Sis in law can't/won't help herself or children???

Question

she is 36, 5 kids, she loses her job all the time, no money, no elec sometimes, now, her car is dying and she wants us to help her get another on the road, tags, inspect, etc.

we have given her hundreds of dollars, I've bought her 2 pairs of shoes, gave her food, furniture, etc.

she is in and out of psych ward, going through a bad divorce, husband wants to take all the kids.

He's as crazy as she is, what do we do? we aren't rich, but, can take care of our own things.

Answer 1

It's time for you to start putting your foot down.  If you are constantly helping her out, then she has no initiative to work or figure out things on her own.  She will get mad and perhaps even threatening, but by caving, you're not teaching her anything.  You're just encouraging this behavior to continue.

However, if she threatens using the children, or if you fear that the children are not being taken care of properly, contact Child Protective Services, and let them conduct an investigation.

Answer 2

Request a social services intervention.  This does not mean the kids will automatically be taken away from either one of them.  But services could be provided, to both parents to help them raise their kids effectively.

Answer 3

I think the key to this is your phrase "psych ward."  Please call Social Services so those children are properly helped, and so she is as well.

I doubt it's that she "won't" but more that she "can't."  

For you, go to NAMI to gain some understanding of what's going on.  Your greatest help may be for the children.

Answer 4

Do you have proof both her and her husband have major psych problems that require hospitalization? If so, maybe you can have the kids removed from the home into your care or another family member's care. She is needing to help herself before she can be anything to the kids, same with the dad. Until they help themselves, those kids need to be in a more stable enviorment.

Answer 5

i would say you have done more than enough. tell her in a gentle way you cant afford to help anymore. suggest she go else where, human resources. etc. as long as your available to her she is gonna keep on depending on you.  you are enabling her. like if she were an acholic., and you wanted her to quit and you were buying her liquor ,shes not gonna quit if you keep supplying her. whoever is the brother or sister in your marriage  needs to sit her down and tell her how its gonna be for now on. and you have to stick with. or else continuing to live like you are now. be strong. good luck.