Skipping the family dances at our wedding???

Question

I'm getting married in 39 days and my father passed away in 2003. I'm excited about our first dance but had been contemplating skipping the father/daughter and mother/son dances. However, I did feel bad about not allowing my fiance`s mother to dance with her only child/son. I planned not to address it because I know my finance probably wouldn't care about that part. Last night his mother asked him to dance with her. So long story short, there is no one that else that I want to share that special moment with. I'd rather skip the whole thing but I don't want to deny his mother this special moment. BTW- his parents have given a generous contribution to the wedding, paid for the rehearsal dinner, and they're hosting a big wedding shower for us. So how do I compromise with his mother on this without feeling akward at my own wedding?

Answer 1

You could dance with your grandpa, brother, someone like that. My future SIL danced with her grandpa because her dad died a long time ago and he raised her.

Answer 2

For the portion where you are supposed to dance with your father, you could do a slideshow in his honor. The best song would be "Dance With My Father" by Luther Vandross. I guarantee that there won't be a dry eye in the house. Also, during the wedding, you can have a table set up with your father's picture and you and your mother or whomever can light the candle to symbolize his presence. You can also place a rose in the place where he would have been sitting at the reception. You could place the rose on the pew or the chair and people would already know the significance because no words would need to be said. You could also have an empty chair at the reception and place a single rose and a picture on the table, so that it's like he is watching. If you have his wedding ring, you can place it in your bouquet. You could also have a moment of silence at the reception or during the ceremony. There is no written rule that says that you have to do all of the dances. Do what makes you feel comfortable. Do the first dance as husband and wife, do the mother-son, and do something like the mother-daughter dance. I danced with my mother. It was a far cry from traditional, but it was very funny.

Answer 3

just sit them both down and expalin whats going on, you never know she might expect your idea of of it

Answer 4

Just let them dance. there are no rules saying you must BOTh dance, but let them do it. Thats what I'll be doing.

Answer 5

Who says it has to be father/daughter, Mother/Son?

Why not Dance with your own Mum?

Answer 6

I say let them do the mother/son dance. Like you said, you don't want to deny his mom the special moment. You don't need to do a father daughter dance with someone else. Just skip that one. No one will think it's wierd considering the circumstances. No one can take your dad's place.

Answer 7

Could you dance with your mother? It's not traditional, but it might be a great moment to share with her.

If there is not anyone you want to dance with, and your future MIL really wants to do the mom/son dance, just let them. You don't have to participate as well. Do your first dance, the mother/son dance, and then open the dancing to everyone. The people close to you will understand.

And I'm so, so sorry about your dad.

Answer 8

have them have a dance together later on when there are others also on the dance floor.

Answer 9

You could dance with another relative or close friend- a brother, grandfather or even your mother if you wanted to.

His mother has probably been looking forward to the dance since she asked him. If you really don't want to dance with anyone else, you don't have to- you could either sit the dance out or just make the mother/son dance somewhere in the evening where it's like just another dance rather than making it a big deal. It sounds as though this dance could be important to his mother though.

Answer 10

just announce a Mother son dance.  Make no explanation.  after that all dance.

Answer 11

My sister-in-law was in the exact same situation.

She danced with her mom and it was wonderful!

Yes, your mother-in-law should still have this honor.

Answer 12

I know that you're just talking about a mother/son dance, but your mother might want the chance to have a dance with him too (i.e what would have happened during the father/daughter dance). Maybe both of them can just be done in the first couple of dances, without announcing it? Or you guys can have the mother/son dance where you two dance with his parents as the announced dance, and then you can both take a turn dancing with his mom.

Answer 13

My father passed away too...iam getting married in 2010..iam dancing with my mother...when he dances with his mom...why not try that...

its your wedding do what feels right to you and your parnter!!!

Answer 14

It sounds like this is important to your future mother-in-law so let them dance. Have the DJ announce a special tribute to your father and have a slide show of pictures of the two of you as you grew up together play instead of a dance.

Answer 15

I think you should let the mother/son dance go ahead.

You could dance with your FIL - or with the best man. My father had passed away two years before our wedding, and I danced with my older brother. My husband's mom wasn't there, so he danced with my mom.

*Added - I can understand you not wanting someone else to dance with at that time. So after the dance with you and your husband, then let them have the mother/son dance, then the whole bridal party dances, then close family, then open dance.

Answer 16

i think you should just do the dance with the best man and dedicate it to your father. honestly.

Answer 17

Dance with another close relative like an uncle or brother. Or don't dance with anyone and just let your fiance dance with his mother.