Sister-in-law now engaged to the racist homophob! Help!?

Question

Maybe some of you remember my question from earlier about how to deal with this guy. I must have a 6th sense or something b/c they got engaged today. Ugh. This guy openly said he wished all g**s would die or go live on another island away from us, calls them "those people", etc. He only let it out once, wed. night, at of the entire time I have known him. Now I go home from work tonight and we are supposed to celebrate since my sis-in-law lives with us and he is always there. So, at this point do I say anything to him about his words or wait until he slips up again? I honestly don't want him anywhere near my 1 year old now and they were very close before. He is great with kids, but now I wonder what he could say to him, especially when he is older and more impressionable. What to do?

Answer 1

It sounds like to me.  He is just versing his opinion of the g*y movement.  He sounds like he is normal to me.  I feel the same way he does.

Answer 2

Ask him why he feels the way he does.

I've learned it is usually passed down or generated by some act.

Judge not..

Would you feel more comfortable about him being around your son if he were g*y instead of a homophobic?

Also, if you poor mouth him around your sister, the more you will distant yourself from her.

Just set a good example.

Answer 3

I don't think that I'd be able to leave it alone, either.   I'd probably end up bringing up topics of homosexuality and/or race in conversation until I could get it out in the open & talk it out.  

I wouldn't worry too much about how much influence he's going to have on  your son.  Just keep talking to your son about how you feel about differences in people and, if your son ever does say something that you don't agree with, address the ideas with him, directly - holding him responsible for what he says & does (not the person who influenced him).

Answer 4

i would let it go this time. he might have had a slight moment where he thought saying that was ok around you. HOWEVER if he says it again, i would tell him that he has a right to his opinion, but you don't want your child learning something that closed-minded . my hubby used to say things like that (homophobic) and when he got around my kids, i stopped it immedately. and now, he has totally changed. he doesn't say anything. the difference here is, if he respects you and your home he shouldn't say it again, because you DONThave to live with him, your sis-in -law does. i would give it another chance though, he might not realize how strongly you feel. the racist comment of course, the same way. absolutely not! that is a little worse becuase your child will see and understand the difference of color before he will understand homsexuality. i would definitely step in next time , if it is in front of you, regardless if your child is there or not. that way he know how you feel on the subject, and he hopefully will be more careful around your child when you aren't there.

Answer 5

Kill him with kindness and teach by example.  Thought processes can be changed, haters can be turned, people can be rehabilitated into more civilized gentler beings.  I have seen it happen.

Answer 6

I wouldn't be able to let it go either especially since you don't think that way. I would ask him how he would feel if his son or daughter came home with a boyfriend or girlfriend of the opposite race or told them they where homosexual? would he disown them would he hate them? or would he try to except who they are because they are his children?

unfortunately we still have people who think this way all we can do is pray for them and continue to do good in our lives. but you don't want to bad mouth him this may push your sister futher away. I would also ask your sister how she feels about this your not this way so she obviously wasn't raised that way. make her see that all though she may love him his thought's and opinions are going to have effect on their marriage espically when they have children