. There is also a child tax credit allowance of upto 70% of your childcare fees. This means if she works and was charged £25 per day childminding fees (for example) she would only actually pay around £7.50 per day from her own money, plus she'd get the other elements of tax credit. I'd say this was pretty affordable for most working people. She may also qualify for other benefits. Get her to contact Job Centre Plus and Tax Credits for further advice.

Answer 14

Has she tried asking for some advice from her local citizens advice bureau./health visitor or GP. all children from age 3 are entitled to government funding for some sessions at nursery/pre school, where the child would be be looked after in order for her to work.there are organisations and people she could talk to, foster care really would be a last resort.

Answer 15

Has she spoken to her health visitor about her situation? Perhaps her hv could help her get some more suitable housing? Or maybe there is a scheme with sure start or something else where she could get some help with a placement for her child, perhaps if she could get some work working tax credit will pay it for her? I'm not sure putting her child in foster care is the right thing to do to be honest but hope she can get some support

Answer 16

Dear Single Mom,

I wanted to let you know, that, from Personal Experience, I

"boarded" my one-year-old, out to a family, who had known

me for awhile...(and if I had it to do again...I would still do it).

I would first seek out a Homeless Shelter, and stay there for

awhile.

They have ''monies'' with which to help you have ''daycare'',

and to ''help you get established''.

YOU DO NOT HAVE TO LIVE IN ''IMPOVERISHED''

UNHEALTHY CONDITIONS !!

If I were you, I would not, do any type of Adoption.

There is always an idea....OF ''SHARED CUSTODY''.

To bad, you weren't around here, I'd become a ''Special

Grand--Mom, and help you out....

I have a Store/diner, (a real treat...for young children...for

all the ''goodies'' they like),

I have done "assistance'' such as this with 3 others, and

they are doing fine, now...

But I'm ALWAYS, a person who is willingly....TO WALK BE-

SIDE...SOMEONE and not be ''in front'' & lead them, BUT

JUST TO BE THERE FOR THEM.

There is not enough assistance, for people, in your position,

and FOR THE PAST FEW WEEKS, I'VE BEEN ON A

CAMPAIGN, with State Senators & Rep's, and Congress-

People, TO OPEN UP NEW AVENUES...for persons like

yourself...and others who may be ''walking in that same path''

too.

I love the idea of being a ''GRAND--MOM'' in my ole Age!!

My granddaughter, now age 14, got tickled at that phrase,

when I quoted that to her...

By the time US WOMEN, get to be ''GRAND--MOMS'', we

have certainly Earned the Title...as we are so Experienced,

by that time.

Perhaps, you need to file, for some Child Support, allegeding

that you know who the father is.

You need all the income, that you can get.

ANY TIME THAT YOU ....LEAVE YOUR CHILD...WITH ANY-

ONE ELSE....AND YOU SPEND VERY MUCH TIME...AWAY

FROM THEM....PART OF YOUR ''PARENT--CHILD'' BOND

IS BROKEN...

IF YOU DO ''ALLOW SOMEONE ELSE, TO BE ...IN CHAR-

GE OF YOUR CHILD'',  unless it is Daycare....YOU WILL

THEN ''BECOME RESPONSIBLE'' FOR PAYING ''CHILD

SUPPORT'', even to the State DHS, in which you live, AND

should you not be able to pay....YOU COULD BE JAILED,

FOR FAILURE TO PAY CHILD SUPPORT...and / or they

can take it out of your paycheck each payday...OR  THEY

CAN TAKE ALL THE FUNDS, YOU WILL HAVE COMING

BACK ON INCOME TAX. Each year...

A "Shared Custody" Agreement, means that someone else

is willing to Share, in the Parenting of the Child....AND IN

THE COST OF RAISING THE CHILD.

In that Agreement, both parties, get to help make decisions

for the Best Interest of the Child, but One Person, Needs to

Be the Major Decision Maker, which should be You, since

you are the Natural Parent... You need the Tax Deduction,

since you do work.

