Single pregnant at 23. Family and living environment trauma.

Question

I am turning 23 and working. I missed my period for 2 days and my HPT is positive. I broke up with my boyfriend, so it will be impossible to ask him to be responsible for it and he won't want to. What is the point of having someone you cannot get along well in your life to be involved in your child.

I am thinking of keeping the child. But i do not know how to tell my parents? They are very conservative and i have always had problem communicating with them. I thought of leaving the country to give birth because where I am from, if people find me going to check ups, they will start gossiping. I do not wish my child to grow up with all these busybody gossips.

I was thinking of leaving when I am 5-6 months pregnant, leaving a note to my parents, so that they won't kill me on the spot and come back a few years later with the child.

Or, is it better if I tell my parents before leaving? If they want me to stay, it will be great because I will really need their help. After all they are nice parents.

What do you think? To tell or not to tell? To stay in a country where they will have alien views on your child or not to stay?

Answer 1

First of all, regardless of whether your ex-boyfriend wants to be responsible for the baby, he has to.  I mean, you didn't make that baby by yourself, did you?  It doesn't matter if he wants the baby or not, he made a choice when he had s*x with you.  Now he can live with the consequences of those choices (even if that means paying child support and getting to know his child).  If he doesn't want to have anything to do with the baby, he should still take care of his child financially.  If he does want to be a father to this baby, just be glad he's being a real man, and treat him kindly.  You can be polite to someone even if you don't get along anymore.

Secondly, you shouldn't lie to your parents even if you think they'll be mad (not telling them is lying by omission).  Running away is never a solution, it just puts the problem on hold until you get tired of running.  Your parents love you and even if they are upset and disappointed, they will still love you and want to help you.

Lastly, ignore the gossip.  There will be gossips everywhere you go, believe me.  There will be people who will talk about you no matter what you decide.  Just ignore them.  What goes around, comes around and they will get their own back in the end.  The baby won't really understand the gossip until he/she is much older and by that time, the gossip will be about somebody else.

Just as a by the way, I'm not trying to tell you what to do, but it is very difficult to raise a child on your own (even with financial support from your ex-boyfriend).  Adoption is also a wonderful choice, it will give your child the opportunity to grow and live with a family who will love him and give him what he needs.  There are many adoption places that will pay for the medical bills during your pregnancy and allow you to meet your child's future parents and even receive updates about their lives.  That way you can know your child, and still give him a family with a mother and a father to take care of him.

http://www.providentliving.org/familyser...

Answer 2

leaving where? where will u live? where will u get money for accomodation, giving birth to your child, getting food? nobody will take a pregnant woman to work and u won't be able to work when baby is born. so maybe u should think it through. u have to inform your parents and u have to get your bf pay u child support

Answer 3

Firstly, keep the baby. He or she may not have been conceived in the most ideal of circumstances, but they deserve a life.

I think that you should tell your parents and ask their advice on it. Conservative as they may be, they are your parents and they love you. Once you become a parent yourself, you'll value your parents that much more because you understand where they are coming from. It would help to have their support in this, so you don't have to do it all by yourself.

As for the matter of where you're living, that depends. Do you want your child growing up in that area? Are you willing to brave the gossip so you will have some support? Remember that if you are in a different country, you will be entirely on your own. On the other hand, it is a fresh start (and in european countries, particularly France, unwed mothers are quite common).

Another option would be to leave the country and keep in close touch with your parents. It would break their heart if you were to just leave out of the blue. It might ease the transition.

As for the father, is he a good guy? As in, he has a job, is not in jail, and is not addicted to alcohol or drugs. If so, he deserves to know about this baby. If you can't do it for him, do it for your son or daughter. Think about not knowing who your father is; feeling like there's half of you missing. That's not fair.

But in the end, it doesn't matter what I or anyone else says. You just have to do whats best for you and your baby.

Answer 4

The worst thing to do is to run away from your problems.

Answer 5

I think you should tell your parents...if you don't tell them it will only make matters worse in the long run...of course they're going to be upet..but if you didn't tell them they would be very hurt..you are their daughter and as you say  " after all they are nice parents " they can't support you if they don't know...also don't worry about gossiping busybodies...they don't put the bread and butter on your table..you owe them nothing...if you are going to keep baby then you need all the support you can get...so telll your parents first before you do anything else.

Answer 6

hi macy. first thing's first, u have to inform the father of the child. now that u're pregnant, u have to think bout urself and the baby first. do u think u cud be able to handle this event in ur life on ur own. eventhough u guys broke-up u shud try to talk with him and inform him bout the baby and work things out. sometimes in this cases, the guy will have a change of heart and be more mature and take responsibility for his actions. but shud he ignore u and leave, then u shud be strong and take matter in ur own hands. it's nice tat u've decided to keep the baby. gud for you. now the second part is ur parents. u how sometimes in our most dreaded times, our parents are the only ones who'll stick by us. so try talking to them. they mite even surprise you and be supportive of you. if they are, then u've won almost all the battle already. but if unfortunately they are not supportive, then u have to decide ur next course of action. leaving with a note and then coming back later with the child is something which looks real in the movies. in real life its not that easy. u have to also think bout ur parents and ur other siblings especially the girls. you have to be stong and in control of your life now. talk to ur parents and ur ex but talk with ur head held high and not of shame. tell them u did a mistake but don't let them walk over you. if both ur parents and ex are against you, then u can seek help from ur closest mates or any women welfare organisation nearest u. but i do hope ur parents and ex will be there for you now

Answer 7

you know your boyfriend will come arounD I SAY HE IS SCARED. BUT WHY RUN AWAY FROM YOUR PROBLEMS. I KNOW YOUR PARENTS WILL UNDERSTAND AND WOULD HELP YOU OUT.  

Answer 8

You should stay in the country and tell your parents now.  They won't kill you.  You even said they are nice parents.  They will probably be disappointed, but in the end, they will love their grandchild and want a relationship with him/her.  Now, your ex is another story altogether.  He may want a relationship with the baby and it is his right if he decides to invoke it.  Make him pay child support though if he wants to be a part of the baby's life.  That's your right.  Good luck and Congratulations...  :)