So, I'm staying with my mum's ex-boyfriend and he notices the bruises on my arms?

Question

My mum's gone on holiday to Switzerland with her boyfriend and my brothers have gone to their dad's so I'm staying with her ex boyfriend for the week as she doesn't trust me home alone.

The problem is that I can't stop self-harming. I beat my arms up with a baseball bat, which left huge purple bruises all over my arms. I know I need to stop, but for the minute it's the only thing stopping me doing something even more stupid.

Anyway, here's the problem: Mum's ex saw the bruises on my arms (I forgot to keep them covered) and he asked what happened. Stupidly, I said ''They were there when I woke up, I think I fell out of bed''. He was really confused by this and insisted I see a doctor. I refused. We argued about this for a bit, with me saying it was nothing... and then suddenly he said ''You've been self-harming or something''. I looked at him, said ''No...'' really quietly and then ran upstairs.

I think he might tell my mum. Should I confess and ask him not to say anything? Or would that put him in a difficult position? Should I make up an excuse?

Thanks for reading, I really need some advice. x

Answer 1

well firstly stop self harming. and secondly, go down and confess but tell him not to tell your mother as it would upset her, but promise to stop from now....you do it once more-he can tell. good luck this will also help you hun x

Answer 2

hello. *hug*

1. get the number of a teen/suicide hot line in your area that operates 24h and keep in with you always. that's cos you think your self-harming is stopping you from doing 'something more stupid'... so please be ready to get help really quickly if you ever really feel like hurting yourself more seriously or even killing yourself. another place to go is http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/

2. you've got to talk to someone. it's too painful to handle all these feelings alone, and it's not often that things just magically get better as you get older. school counselor maybe? or maybe this guy you're staying with since your mum obviously trusts him enough to leave you with him while you're away. the other good thing is that he guessed what you were doing, which means he's at least heard of the term and is aware of the danger involved. so you could confess and then at least you'd have someone to talk to... promising you'll get help may be a good way of making it easier for him not to tell your mum.

3. there are all sorts of substitutes for self harming, they don't all work for everyone but some of them help a little. things like drawing on your arms in the places you'd normally put bruises, going for a run, getting a punching bag, holding ice in your hand till it hurts. try http://www.selfharm.org.uk/default.aspa

lots of luck.

Answer 3

You must tell someone and they can help stop you can't keep secrets your mom will understand your not going to be in trouble for feeling the way you do, please tell someone and they can help you stop. Good luck X

Answer 4

first of all you should stop ; i think your kinda emo

its bad for your health

next just tell the truth

Answer 5

i do it too. i think maybe you should tell all of them? get a lot of information on it and print it out, arm yourself with the facts about how it's not a failed suicide and how it releases endorphins and how so many people do it. if u want you can say they can chat to me

[e-mail]

just make sure you have a whole lot info printed out so they can see, don't just tell them, print it. it makes parents more at ease to know that it's a well known thing and that it is actually HELPING us by allowing us some way to escape. also, i think they would be very proud of you for telling them and sharing it with them rather than trying to hide it (point this out)

the more info you arm yourself with, the better so they won't think it's some kind of crazy mental ****. also, if they're the kind of ppl who you'll say, look, this is what i do and they'll blow up and walk away without you being able to explain first, sit them down and say look, i have something important to tell you and i need you to all stay here 'til i'm finished and don't interrupt me until i've said what i want to say. maybe even lock the door of the room ur in so they can't get out? :)

good luck i know how hard it is when someone finds out, it was h**l when my parents knew. i'm your age too and have been doing it for more than two years, so you can tell them that u know someone like that and tell them that without it, i would've been dead long ago, i would've killed myself without it. i really hope it all goes well!

*strongs* x*x

Answer 6

Listen sweetheart I know you are going through an awful time at the moment having all these negative emotions and feelings -what a dark place it must be to want to do such things.  I have suffered depression so I can emphasise with you.  I recommend taking ST.JOHNS WORT which helps with depression and therefore can also help with the self harming (it can take up to six weeks before fully in system and working as best as it can but saying that you can also notice a difference after 1wk!). In Germany they prescribe St. Johns Wort 10 times more than they do anti-depressants such as Prozac.  They have done lots of research into the herbal meds and realise how good they are. Take it everyday but be aware that if you are on the pill it can make it less effective as a contraceptive so use condoms aswell if you are having s*x.