You might think, of  doing "Share A Home" with someone,

so you have a ''Built-in Babysitter".

In my past years, I would "rent a room", and have a "granny

lady" tend to my child, and pay her to do it.

IF ANYONE REFUSES TO HELP YOU IN THE PROPER

WAY, TO MAKE SURE THAT YOU AND YOUR CHILD HAVE A SAFE / HEALTHY ENVIRONMENT,  CONTACT A

CIVIL RIGHTS OFFICE.  They will go to bat, for you, in getting

your Civil Rights, Protected.

Sometimes, it is so difficult, to ''get your child back'' from a

DHS situation, once you have signed their required papers,

plus you don't have the Same Rights, as you do now.

You might try working a shift, which would give you some time

to spend, with the child, for his best quality time.

A Counselor, in a Homeless Shelter or a Health Department,

can give some Advice, and it's up to you, which way you

want to go with that advice.

Community Actions Centers, are some of the ones, who can

arrange for Daycare, for Children, and also, help you have

some Reasonable Transportation, for employment.  They

can usually assist you with, becoming eligible for A  SELF-

HELP HOME  too.

Try this and see what results, come of it...

Good Luck.

Your Friend,

Too Funny...(I've ''been there / done that'')

Answer 17

I would advise against using temporary foster care for any child, especially one as young as 3 years.  I have a friend who's children were taken into temporary voluntary foster care because she was ill, unfortunately she never got her children back.  The local authority took legal action against her and now have her children on full care orders.  They have been in foster care for 2 and a half years, and she is having to go through the courts to have the care orders discharged.  Her contacts with her children have been drastically reduced and there is very little she can do about the situation.  She has tried to do all that has been asked of her, including seeking therapy, but no person or organisation is willing to be supportive to her.  The local authority are constantly putting barriers in her path, and stopped her seeing her children for 4 months a while ago, hence her instigating legal action.  This has been extremely traumatic for the whole family.  Her children are becoming increasingly troubled by remaining in foster care, which is having a negative impact upon the family relationships.  I would never advise foster care, try seeking help via surestart, they would be much more supportive.

Answer 18

Has she tried the Sure Start scheme? Dont no if they operate where you are but they offer affordable child care, or mabye a child minder who would wait till after fdirst pay day for payment. Foster care is a pretty big step to take, maybe she should approch social services for alternatives first

Answer 19

firstly, has she tried claiming income support and child tax credit? I'm pretty sure she is entitled to.  if not, why??? it should be the first place she should go, straight to the dhss office!!! Also, go to the Citizens Advice Bureau, they are always a good place to get good un-biased help.  I really can't believe that you can think that fostering the child out is the answer, to me it sounds like you haven't even looked into it properly. these issues you believe you have are completely, and simply resolvable, if you look... you obviously have Internet access, so why haven't you checked your friends rights.? I am shocked to say the  least, fostering is not the answer to this situation, this child is already going through a big enough change in his life..he doesn't need to be separated from his mother too. everyone has rights, your friend is no exception.. everything will work out, if you look in the right places. start at the link below. I really do hope she can get through this. obviously I don't know her full situation and if the first address  is no good try the other one

Answer 20

tell her to accept the job she wants and know that somehow, someway, in the 12th hour, when she thinks it's impossible, someone will come forward and have information or will be able to help. she will be ok. ur a good friend. just tell her to move forward expecting that what she needs will be there at just the right time.

Answer 21

Get down to your local citizens advice bureau asap. foster care should be the last resort, once she hands her son over it will be so difficult to get him back, please only do that as a last resort. i have had personal experience of it. once you hand him/her over they will be reluctant to give them back to the mother and will forever be monitoring her if she does get the baby back. for the time being, couldnt you and other friends draw up a rota where you all had the child for a morning/day each just until something more permanent is sorted.