So, if people speak about adoption reforms, it means they hate adoption?

Question

Okay,

I'm tired. it seems as though if people say hey wait a minute, there are changes that need to happen. it means they hate adoption. i do think reforms are needed, to many adoptive parents get taken advantage of by adoption agencies, and the same goes for first parents. there are things that some adoptees experince that need more understanding. But it seems if anyone speaks up about this, they hate adoption. on top of that they compare adoption with abortion. Why is that?

****i do respect people's opinion, if i don't like it i just ignore it****

Answer 1

No, I think people can speak to adoption reform and not necessarily hate adoption.  I've learned a lot about these issues since coming to this site.  Especially the open records issue, which is something I knew very little about beforehand.

But on the other side of the coin, there are posters here who -DO- hate adoption and make no bones about it.  

I agree, everyone has the right to their own opinions.

Answer 2

In the past few days, it seems that speaking about reform means that a person hates his/her adoptive family, is absolutely miserable in his/her personal life and hates every person who has ever adopted or will ever adopt.

This is pretty cyclical, it seems.  It's also erroneously presumptive.  People seems to forget that this isn't all black and white.  I absolutely see the need for plenty of reform.  I do not hate my adoptive family by any means.  I loved my mother dearly.  She's passed away and I miss her greatly.  I have several *gasp* AP's who are good friends -- both online and in "real" life!  I also have a fulfilling and enjoyable life and relationship with a great husband.   So, what gives?

It is not only possible, but it is also very likely, that the average person is generally satisfied with life, but still has a few areas in which he or she feels dissatisfied and would like to see change.  Somehow, around here lately, when that area is adoption reform, there are folks who want to throw out the baby with the bathwater.  You're unhappy with the laws/practices/affects of adoption?  Well, then you're completely unhappy with life as a whole.  That's crazy!  That's like saying that if you dislike your job, you must also hate your family, have no friends and sit in misery every waking moment of life.  

There have been some difficulties with seeing things in perspective and realistically here in the last few days.  Hopefully, things will calm down.

Answer 3

I think it means that they have an opinion.  Some may hate adoption, but I suspect that is not the majority.  Others feel that they have "the magic bullet" that will fix the whole process if it is accepted (usually they don't and it won't).  I don't have an issue with people voicing their opinion.  The thing that I do have an issue with is when people say that the entire system is flawed, rather than admitting that the issues are not evident in every case.

Answer 4

I think that most feel there is a need for changes within the system. The problem is with those that can't accept that there are many that are happy with their own adoptions. If they are happy they are told they are in denial. People need to realize that one can acknowledge that the system has problems but not all adoptees have them.

Answer 5

Its like any situation with humans.

Those that are benefiting from a situation the most will fight and resist the truth in order to continue to reap the benefits.

They can't ignore it. They fear that they will lose it if more people stand up as well as have to face that they were wrong and will have to finally address their own personal issues without a quick fix.

Answer 6

I think it is out of pure ignorance. Some people think that everyone should feel the same way and if you don't you get attacked for being for or against a certain cause.

And, I am not speaking of anyone in particular...this is just the way I see it. I too feel that people need to be able to express their opinions without being attacked, whether you are a first parent, adoptee or adoptive parent.

The last few days it seems like the adoptees are the ones being attacked and told how "grateful" they should be...Next week it will be the AP's or PAP's, then it will be the First Mom's...It is a vicious circle here on Y/A Adoption!

I am also for Adoption reform (and foster care reform). this does not mean I am anti-adoption, it means I see where things can be (and should be) improved.

Answer 7

hello,

  what that makes me think is that this person cares enough to want to reform such a messed up system, not only is hard on the adoptee and first parents ...... it is fueled by greed and selfishness ! I do believe that the adoptee has it the worst followed closely by the first parents. the adoptive parents and the government are the ones who benefit from adoption ... with out people screaming for reform. the monster of adoption would spin wildly out of control , our government would then be able to tear down the family unit  to continue taking away our freedoms, I don't see how the adoption agencies are taking advantage of the adoptive parents ,it seems to me  that they are taking advantage of young parents instead of helping them get through their temporary problem the say let us fix it with a very permanent solution!!!!!!!! I don't know why people compare adoption to abortion . they are totally different a fetus is just a parasite it needs a host to thrive it's not a person until it can sustain life outside the womb, that's my opinion and I m sure people on this board wont like what i have to say but there it is

Answer 8

Dear Healing,

I believe it is because you are winning the argument and making sense.  Instead of agreeing with your pov, they use the lame @$$ tactic of (abortion vs adoption) to throw everything off track.  Then they can continue to live in denial, without ever having to affirm that your pov and "punish" you for winning the debate.

Answer 9

I do not hate adoption - in fact, I've several family members who have come to the family through adoption. I do think the system needs reforming, but I also think it had vastly improved from what it used to be.

I think it's compared to abortion because a lot of people act as if adoption is the "easy answer" when trying to convince women to not abort.