Sister stealing wedding?

Question

Here's the deal... One year ago, my boyfriend proposed. We decided to have our wedding in October '09 (we decided this last year) so we could save money for it. Last weekend, my sister got engaged. I was thrilled for her! Then today when I asked when they were thinking of having the wedding she said "don't get upset, but we want to have it around the same time as yours. A few weeks apart" ?! How are our family members supposed to afford it? And we are supposed to be in each others wedding parties- How are you supposed to help each other when you have your own wedding to stress about it? I've just been so upset about it all day, I've been near tears... I don't want to freak out on her, but I feel that she is being so selfish. Am I over reacting?

Answer 1

Talk to your mom about this, as well as your sister. Ideally, family weddings should be at least three months apart.

Answer 2

Not at all . She is really being selfish .... you need to talk to her . She could really hurt the family and your relationship by stealing your day.

Answer 3

If your really not ok with it then tell her that, but you could always have a co-wedding, if you wanted to share that with your sister. I kinda think that would be something really cute and romantic, but in the same aspect, I would not want to share my month with anyone in my family, but if you wanted to save time and money and grief mention the co-wedding. GOOD LUCK

Answer 4

Did you ask her WHY they decided this?

Might want to have a conversation with her to see her reasoning behind her decision before freaking out.

For some reason it might make sense to her (though I can't understand why, myself) She already suspected that it would upset you, so I'm real curious.

Sit her down & calmly explain to her you think it will be a hardship on the family & that there is no way you can be in her wedding when you're planning yours.

If she can't be reasoned with.....then freak.  

Good luck!

Answer 5

An engagement should be for one year or less.  Your sister is also wrong to set her wedding day around the same time as yours.  

Two things.  She either needs to change her date or have you considered a double wedding?  Talk about it.  It would save a lot of money and hardship on your friends and family.  You can still have separate bridal showers, but just think...  sharing your wedding day with your sister!  Yes, you can have different gowns, and stuff, but I think it's a perfect solution.  Double weddings are double fun, you each still have your special day yet you still share it with your sister.  You'd both would save a LOT of money on sharing the reception, and the food.  You can have separate favors, separate cakes.  I think it would be a wonderful day to have two sisters share the same wedding day.  Your family and friends will never forget that wedding, that's for sure!  Your dad would have one of you on each of his arms.... what a sight!  It would be a most memorable day indeed.

Answer 6

Sounds terrible, that is so selfish. She obviously doesn't care about your feelings so don't worry about hers, as long as your wedding date is before hers more power to her. I think she will have no one to blame but her self when her wedding is ruined because no one shows up.

You have enough stress, just plan your wedding & worry about hers when your wedding is done. Good luck, I wish you all the best & congrats on fiding that special someone to spend the rest of your life with!!!

Answer 7

You are so not overreacting.  But, it sounds like there is little that you can do, unless you have the kind of relationship with her where you could ask that she plan it at least in a different season than yours.

First, I would ask her about why she is planning it for that time.  If she has some fantastic reason (like her fiance is in the military and that is the only time he can come home) then fine.  But if it's just because they like the sound of it, explain your concerns to her.  If she has her wedding within a few weeks of yours, not only will it be a financial burden on the family (although it is far enough in advance for everyone to budget) but people will have to go to back to back showers, and one of you may be on your honeymoon the week before the other's wedding - or worse, the wedding!

I had a friend who had planned her wedding and then her brother got engaged and his now wife picked a date 4 weeks before my friend's wedding.  When she complained to her other siblings about it, they pretty much said that she was being dramatic.  But the fact is, it fractured her family because she felt completely overshadowed and she resented them and she didn't receive any support from her family for her feelings (he was the golden boy so he could do no wrong).  Perhaps that is why she moved out of state shortly after her wedding....

However, the good news is that it's your sister.  And the fact that you are talking about how it will affect each other's ability to help out with the other's wedding tells me that you have a close relationship.  Therefore, I would talk with her about it and see what she says.  If she won't budge on the season, then perhaps you should move your wedding up to be before hers such that you don't have to play second fiddle with all of the festivities (and yours was planned first!).

Good luck!

Answer 8

I'd kill my sister if she did this to me! Can't your mother help??  She is being very selfish and a brat! Good Luck.

Answer 9

No you arent overreacting.  You have had the date set for a while.  and you are right, the families wont be able to afford all the showers, attire, gifts and travel.  It is too much stress on the both of you.  

Tell her that you are upset and ask her if she would be willing to go for next fall-more time to plan and save and distance the two wedding so no one gets overwhelmed.

Answer 10

No, I don't think you are overreacting. It is a long time from now until October '09. She has plenty of different dates to choose from. Ask her those same questions and see what she has to say and state your reasons (as you mentioned) for not having them at the same time. It is only logical for her to change her date.

Answer 11

Weddings should be joyous, not stressful.  They are about love, not money.  Try to be happy for your sister that she has found the love of her life.  People put alot of thought into selecting their wedding date.  I am sure she considered your wedding date before she decided on hers.  For some reason, you both want fall weddings.  If relatives want to attend only one or if they want to attend both, then it is up to them.  If they are not able to afford nice gifts for both of you, well, so be it.  Their blessings should be sufficient.  If they want to buy gifts, they still have 12 months from the wedding date to do so.  Try to not worry about it.  Confronting her will only cause hard feelings and additional stress.  I think you should just try to deal with it.  This is not a competition.

Answer 12

I think that its selfish of your sister if she has known for a while you wanted that time of year haha like "you called it" and you should really tell her how you feel in a nice way and explain to her about how hard it would be for your families so i think bc shes your sister she will understand and not get upset at you.

Answer 13

First, sweetie, you get one day for your wedding, not the week, most certainly not the whole month....

You mentioned the weddings will be a few weeks apart.....there is nothing wrong with that, especially if one is in the beginning of Oct and the other is towards the end.......

As far as what your family can & cannot afford, that is totally up to them....I can understand some concern on your part, but is it because you may get a more modest gift since there are now two weddings to attend?

I am asuming you have no problems sharing the spotlight.

Well, it's unfortunate that neither one of you can be in each other's wedding party....altho I am sure that with over a year to plan you both could be, if you both truely want to......

Wedding planning is only as stressful as YOU make it, believe ,me....my first wedding was a big white formal church affair...no wedding planner....did most of the work myself,& my Mother....no big deal, really......

My second wedding was small....did it all by my lonesome...even my own catering...no big deal.

It's easy to turn a molehill into a mountain.....sounds like you're doing just that.....

Your sister has the right to select any day other than yours to marry.......if you are truely happy for her then you will work with the situation rather than wringing your hands and shedding tears....examine you true reasons for re-acting this way while you are pondering hers....I think you'll be suprised at why you are truely upset, and it's not primarily the cost to the relatives, Hon.....good luck.

Answer 14

You are overreacting. She is not "stealing" your wedding, or being selfish. Maybe that day means something to them, or it's the day that works out best for them. You don't have a corner on the whole month, so no reason to be upset. If she wanted to do it on the same day, yes I would see how you would be mad but a few weeks after? No.