Single parents: how did u manage to find someone new? and bring up the fact that you have a child?

Question

do u usually tell that person when u first meet them? and how do u tell them? (without freaking them out)

i have once dated someone with a child. (i was a bartender and he was my guest) he invited me out after work for a drink..and mentioned that he had to pick his son up first though.

i was cool with it..cause i figured he just wanted to casually hang out..

i met his son and his son seemed to like me..we were cool until i called him the next time and a girl answered the phone (thats when i knew i didn't want to date a single father again) cause i didn't want to be in the middle of it all..

Answer 1

Finding someone new was the last thing on my mind. It took years but it finally found me. Bringing up the fact that I had children was very natural. They are the most important part of my life and there was no particular "way" it was brought up. Just be yourself and do not stress out about "how" you will go about it telling someone you have children because if you do it will make it look like there is something wrong with that........and there is not.  

Answer 2

Excellent question.  I am 37 weeks pregnant with my first and only child, and I can't see myself ever dating again.  After all, who is going to watch the baby if I go out?  And that is just the beginning of the problems.  Before I got pregnant I was very attractive....one of those women who had strange men ask me out almost every time I went out in public.  It's weird that now I'll have trouble getting even one date.  I doubt I'll even date again....and that is a depressing thought.  I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone.

It irks me that the deadbeat dad abandoned me at 14 weeks, moved back in with his mommy and daddy 3 states away, and I haven't heard from him since.  He dates plenty...his life hasn't changed at all.  That doesn't seem fair either.  My whole life has been turned upside down, and he just goes blithely about his business like nothing has changed.

Answer 3

How do you know it wasn't his sister or he wasn't really married?

You just be up front and honest with the guy if he does NOT want a woman with kids, then no matter how you play "beat around the bush" with the topic it is NOT going to change him or his mind hon.

Answer 4

i usally tell everyone straight up the minuet i meet them because if he turns and walks well then he aint worth it then  

Answer 5

I was a single mom for 9 years.  I always made it very clear to men I dated that I had a child.  I never came right out and said it but I would mention something like what the guy you dated did.. just so they were aware that I had an obligation.  I was never worried about freaking guys out, i figured if they didnt like it then they werent the right guy for me.   She knew that I dated, but I didnt want her to see men come and go... so

The only guy I have dated that my daughter met was the man i married.  I waited about 6 months before I introduced them and they hit it off.

There is a lot of baggage when one person in a relationship has a child.. and it can be a lot to deal with.  I truly believe that if you met the right guy, it wouldnt matter if he had a child.  My husband always told people he didnt want children and never once dated a girl with a kid, until me.  Now we have my daughter and our two boys!!

Answer 6

Well I have 2 boys and when i decided to start dating again I decided that I really would only date a man that had a child because they were more likely to understand the sacrifices needed to be a parent (meaning can't always go out and running around and stuff like that).  Well I talked to several and we talked about maybe getting together but nothing seemed to fit right so I just moved on and waited.  Well I met a man that I hit it off with really well and we started talking and went out to dinner but before we even had our first date I found out he has 5 kids and I told him I had 2 so we knew that it was a big deal.  My boys seem to like him and his kids liked me so we dated and now are boyfriend/girlfriend and have a baby on the way (a surprise for us trust me) and we don't have much time for each other with 7 other kids but we find time to talk and stuff when we can.  I do understand though if you don't have any children of your own it can be scary plus dealing with the ex is horrible.  I haven't met his ex-wife yet but the kids talk about her and they just don't like having to live with her at all and he hasn't met my ex yet but once we have to deal more with that I know it will be like "I want to run" time but I am hoping to stick it out.  

Answer 7

My mom was a single mother when she met my dad. She went through plenty of dates because she was always up front about me. She figured if they didn't want a serious relationship then they didn't want anything to do with me. She always thought it would be best that I approved and liked the guy as well. So I was simply used to eliminate the deadbeats so to speak. lol. I think this method is best. The person with a kid goes through quite a few more dates then others but it's best to be upfront and not have any surprises for the pure fact that it takes a serious person and a serious commitment when kids are involved. Why waste your time with people who want nothing to do with your kid(s)? Don't waste your time and be upfront. Worked for my mom. She finally found 1 that accepted me and he took us both out on dates (although they went on a few on their own). They've been married for 13 years now and are still going strong.

Answer 8

Seriously after 7 years of trying to find someone new after my 1st husband died in an auto accident my advice to you is, do not date anyone who has no children. Find a single dad or a dad with partial custody or you will never work out. Eventually they start getitng rude about how your kids are in the way of them seeing you more or doing things they want to do when they want to do them, They will date you a while, tell you how great and wonderful you are and how your kids are nice and all but they do not wanna be with someone who has kids and they spring it on you either soon after you start dating or even a YEAR later.

Your best bet seriously after all the heartache I had and frustration... single dads are best. Find one that is stable, has a great personality and treats you and his and your kids well.

Do not expect the kids to all get along at first, even if the guy is ugly to you give him a chance, even ugly guys have potential if they are sweet, kind, a good dad and willing to be a stepdad.

Start with a playdate for the first date or 2. Feel him out watch how he does with his kid or kids. It will tell you a lot of whats to come.

IM me anytime to vent. I feel your pain mama!

Answer 9

I'm scared to get backinto the dating scene.  I'm not ready to share my daughter with someone.  I would be honest right from the beginning that I had a child.  I understand some people don't want that... and if they don't, then they aren't the person I'm looking for anyway.

I don't even know how to get back into the dating scene.