Slob of a husband. ready to kick some but?

Question

I can't take the slob of s husband, I am going absolutely nuts. Sometimes I am in tears because I am always struggling to pick up. Please dont say not to pick up, because it makes it WORSE.... he thinks then he has to do absolutely nothing. I have tried being on strike, being nice, even withholding "things". Nothing works. He just doesnt get it and doesnt care. I dont know what else to do. Then I get really mad, and he gets all ticked off and THEN cleans (at least for 10 minutes anyway). he will make breakfast (i dont care much for breakfast, I am a cereal person) and then leave stuff all over. then says how he helped me "wash my dishes" (jokingly, but I dont think it's a joke, it ticks me off). ANY other advice appreciated. We have done counseling and I recently took pictures around the house comparing his stuff and my stuff, so I could show the counselor. I am ready to blow up.

Answer 1

You can either be pissed about this, as you so clearly are or you can do it because you love your husband and care about living in a clean house. You can bi&ch and moan all you want about this but its not getting you anywhere. You either suck it up and deal with it or you leave. You are the one who is control of your life. You are the one who is in control of your thoughts, feelings, actions, words...and if you feel that this is a big enough reason to quit your marriage, then by all means do it but no one is going to respect you for it.

Just wait till you start having kids. It is a never ending pile of sh&t that you have to clean up, on a daily basis. If you have a hard time cleaning up after your husband, then don't have kids. Please. There is no therapy for that.

Do it with a smile on your face. There are so many more things to worry about in this world. Pick your battles.

And more so, have the mentality, what if he was never coming back? Make each day you have with him, the best there is because none of us live forever. And who really knows when their time is coming to an end.

Answer 2

so he doesn't pick up after himself...got news for ya, a lot of men don't, including mine. just ask yourself though, is there anything that he does more of that you don't? does he work long hours, spend a lot of time with the kids or do yardwork? you may be doing more of the cleaning but he may be doing more of something else you may not be thinking about or realizing. look at all sides of everything, he knows this bothers you if you've tried to tell him before so maybe he feels he does enough of something else that you don't. i don't mean to sound like i'm defending him, i'm just telling you this because i went thru something similar with my husband but i didn't realize how much he did that i didn't. i work full time and keep the house clean, he works and does anything that goes wrong, anything from plumbing issues, electrical issues, yardwork, etc. shovels in the winter, starts my car when its cold out, and cleans it off, you know simple stuff like that. we save a lot of money on hiring people to do these kinds of things because he does them.  

Answer 3

No one is perfect. I bet you do something that he hates also.

Just talk to him about how you feel

good luck

Answer 4

you had to know he was a slob when you married him so don't expect him to change completely......but why don't you try this stop washing his clothes and making him dinner and when he asks why tell him that you don't have time because you are always cleaning...then tell him that if he starts helping you clean up then you will do those things for him.....you need help and it's not fair......or make a list of things he needs to do by the a certain time and tell him if it's not done he'll be sleeping on the couch.....or give him a list and tell him once he is done that you'll blow his mind!!!...haha.........i hope this helps

Answer 5

if he is that bad really then leave him 4 awhile (like a week or so) tell him u need a vacation from him that will give u time 2 think by yourself . then figure out what u want to do. good luck

Answer 6

Men just don't get the cleaning up factor like women do so your not in a boat by yourself. Since you have tried all the suggestion I was going to give you, the only thing left is to get a big box and when you see something of his he has left behind, put it in the box. This means everything he leaves out. (kitchen is not included). Soon the box will get full, he can't find his things, he will see (as the box is a reminder of his habit) that how NOT putting things away or picking up his stuff can get out of hand. Don't empty the box for him, let him look at it. Maybe he will get the message that everything has a home, even his junk!

Answer 7

It sounds like you've really tried out all the available options.  Ask your husband if he can work a few extra hours to pay for a maid because you're not working as one anymore.  Your mental health is necessary for this marriage to survive and the constant fighting about the chores is not something you're willing to put up with.  Then, if you take care of the budgeting, allot for a cleaning service to come in several times a week for help.  

If you don't want to divorce the man and you want to stay sane, hire a maid.

