Smacking a kid in public????

Question

We were in a restaurant today and my 9 year old son was being very rude to his younger brother and his mother. I warned him twice and he still did not listen, I smacked his cheek (not hard, just a light smack) in public. A few people looked up for a few seconds and then they continued whatever they were doing.

I felt very self conscious and embarrassed for my behavior.. I normally don't do this... but when my son was misbehaving in public I lost my control. I do not like rowdy and impudent kids in public.. and there was no way to send him to his room or have a timeout. We could not walk out of the restaurant... we were still eating.

Yes.. I did something wrong... so you can chide me all you want -- maybe I am not up to date on all the child psych books.

The question is: what would you have done in my place?

Answer 1

You're his parent..it's your decision whether he needed that. The issue isn't that you smacked him, but that you did it in front of people trying to have a relaxing dinner. Whether they agree or disagree, it's awkward for them to witness that. The polite thing to do would have been to take him towards the restrooms or somewhere more private and discipline him there.

Answer 2

First off, forgive yourself.  You were angry and stressed.

Second, sit down with your son at home and tell him that from now on such behavior will result in an immediate trip home and to his room.

Take separate cars if you are with others.

It will take a few times.  Get him up, take him home and put him in his room for an hour.  

Works great.

Hang in, mom!

Answer 3

I have never hit my children.  I don't feel it is necessary.  I notice you said you felt embarassed after you smacked your son.  Was hitting your son worth your embarassment?  When my kids act up in public I remove them.  If my children could not behave in a restaurant I wouldn't take them and I would tell them WHY.  I've left my children with babysitters because of their behavior before.  It works.  And I don't have to embarss myself by hitting my child.

Answer 4

I have spanked my children when it was the "end of the line" with their not obeying, but I would NEVER lay a hand on my child in public. I always make sure (if I think I'm going to have an issue because they're having a bad day) that child is sitting next to a parent if we're going out. All we have to do with our kids is lay our hand over theirs and tell them if the behavior doesn't stop NOW, they will be dealt with as soon as we leave. I have never had to remove a child from a public place  - which would be my next move - because the hand on theirs is all it takes. They KNOW we mean it and they don't want to go their. I'm into creative disciplines - like taking away my 15 yr old daughter's bedroom door, anything they hold precious and dear - they don't want to go there.

Once thing we have always done is have a family chat about our expectations before going out. I ask, "AM I CLEAR ON THIS? DO you understand that you MUST behave?" and we usually don't have a problem. We've raised our children with the knowledge that they HAVE to obey us from the time they were 18 mos. It's not a choice - it's mostly for THEIR safety, etc... But I also believe that our children are not in charge - I am, their dad is. I have teenagers now - and they are certainly NOT in charge.

In the future - have a discussion about your expectations ahead of time when you're all having a good day - let it be a continuous conversation. When you're in the car, playing a game, whatever, have talks about good behavior and why it's important. At a restaurant, you can always bring something with you - or get crayons, etc... from them, so your kids are entertained. Half of what he was doing may have been from boredom. Always bring something along! My kids are 16,14,12 and 10 and my 10 yr old gets bored still and can't handle it unless we keep him occupied or engrossed in conversation! You'll get through it! It gets easier as they get older. I commend you on taking some action and not allowing the bad behavior - just try not to smack in public again. It's nothing for people to think it's abuse. You'll be fine! Your heart is in the right place!

Answer 5

You know what? I don't let my kids act up in public either. And this is what I do.  First keep in mind that many people are offended if they see you discipline a child in public and many won't hesitate to turn you in.

In public if my child is NOT doing what is right, I get on their level, pull them too me, talk in their ear and instead of spanking, swatting, etc. where people get VERY offended and defensive, I pinch on the bottom. I tell them (calmly) in their ear to stop now! And then pinch their bottom.

This tends to be VERY effective as first off no one can see what happened, generally they will look at you like, what did you say to the kid? And the response from your child is one of having been corrected and disciplined with out you feeling pushed over the edge or responding in frusteration. Also it lets your child know that no matter where you are, even in public, if disobedience and bad behavior is happening, correction will happen immediatly.

Answer 6

I will not chide you, but I will tell you that you are lucky that some "concerned" bystander didn't call CPS right then and there.

What my Husband and I used to do is take 2 separate cars to any event when our k i d s were little, and if the k i d s started acting up, one of us would leave the event and go home with the offending c hi ld(ren).

And we stayed away from things that cost a lot of money during this time, when we'd be suffering a loss of sorts if we had to leave.

You'd be amazed how quickly the k i d s started complying. They don't want to leave anything fun!

Answer 7

You sound like a very good and conscientious parent. It is not good to smack children in the face, but I'm sure your son will get over it. If the incident is not too long past you might tell your son that you overreacted and that you feel sorry for what you did.

I don't know how I would have reacted in that situation. Perhaps it might have been enough to say "Stop it now, or you will get severely punished when we are back home." If that didn't stop him probably the only choice would have been to take him outside or to the bathroom and tell him to stay there for 5-10 minutes till you fetch him back in. But that would definitely have ruined your family dinner...

Answer 8

What would I have done?  This sort of action isn't my style. I would have taken the kid away from the situation to talk to him alone while my spouse watched the other kid - then given him h**l with a quiet voice in the corner.  But my situation is different - my kid responds to that voice because I rarely pull it out and she knows it means business (and maybe because she's a girl? who knows.).

But I just wanted to caution you to be very, very careful.  In my state if you spank a child in public you can be arrested on the spot - much less strike a child in the face.  Light smack or not, if a cop had been there, or someone had called the cops, you would have had your son taken away until the matter could be investigated.  So please, please - find another way to get through to your child when you're in public.  

