Small mountain wedding or huge home wedding???

Question

My Fiance' and I haven't set a date yet. He said that whatever I decide then we will go with. He is 46 and I am 26. My parents are civil but really don't like the fact that we have been together and now getting married. My parents have always wanted me to get married in their vineyard and then have the reception at their winery which would make for a great wedding and quite a big one at that since we both have big families. But since my parents aren't exactly thrilled with us tying the knot I have been thinking about going to the mountains for a week and have a few close friends and relatives there for a cute small cabin wedding. What would you ladies do in this situation???

Answer 1

Take the small mountain wedding. Who wants to be thinking about how certain people feel negative about your relationship on your special day? Plus, I've never heard anyone who regretted having a small intimate wedding.I wish I could have had one myself like at the end of runaway bride!

Answer 2

Hard choice. I would go with the small wedding though because that way you will have ALL close friends and family. And becasue that idea actually came from you, so I know you would like it. Its much easier and its different.

Answer 3

This is a tough one. I would have to say if your parents are not in agreeing with your marriage then you should not get married on their property. That would not be a positive way to start off your marriage. The option that you are choosing seems much more intimate and nicer.  

Answer 4

Let me speak to this as a parent and as a woman whose parents weren't happy about my husband at first.

They aren't thrilled because of the age gap (I'm guessing) but they love you and I'm sure would want to share in your wedding day. Ideally this is the only wedding you will have and years from now when you are happily married and they have seen what a great husband he has been, they will love and accept him.  

It would be a shame if your one wedding wasn't exactly as you dreamed because of how they feel at the moment.

Talk to them and let them know that this is the man you have chosen to marry and even though you don't expect them to love him like a son right now, you would appreciate them respecting your choice. Then talk about what sort of wedding everyone would be most comfortable with.

Answer 5

If I was footing the bill, I would definitely go for a small wedding.

Answer 6

Since your parents don't support your getting married, then they shouldn't have to support paying for your wedding.

The mountain option is a great choice. You're showing that you are mature enough to handle your own relationship on your own terms. Be sure, however, to invite your parents. (You don't mention inviting them to the mountain wedding, just "relatives.")

Answer 7

What do you truly want?   I'm not talking about what's easy or what your family wants.  What do you want?

Honestly, it isn't going to be any easier having a small wedding vs. a large wedding.  The issue is still going to be there.  You only marry once and I say do something you want.  Do what is ultimately going to make you happy, because your parents are going to have issues either way.  

You seem to like the vineyard idea, so why not do it?  If that's what you really want and have dreamed about, go for it.  The only way this issue is going to get resolved is if your parents decide to change or you drop them from your life.   I would not suggest dropping them..  So, either way.....big or small wedding, this is the issue.   Do what you really, truly want for your wedding and not something low-key because you think it'll make the issue less of one.

Answer 8

i would have it at the family vineyard as a symbol of your/his respect for them and that you will still honor them even though they're not crazy about the idea of you marrying him. imagine if your daughter was marrying someone you weren't sure about and then she didn't get married where you (and she) had always dreamed of her getting married on top of it. if i were you i would give them the respect of seeing me marry at the beautiful family home. and the fact that you can invite all family and friends is a big plus!! good luck!!

Answer 9

Only a mother would suggest that everyone sit down and talk about what 'everyone' is comfortable with.  Ditch that idea.  This is your wedding.  Do what is going to make you and your fiance happiest.  Try not to let your parent's (hopefully temporary) feelings of unease steer you away from your childhood dream of the wedding in the vineyard. And don't try to punish them for their feelings by having the wedding elsewhere. It's often hard to distinguish what you really desire when you have an emotion-laden event like a wedding to deal with.  Take a quiet moment and try to tease out the various feelings you are having and get down to the kernel of what you really want.  I find writing down all my feelings (big, small, selfish or not) surrounding a particular issue will often help me figure out what I'm really thinking and feeling and help me make the right decision.  

Either way, mountain top or vineyard, it'll be a beautiful, happy day.  You really can't go wrong when you're marrying the person you love.  Location is secondary, Groom is primary.  

Good luck!

Answer 10

Hi.  I agree with some of the other answers.

First....what do YOU want (vineyard or mountain)?  And, why can't you have a small wedding at the vineyard/winery?  It doesn't need to be huge, if you want small.

I would also speak with your parents.  Tell them how you feel.  That you are hurt because they do not seem happy for you.  Ask them if they would still consider hosting (I don't mean pay...I mean host...I know you already said you are paying) the wedding at their vineyard/winery.

Good luck with your decision.  I know it must be hard for you.

PS....give them a chance.  It takes us moms a while to come around sometimes....but eventually we do!