St. Johns Wort can be purchased from a health/herbal store, there are also flower remedies that deal with these dark emotions you are having and these are also very effective but work specifically on your emotional health. Go to link below to get an idea of which one does what, you can take up to seven of them at onetime.

http://www.bachshop.co.uk/catalog/index....

After years of experience I would choose these herbal more natural options over the prescribed meds from a doctor as they can be a cure with less side effects and not addictive (but that is my opinion from my experiences and I do still agree that modern meds do have their place and some are very good).

Tell your Mums ex - a problem shared is a problem halfed and hopefully he will go the Dr.s with you and ask to be referred for counciling.  Tell your Mum too or get him to tell her, I think you may be suprised at her response and the amount of support she can give to you.  You really don't have to suffer with this all by yourself.

I also strongly recommend you buy and read the book 'HEAL YOUR LIFE' by LOUISE HAY or you can get it for nothing from local library's or very cheap secondhand from amazon.  This book has saved my life at times.

You are not the only one suffering at this time on Earth, unfortunately it is a difficult time that we are living in but hopefully soon around 2012 maybe, we will have made it a nicer place to live where love, sharing and caring for each other is widespread and more important than material gains, money, fear and pillaging Mother Earth for everything shes got to offer (which will soon I'm hoping be things of the past).

I will pray for you and I suggest you pray to.  The Holy Creator is always there for you, you have only to ask for help or if you prefer ask the angels for help. Your guardian angel wants to help but they have to be asked before they can in most cases  You can also go to your local spiritualist church for some healing which will help to transmute the negativity you are wrapped in which is dragging you down.  This is usually given freely with the request of a small donation if you can afford it.

Stay strong, you won't always feel this bad, you will get through it and feel happy again and love yourself again.  Sometimes some of the greatest learnings come from the hardest times.

Answer 7

whats really your problem  are u into drugs or something, i mean do you harm yourself to look for attention, or for what, why do our children do such things to make us feel guilty, if you really feel concerned about your mum so much you shouldnt have indulge in such nonsense from the beginning, now how do you think her ex should keep such thing from her, it will not be fair for your mum not to hear what you did, you better go and see the doctor and seek for real help from a professinal before you kill yourself.concelling will  not help you, you bettter confide in your mum when she is back and stop this nonsense.

Answer 8

I have a female friend going through a very similar thing as you.

I'm not going to tell you to stop self-harming because, as you said, you'd just do something more dangerous. However, you do need to speak with your mum, or a doctor, about it.

I presume it's a form of depression (whether you know it or not) that you're going through, and this can be treated - don't leave it to fix itself.

This is very common, so don't be embarrased to tackle it.

I wish you luck.

Answer 9

Find something better to do.

EMO!

Answer 10

I understand where your coming from, my friend has OCD and goes through very depressing stages, like at school she will suddenly go quiet and if you annoy her she gets really upset and angry.

Honestly hun, selfharming may seem the right thing to do and it might make you feel less depressed but in the long-term you could really damage something and it will be there permanently for the rest of your life. Try to stop the self-harming and maybe seek some advice for your condition which might suggest better ways of getting rid of the depression.

Also, if he's seen these marks, tell him that its none of his business whats happening in your life and that you will tell your mum when you are ready too and no-one else should feel they need to take control of your harming.

I hope you sort yourself out and feel a whole lot better.

Best of luck Babe.

Chloe x

Answer 11

you need to tell some1 what is goin on!!... NOW!!

i cant believe that no1 has noticed this before, how long have u been self harming??

http://www.thesite.org/healthandwellbein...

please check out the site above, it deals with this, you should realli talk to some1 about this and figure out what the problem is, it also seems strange to me that u have asked advice on what to lie about rather that about asking for help, u have a serious illness and need help. please talk to some1..

