Sister-in-law issues! Please help!?

Question

My husbands brother is getting married in a few months. The girl he is marrying is a complete beast. The entire family dislikes her, and noone has enough courage to tell my brother-in-law how horrible she is and how we all think he is making a huge mistake. A few months ago, my husband and I miscarried. We just discovered that we are pregnant again. She has made a BIG issue about me putting on a show at her wedding, and how I am always out to steal her glory. She has said that she hopes that if we get pregnant, we can keep our good news under wraps so I don't steal her glory, like I "always do". I don't feel I should have to keep this news a secret from my family and my husbands family. We were pregnant and miscarried before she was ever engaged! I am a bridesmaid in her wedding (unfortunately) even though she has made MANY comments about not wanting me in it. What should we do? She has really hurt my feelings over the comments about the baby and the pregnancy. She has no idea what we have been through.

Answer 1

1) If you wish to tell your family members about your pregnancy then do so.

2) If she is such a beast and apparently doesn't want you as a bridesmaid anyway then refuse to be one--she cannot *make* you be a bridesmaid.

3)  Let your brother make his own mistakes and learn from them.

Answer 2

Shout it out to everyone that you are pregnant!! Congrats to you! She has no right to tell you to keep it a secret. I have a beast of a sister in law also, I (personally) would announce it at the rehearsal dinner or bridal shower, but that's just me. If you don't want to be a bridesmaid then don't, I am sure your husband will understand.

My beast of a sister in law actually told me that I had to let her have kids first so her kids don't get my kids hand me downs. Good thing she can't put her wine glass down for a day, let alone nine months!

Answer 3

I would tell her that in the interests of not stealing the spotlight you would appreciate it if she replaced you in the wedding. You don't need the stress right now anyway.

I think your whole family should get your bro aside and stage an  "intervention" airing the reasons he should reconsider marrying her. Then if he does marry her at least you tried to open his eyes.

Answer 4

I would tell your brother to take his bride and shove it!

What a low class ***** - just get away from her and stay there.  There's really nothing else you can do.  Make her get another bridesmaid, as they should be friends of hers.  Bet she can't find anyone.  Your baby does not need the stress.

You and your husband worry about your child and let your equally low-class brother worry about the witch he is planning to wed.

Best of luck to you and your baby.

Answer 5

I'd put a pillow under my dress and tell her to get bent.

But that's just me.

Answer 6

Tell your family as soon as you are ready and don't worry about what she thinks. Go to the wedding (for your brother) but if its possible opt out of being a bridesmaid. I mean as long as you don't plan to announce your pregnancy at the wedding then I don't see how you would "steal her glory". Enjoy your pregnancy. I wish you and your baby the best.  

Answer 7

Wow. This woman is horrible. Do not keep your good news from anyone. Regardless of what some self-centered people believe, the wedding day is NOT 100% about the bride. Unless she's planning on entertaining every single guest for 100% of the reception, she must expect people to be able to amuse themselves with conversation.

Since this is your brother-in-law's wedding, you have no obligation to stay in the wedding party. Tell her you don't want to steal any of her attention with your belly showing at the wedding (even if you know it won't be showing by then).

For the groom's sake, someone close to him needs to tell him what is going on with this woman before it's too late. If he has children with this witch, they will be linked for life (as will you to her). Someone needs to let him know there's a problem. Perhaps he's having second thoughts himself, but doesn't think that anyone else sees her flaws.

Someone owes him the chance to step back and take a look. Trust me, he will be miserable with her.

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