Snappy Comebacks to Rude Questions About Adopted Children?

Question

I have three children whom we adopted from Korea, which is quite common where we live. People are constantly stopping us in stores, coming up to us in restarants, zoos, etc and asking very very personal questions about our children.

The questions are invasive and embarass my kids, who are now 9, 6 and 3. I'm not talking about questions by those interested in adoption, I'm talking about just plain busybodies. I need some great comebacks for the following questions, as I'm getting tired of the ones I always use. I'm looking for searing one liners for any or all questions below that will make the askers wither.

How much did they cost?

Are they REAL brothers and sister, you know what I mean?

Why didn't their REAL parents want them?

Are their real parents dead?

Why didn't you adopt white babies?

The Asian babies are really cheap, aren't they?

Do you have to feed them a lot of rice?

Do they know they're adopted?

What do you know about their REAL parents?

Answer 1

Well you know, all those 'rude' people do have a point.

Answer 2

How much did they cost? = "Alot more then your trashy kids."

Are they REAL brothers and sister, you know what I mean? = "Are you REALLY that much of a moron, know what I mean?"

Why didn't their REAL parents want them? = "No clue, why didnt your REAL parents want you?"

Are their real parents dead? = "No clue, but I bet your kids wish their parents were."

Why didn't you adopt white babies? = "Why don't you go back to the 1950s?"

The Asian babies are really cheap, aren't they? = "So are arrogant b*****s who don't shut the h**l up."

Do you have to feed them a lot of rice? = "Do you know you need to go take a 3rd grade history class?"

Do they know they're adopted? = "Do you know you're a moron?"

What do you know about their REAL parents? = "More then you know about your REAL parents, i'm sure."

Maybe i'm a *****. :D But either way that's how I would reply.

Answer 3

We've faced some of those questions about our adopted daughter, though not all as she is not from another country and is of the same race as we are.  I've found that the snappy combacks don't make anyone feel better, but educating them does.

For questions about "real" parents I respond that she has two sets - her birth parents and her adoptive parents.  We are both equally "real".  For the one about how much she cost I simply say, "We didn't buy her, we adopted her."  When people have asked if she knows she's adopted I say, "Of course.  There's no reason why she shouldn't know."  For all the others I would simply say that I know they probably don't mean to be offensive, but those questions really are rude and/or hurtful to the children.

I've also watched my daughter's reactions as I've answered these comments in this way.   I think it's helped her feel happier and more secure with the way our family is because we're so matter of fact about it rather than defensive.  She now answers some of those questions herself -- the same way she's heard us do.

Answer 4

People ask me these types of questions, and lots more - we have several different races of children in our family.  Most of the time they ask me if I'm babysitting, or running a daycare.  I just smile and say "nope - they're all mine"!  If they press, I just say "they look a lot like their father" - leading them to think I have multiple fathers for my children (which I do!!!).  It's really funny when my husband is with us - they look at him like "poor fool - I wonder if you know how many times your wife has cheated on you!".  

The worst thing they say is "how good of you to adopt these children" - if they figure it out.  I say "they've given us more than we could ever give them".  (They are the ones who have been through h**l - we are the ones who get to smile and laugh with them every day.  We are the lucky ones - NOT them.)

Lots of times someone will speak Spanish to them, but they don't know the language and just look at me like "why are they speaking to me in something other than English?"  I just tell the person that they won't be taking Spanish classes until 7th or 8th grade.

We prefer to educate rather than put someone down.  However, when other adoptive parents get together, we DO try to come up with some funny comebacks - even though we'd probably never have the guts to really say those things.   No one but another foster or adoptive parent "gets it" - sometimes we have a very STRANGE sense of humor - it's what gets us through some tough days!!!

It sure is FUNNY to think about all those comebacks, though- thanks, you've brought another smile to my day!

Answer 5

I'm adopted and as i got older people would ask me stupid questions. So here goes my reply's.

Q) How much did they cost?

A.) Well, they were on sale, Buy one get one free. ( i used this to respond to someone when they aske me how much i cost! I told them i was at a discount price!! lol)

Q) Are they REAL brothers and sister, you know what I mean?

A) I have no clue what you are saying? Do you speak English?

Q) Why didn't their REAL parents want them?

A) Again, I don't understand gibberish!

Q) Are their REAL parents dead?