Good luck x

Answer 12

first of all i think you should tell your mom cause if he has to tell her...it's just gonna cause more trouble than there already is! hope that helps :D

Answer 13

it might be for the best that he has noticed and does tell your mum....you would never be able to get over something like this alone, you need the help and support of all your family. your mum will help you, she might be upset / angry to start with, but thats more at herself for not noticing.

Answer 14

Now that someone's seen the bruises and put two and two together you've got an opportunity to do something about your problems before it escalates (and this is not unusual). However painful it might be to discuss, it sounds like this guy actually cares about you. Something tells me you wanted other people to know and it's the first step to getting better. He will tell your mum - purely out of concern for you well being and so he should. Be strong, open up & you might find sharing isn't quite as scary as you thought.  

Answer 15

Let him take you to the doctor, they may be able to help you.

Answer 16

If the topic arises again, I would confess. If he does tell your mum, its only because he cares about your welfare. If you ask him not to, he might insist you let him help you (eg. he could take you to see a councellor or something) without letting your mum know, though he still might tell her but ask her not to say anything as he is helping you deal with it.

I think you need help, and now is the right time.

Why do you beat yourself?

Think about it and find the root causes. Then, try and make changes to help you deal with it, or if its because of something which happened in the past I think seeing a councellor would be very helpful.

Like you said, it is the only thing keeping you from doing something even more stupid. You know deep down you need help because you dont WANT to do anything stupid.

Good luck, I am sure the people around you will support yourself 100% and not judge you. They love you, and care about you, and will want to do all they can too help. :)

Answer 17

If you trust him, talk with him. If you don't want him to tell your mom, explain why and discuss it with him. But, listen to what he has to say. You need someone to help you, and the fact that you're self harming shows your judgment isn't in top form right now. I think you ought to trust this guy unless you have other reasons not to. Good luck.  

Answer 18

hmmm

well he's probly figured it out anyway. . .and will probly tell your mother

and you need to tell someone

but it will put him in a difficult position, but if u trust him tho, you should just explain your situation to him, even tho he won't understand fully

Answer 19

Self harming doesn't make you emo.It just makes you a self harmer.I think that you should let your mom's ex boyfriend tell your mom or you can tell her.I say this because,your mom needs to know about this.There's no point in lying about it considering they are going to find out anyway.I know that it is hard to stop self harming.I use to cut.I still have other self injuries such as trichotillimania and dermotillomania.To beat your arm up with a baseball bat is pretty harsh and serious.That is very dangerous.I think that you should just go ahead and let your mom's ex boyfriend tell her because he will be put in a difficult position if he has to keep it from her.It's your choice.Pray to GOD about this.GOD can solve anything.Do you have a reason for mutilating yourself?Do you get along with your mom or not?It seems that there is a reason of why you do it.You are self injuring pretty severely.I encourage that you stop considering it causes a lot of worries.You worry about the scars and wounds getting infected.You worry about if other people will find out.You worry about getting sent to an institution.You worry about where it will lead.And you worry about covering up the scars and wounds.This is the after math.It seems that you don't have any hobbies.Pray about this.Try expressing your feelings in art because it's constructive and it still let's you express your feelings.Listen to constructive music too.I suggest Switchfoot or Jon Foreman.You could start watching more constructive television shows also like the inspirational channel or something similar.Get involved in some church activities or sports or community services.All of those are good ways to spend your time besides hurting yourself.I hope I helped you.GOD BLESS you!

Answer 20

fess up girl before it too l8

Answer 21

Just tell him you fell over or bangd ureself on a wall, depending on how many you have.

Then say well bruises dnt show till the next day do they?

Say you hadnt even noticed till the next day coz they hadnt *** up.

I wouldnt confess to him, but if i were you i would get some help. Book yourself in for a doctors apointment.

Thats what i did, it makes you feel soooo much better. Your doc will probs set you up with sum councling.

Then when you feel ready tell your mum if you want to but reeli its up to you.

I never told my parents i self harmed but i did tell them id gne to the docs about depression.

Answer 22

i think whatever happens, he's going to have to tell your mum.  If he doesn't tell her then he's not doing you any favours.  Talk to him about it if you feel comfortable, if not then just leave it and talk to your mum when she returns.  You'll need to get special counselling to try and deal with this problem, but it will be better if your mum knows I think.