I heartily believe in keeping kids with their parents unless they are truly in an abusive situation, but Child Protective Services will break up a family if they want to.  You don't want anyone to call the government into your family business!

Answer 9

First time, you should have given him a warning.  "Alright, that's enough of that, sit down and eat your food."

Second time, you should have given him a more severe warning. "Listen, to me.  That is disrespectful behavior, and you do not act like that towards your mother.  Now, if you don't want to be embarrassed, I suggest you sit down and behave."  Then you should have made him apologize.

The third time, you should have stood him up, and given him a smack on the butt, making sure to draw attention to yourself while doing it so that he was embarrassed.

Then later on in private, you should have explained to him why that spanking was necessary.  Remember, if you are going to discipline a child, you need to let them know why you did it so the message gets across.  Otherwise, children have no idea why they were disciplined and the disciplinary action will have turned out pointless.  Then tell your son that you love him and that you don't want to have to do that again so behave!

I understand why you did what you did though...It irks me to no end when children are disrespectful.

Answer 10

I probably would have taken the child out to the car to have a time out. stay out there with him obviously. I know you were eating but sometimes you need to be a parent before you do something for yourself. or taken him to the bathroom and stand in a corner

Answer 11

You reacted in a moment of anger, most have done that at some point, the good thing is you realize what you did was wrong and are now aware of it.  Sit down and work out a discipline plan for situation exactly like that one.  Hitting for being rude is not good at all so instead you need to find another form of discipline.  Since you are aware of what you did being wrong I would suggest going to a parenting class, see if there are any through Incredible Years in your area and they will work with you on different methods of handling inappropriate behavior in public because what you did to most is considered worse than your children being rude.  You can BTW excuse yourself to the restroom or walk outside or let him know he will have timeout when he gets home or that because of his actions he will lose a privalege.

Answer 12

It is hard, i have a 9 year old child, and a 12 year old and they fight all the time. But it's usually the younger one bothering the older. I tell her to stop she doesn't listen. So then i say 'If you don't listen to me, your going to get a punishment.' So she doesnt, lets say i say 'You are not alloud to watch tv, play on the computer, talk to your friends, or anything. For 1 week'

Then she will sit in her room wondering why i did that, i should listen next time.

Works everytime. Now i dont have a problem with her, shes good as gold!

=)

Answer 13

I would have told him to stand up and walk outside with me.  If he didn't do that, I'd grab him by the arm and drag him outside.  When outside, I'd give him a good talking about his behavior and also demand that he appologize to his mother and brother.  Also, when standing up for your wife (his mother) I would say something along the lines of "You are to never talk to my wife that way.  I do not tolerate anyone talking to my wife in such a disrespectful manner."  In that sense you are showing him that your wife comes first and that women are to be loved and cherished.  I would also make him appologize to the people sitting around you (if he was really loud and rude).  A little humiliation can go a long way.

Answer 14

The exact same thing! I am sorry I think there is a difference in punishing your child and cild abuse and now days we as parents ae not even aloowed to punish our children without someone running behind us saying that it is wrong. I have taken my child out of a store and spanked her for acting out. WHen returning to the store the clerk actually thanked me and said that most parents just let their kids do whatever now days.

  Of course we get starred at and made to feel bad but also those same people would not want our childrens behavior ruining their supper.

So if you weren't beating your child ..you honestly do not have anything to feel bad about. It will be your child in 10 years still respecting others.

Answer 15

A smack on the butt would have been just as affective, I think, and would have sufficiently embarrassed him to the point he might have calmed down.  

Hitting on the face is never a good idea.  I know you lost your temper so walk away next time and count to ten.

Answer 16

why you feel so sorry about that.

in my childhood my parents smacked me lot of times (never in public) but i forget most of them. i now understand that they smacked me for my faults.

my suggestion is tell your son about his fault and also tell him to write it down to his diary. i think this will help him to understand what is good and what is wrong.

the answer of your question is

i dont know maybe smacked him at the bottom.

Answer 17

If he has a mouthy issue, use some vinegar in a little spray bottle, it tastes awful and is safe to ingest. While we are out, I take along some Q tips soaked in vinegar in a little baggy.  If they are mouthy, put one in there mouth. It lets him know that I am done and the behavior is no longer acceptable or funny.

Answer 18

If your child mis-behaves in a public place like restaurant and continues to do so in spite of warning him, naturally one may loose temper. But the temper this time was not controlled and you made a mistake. OK You are self conscious, embarrassed, but you have to think the preventive way not  about using force on adamant children.

Second warn for the last and final time to stop it. If he doe snot obey, quit the eating and pay for what is consumed. If some thing ordered has not arrived then  go to the counter of the restaurant and tell the manager to pack what was ordered for a takeaway.

Explain children how bad is misbehaving at home and outside home. Also warn that no more going to retardants and public place visits for relaxing and fun and frolick. The moment children start misbehaving at home be strict enough, first at home. This method does work on children of that age

Answer 19

I love what G M L said.  ANd that has been the practice in our house right along.  Daddy has said to our children "You may not treat my wife that way."  Reinforcing the marriage tradition and authority of both parents.

And since our 3 were tiny, we have made them apologize to people at tables near us.  It's so true that a little (I said LITTLE) humiliation goes a long way.  And ya know what? The people we apologize to invariably say something like "Are you kidding? Your kids are angels compared to my (niece, cousin, fill in the blank.).

You're fine...a momentary loss of control. It happens. I believe in spanking -- on the clothed bottom, with a hand once for each year of the child's age.  

Our kids have seldom been spanked past the age of 7 because they learn what's expected of them :)