Answer 8

It sounds like this problem is a lot worse than the typical "men are not as neat as women problem", huh?  I'm not as neat as my wife, but I do have a level...and once it's crossed, it drives me nuts until it is clean.  

The only other thing I can think of is anxiety or depression of some sort.  Things like that tend to get put on the back burner when people are REALLY upset.  For example, my son went through a phase where he cut himself, and he needed medication to balance out his anxiety levels so he could function.  I know this is a reach, but it sounds like you've exhausted many of the other possibilities.  

If this isn't it, I'd say you gave this your best shot and now it's time for HIM to figure it out.  Maybe just tell him, "Ive given this my best shot.  Now YOU tell me how we can run a household, keep our marriage strong and show our daughter how adults take care of things."

Good luck.

Answer 9

i find that it does work occasionally to just start cleaning and after 5 or 10 minutes say it would really help/ i would really appreciate it if you'd. . . . be specific! men are just boys and boys are just stupid and helpless! if you really have exhausted all options then i agree with the other response that a few extra hours to pay for a maid should be fair. boys can understand the "rules" of their jobs and so they can actually figure out what to do.

And why is it that after all the d**n hours a day we ladies put into cleaning, putting away, cooking etc that the boys have to make us feel bad after the d**n garbage gets taken out! WOW like 1 minute of work

Answer 10

ok you are very mad. he is sloppy.   witch is the bigger problem here his bad habits or your anger issue with it.  answer that yourself then concentrate on solving one side of the issue at a time. if it is in fact the control and anger that need attention first.  try getting him to help in other ways without picking up.  maybee driving the kids.or laundry.or the budget stuff. start with asking for help that he may give willingly. if you get some of that help let it cool your anger then think more about the distribution of work issue and not about him needing to change because of your anger. he is probably angery about you staying on him for something that you can plainly see he has refused to do. as for putting his stuff where it belongs and him getting mad about you moving it has he agreed that it belongs there, or was he just told that it did.

Answer 11

I think about it like this.  I work at a hospital where I see loved ones loosing each other forever every day just about it (work in the Emergency Room).

And my 24 year old son was killed at work.

And I have cancer now.

so

When my husband leaves stuff around, and I have to clean it up, I think about how lucky I am that he is here to leave that stuff around right now because I know one day it will not be there anymore ever.

oor

I will not be able to pick things up because I might be sicker with this cancer thing.

This mentality helps a BUNCH.

Hopefully, you will never have to go through this, so maybe my answer will help a little.

Answer 12

tell him how you feel. tell him it's serious. that you don't want to be a housewife and that your relationship is in jeapordy. Ask him if you guys can clean together on sundays for 1 hour. Pick who does what job. Don't do his laundry unless he puts his clothes in the hamper. If he leaves stuff around just clean up after yourself and make a big pile in the corner for all his c**p. He will learn to pick up after himself if he never has clean clothes and can't find anything he needs. The dishes is a tough one. How about whoever cooks doesn't clean. If he makes breakfast you clean up and if you make dinner he cleans up. I dunno. The only way any of this works is if he cares about how it makes you fell and so you have to tell him.

Answer 13

is a separation in order possibly?  sometimes you have to really shake things up to get things done.  i know it's drastic but i doubt he'll learn any other way.  and this may not even help.  he sounds like he just doesn't believe you when you say you need help.

i'd get my own place.  but then i don't suffer fools well.

Answer 14

Hire a maid or if you can't afford that, move out.  Let him and his daughter suffocate in their mess.

Answer 15

Learn to hid and leave stuff in his way so that he needs to look for it and has to move stuff to find what he needs.  just keep on at this and see if he gets the idea.  it is more like when he has something there that he will need to find you slid something over it so that it is not easy to find.  Call it learning from consequences.

rd

Answer 16

My husband uses lots of dishes and I simply make a threw some dishes in the garbage and bought paper plates. I keep my kitchen simple and he atually wants a clean glass ofter drinking from it another hour earlier and demands a different bowl or plate.  I rinse it off and tell him nothing. I accept him and he accepts me. I do not want a maid in my house because I tried it and was ripped off.