1. A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
2. A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it his truck gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car, walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?"
The truck driver replied, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."
3. It was mealtime during a flight on Hooters Airline. "Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked John, seated in front.
"What are my choices?" John asked.
"Yes or no," she replied.
4. A crowded United Airlines flight was canceled. A single agent was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the counter. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS."
The agent replied, I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks who are ahead of you in line first. I'm sure we'll be able to work something out."
The passenger was unimpressed. He responded loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"
Without missing a beat, the agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone. "May I have your attention please," she began, her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at Gate 14 who does not know who he is. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Gate 14."
With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United agent, gritted his teeth and said, "F*** you!"
Without so much as a flinch, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to get in line for that, too."
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