Sisters through adoption close in age?

Question

I watch three little ones, a new 5yr old, 3yr old and 2yr old. The younger ones are 9 months apart. When the 2yr old was born her 3yr old sister had just been adopted three months earlier at 6mons. Whenever I go out with just them people always ask me "are they sisters", I say "yes" and they say "Oh, so she is adopted?" Its clear with her korean features. Why do people have to assume to she is the adopted one? It drives me crazy, her sister could very well be the one who is! I want to say "No, she stolen" and see their reaction. Or I want to say "No, she is adopted" and point to her American sister and see their response but I suppose its not polite and I would never really do it ...

Answer 1

Kinda similar situation but rarely do people assume one of our children was adopted.  On the rare occasion that someone actually asks me this, i kindly reply "I choose not to answer that question at this time." "Thanks."

I don't know if i'm right or not but i consider adoption as my daughter's story to tell.  If and when she chooses to tell someone that is her right.  I will not tell people which one of our children was adopted, its not my story to tell.  

Except for here cause its anonymous and it helps to tell my situation.  I'm sorry to hear about the rude comments.

Answer 2

I really like the "Why do you ask?" response too.  It puts the ball back in their court and is polite enough while still challenging the appropriateness of their question.

Answer 3

They assume that because, statistically speaking, it is more likely that the a.parents are white and the adoptee is a minority than the other way around (although my mom's colleague and her husband are Hispanic and they did foster care adoptions of a white sibling set as well as a Hispanic girl...proving that there are execptions to every statistical truth).

But I wanted to tell you about me and few of my cousins:

I'm a heavy, curly-haired brunette with glasses; two of my cousins are blue-eyed blondes who look so similar to one another that they get mistaken for twins; another two look quite different from each other, but are each half-Chinese; we are all between 23 and 26 years old and we are regular, blood-related, first cousins.

You would not believe the stupid comments that we get. Some people don't understand how it is possible that we could be related while others ask me if I'm Chinese (um, no) or if my uncle was adopted and Chinese (no, he was a regular Jewish boy from Brooklyn who married a Chinese woman--at which point we get asked if that makes us half-cousins). Some even ask "so...who's adopted?" after we tell them that we are blood-related.

People make all kinds of assumptions and have a difficult time shedding their preconcieved notions.

Answer 4

I have actually had people suggest that my son looks "just" like me, when it's SOOOOO obvoius, that I am Mexican, Brown head to toe,  and he is Caucasion, with blonde hair, blue eyes and very fair skin.

Not sure what it's about, maybe they just don't know what to say. Maybe the think It'll make me feel better about him not being of my womb. IDK

Answer 5

you are just taking offense to this and i am sure there is nothing meant by this. you need to sit down and relax and be nice to them. they are just asking and wanting to know and they arenot trying to be mean take care. not all people are ugly its just curiosity and that is fine. that is hwo the world goes around and one learns.

Answer 6

you should say 'no she is' if you want they're rude to say that! so you have a right to return the favour.

Answer 7

I am always amazed how rude people are.

Answer 8

You could smile and say, "Why do you ask?"  

If you're feeling particularly pithy, you might add,"That's a fairly personal question. Why do you ask?"  

Or, "Hmmm. Are you taking a survey?" (lightly...as if joking)

You can say, "No. But I am." (LOL)  

If asked with a smile, the person may feel a bit silly or embarrassed when they realize that they have indeed asked a rather personal question.

They may be asking because they have an adopted child, sibling, cousin, relative, close friend.  It's human nature to be curious. You can use it as an opportunity to educate people to be more sensitive and still be open.

Are you uncomfortable with the topic of adoption? When you are more comfortable discussing it (sometimes that just means having a ready answer), you'll probably feel a lot less "crazy" when people ask questions.

My son is handicapped, but doesn't appear so. Often, people don't readily recognize his limitations.  Sometimes kids  notice he's different & will stare.  I always take the opportunity to say, "Hi. His name is Scott. He doesn't talk much. What's your name?"  And I ask them if they have any questions.

When he was little, I was very uncomfortable with the stares of strangers. It was the kids who'd walk right up & ask me, "What's wrong with him" that helped me get over my OWN discomfort & learn how to talk to people.  

Hope this is helpful.

ETA Like IURB, his sitter was dark haired, dark complexion, he's fair skinned, blond, blue eyed.  People assumed he was her son...along with her 2 other kids who looked just like her!