A) I'm sorry are you brain dead?

Q) Why didn't you adopt white babies?

A) Their not white!(say this with a little gasp and your hand to your heart) I knew there was something different, i just couldn't put my finger on it!!!

Q) The Asian babies are really cheap, aren't they?

A) Look at them like they are the stupidest person in the world and walk away.

Q)Do you have to feed them a lot of rice?

A) That's not what the directions say. Or look at them like they are dumb and walk away.

Q) Do they know they're adopted?

A) Look at them in disgust and walk away.

Q) What do you know about their REAL parents?

A) Say "hold on a minute I'll ask them for you."- and then go in to open dialouge with yourself!! Asking yourself questions and answering them in different voices!!

I have gotten plently of stares growing up because my parents are white. I have had the dumbest questions asked! It gets to the point sometimes when you just have to get up and walk away or pretend you don't hear them.

Answer 6

answer, 'what, are you writing a book?' to any of the above

Answer 7

How much did they cost?  

More than a loaf of bread.

Are they REAL brothers and sister, you know what I mean?

All except this one (patting the air at about your 3 yo head hight) she's imaginary.

Why didn't their REAL parents want them?

Are their real parents dead?

Do I look imaginary to you?

Why didn't you adopt white babies?

The Asian babies are really cheap, aren't they?

Wow! you really are a bigot, aren't you?!

Do you have to feed them a lot of rice?  

We have to feed them a lot of EVERYTHING... they're growing like weeds!

Do they know they're adopted?

How do you know my husband's not Asian?

What do you know about their REAL parents?

That we love our kids very much.  Do you know just how rude you are?

Answer 8

adopting is good but giving up your child is ridiculous how could you Carrie something so precious and then let it go!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 9

Simply tell them it is none of their business.

Answer 10

i so feel for you!  my daughter is hispanic and we're as white as you get.  but people often think she's asian.  because that's the popular trend i guess.  personally i wanted a human baby and that's what i got, so i'm pretty darn happy.  although she's a toddler now and some days i wonder about the human part, lol.  i am usually very quick with comebacks, so hopefully i can help.  but also be mindful some of these might not work with your older children some things i've responded with don't really work that great when the child can understand what you're saying.  i'll try to give you options, lol.

How much did they cost?  more than you'll ever be worth...

and love is priceless.  but your mother should have spent some money on manners for you i can see....

Are they REAL brothers and sister, you know what I mean? no i don't understand, why don't you explain yourself and look even more ignorant.

Why didn't their REAL parents want them?     why would your parents want you?  or as they get older i prefer to say, We love and want them very much, thank you.  (you are their REAL parent, unless you're an imaginary person with great computer skills)

Are their real parents dead?   Last i checked i was still breathing.  and if they say you know what i mean refer back to my answer for that question. it can be added onto most of these.

Why didn't you adopt white babies?  cause i think they're ugly, look at you.  or if the child is older just simply say well because this is MY child and just happens that they are not white.

The Asian babies are really cheap, aren't they?  ok honestly you can simply walk away, no response, just walk away.  or legally i think you can smack them with a stick.

Do you have to feed them a lot of rice?  either walk away and don't say anything, or the smacking with a stick would really be justified here.

Do they know they're adopted?  What?  they're not adopted, and be quiet my husband hasn't noticed the skin difference yet.   or for older children. mostly they know we love them and that we're their REAL parents.  and that being adopted is part of their history.  much like your lack of ability to manage birth control is how your kids got here.  do your kids know you can't remember to take a pill?

What do you know about their REAL parents?   this is my personal favorite.  i will start as close to my conception and keep going day by day of what i remember of my entire life until they go away.  if they don't start with as much as you possibly know about you husbands childhood and history.  they wanted to know what you knew about their REAL parents.  so tell them.  :)

and i'm sure you've forgotten my personal favorite~  is she your's?  to which i used to say before she understood, well yeah i've got papers and everything on her.  we're waiting for her registration though.  do you think we should breed her?

or since our daughter was adopted and it's an open adoption~  do you talk to her mother?  to which i respond, not too much my Dr. has advised me to stop talking to myself so much, especially in public.  

hope those help.  if it's a complete stranger and the kids are around simply walking away from rude comments if you can is the best response.  this will teach the children that ignorance is best ignored.

good luck to you and your very REAL family!