Sister can't have anything to do with me, but wants to be in my daughter's life, what to do?

Question

I am a disfellowshipped Jehovah's Witness. My sister is still a witness and, two days before my shower which she was going to help with, has decided she won't be coming to my baby shower for my first baby, a girl. After a mess of tears and now anger and depression, I have to decide if I am going to allow her to come see her when she is born. I would feel cruel keeping her from seeing her, but how do I get my point across how much it hurts? She says it is up to me, but I have already opened the door to have her in my life, and she has shut it, so what sense does it make to give her the privilege of being in our daughter's life?

Answer 1

if she isn't willing to have you in her life then she isn't willing to have your child in her life.  By rejecting you she is cutting off her access to your child.

I'm sorry.  I wouldn't allow my children to be exposed to someone who has cut me off.

I understand that this is a religious thing but to my mind if you cut off one member of the family then you have also cut off their immediate family members (spouses and children).  I am assuming that you are not raising the child as a JW since you are no longer one, for her to try and have a relationship with the child while rejecting you under those circumstances smacks of hypocrisy. But I don't know the JW's opinion on hypocrisy, so if it's not an issue then it's entirely up to you.

Answer 2

I don't understand how she expects to be in your daughter's life but not in yours, that's practically impossible. I mean your the child's mother, for crying out loud! Honestly, from my experience Jehova's Witnesses are very rigid in their beliefs and I think even though you are her sister, she will not budge on shutting you out of her life. Religion will always come first for her.

I don't think it makes sense for her to have a relationship with your daughter and not with you. Is your daughter going to be a Witness? If not, what is the point of her having a relationship with her? I think you are showing kindness by not wanting to keep your child from her aunt but at the same time I don't see the point if it won't work out in the long term.

Answer 3

The questioner should work to qualify for reinstatement into the Christian Congregation of Jehovah's Witnesses. Especially as a new mother, it seems rather obvious that she and her child will benefit from renewed association with true Christianity as taught by the Bible.

Jehovah's Witnesses do practice the Scriptural practice of disfellowshipping for unrepentance of such serious sins as fornication, drug abuse, stealing, and apostasy. Baptized Witnesses who join the military or publicly engage in worship with another religion are considered to have disassociated themselves from Jehovah's Witnesses.

Contrary to the misinformation of anti-Witnesses, it is quite possible to become inactive in the JW religion without becoming disfellowshipped. As long as one's lifestyle does not bring reproach upon the congregation, and as long as one does not advocate one's disagreements with the religion, the congregation has no interest in "investigating", exposing, and disfellowshipping an inactive former Jehovah's Witness.

For those who are disfellowshipped or disassociated, a primary goal is to shock the person into recognizing the serious of their wrong so that they rejoin the congregation in pure worship. Since the primary bonds that are broken involve friendship and spiritual fellowship, it is well understood that family bonds remain intact. Parents, siblings, and grown children of disfellowshipped and disassociated ones sometimes choose to limit what they may feel is discouraging or "bad association" but that is a personal decision and is not required by their religion.

Former Witnesses who are disfellowshipped or disassociated are typically treated in accord with the Scriptural pattern explained in these Scriptures:

(1 Corinthians 5:11-13) Quit mixing in company with anyone called a brother that is a fornicator or a greedy person or an idolater or a reviler or a drunkard or an extortioner, not even eating with such a man. ...Remove the wicked man from among yourselves.

(Titus 3:10) As for a man that promotes a sect, reject him after a first and a second admonition

(Romans 16:17) Now I exhort you, brothers, to keep your eye on those who cause divisions and occasions for stumbling contrary to the teaching that you have learned, and avoid them.

(2 Thessalonians 3:6) Now we are giving you orders, brothers, in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, to withdraw from every brother walking disorderly and not according to the tradition you received from us.

(2 Thessalonians 3:14) But if anyone is not obedient to our word through this letter, keep this one marked, stop associating with him, that he may become ashamed.

(2 John 10) If anyone comes to you and does not bring this teaching, never receive him into your homes or say a greeting to him.

(Matthew 18:17) If he does not listen to them, speak to the congregation. If he does not listen even to the congregation, let him be to you just as a man of the nations

Becoming baptized as a Jehovah's Witnesses is not a trivial step. At a minimum, a student must demonstrate months of regular meeting attendance and public ministry, then must himself express the desire to be baptized. The candidate then spends hours answering hundreds of bible questions wherein he expresses both a clear understanding and personal conviction regarding Jehovah's Witness teachings in at least three separate interviews with three different elders. The candidate must vocally agree to be baptized in front of hundreds or thousands of eyewitnesses, and must be publicly immersed in water. This is not a momentary emotional decision by an unreasoning child. Dedication as a Witness required hard work and determination at the time.. ..