So.. Coming Out To My Homophobic Dad?

Question

Ok so i know you see a million questions about this on here but anyways, heres one more :)

So my dad is extremely homophobic, say that two guys or girls kiss on TV and he will switch it over and make ridiculous comments about it. He even said that "people that were g*y should have the **** beaten out of them by their parents, till some sense enters their brain."

And I actually hate him for how narrow minded he is about it.

He is very very old fashioned.

So about 2 years ago i realized that i was bisexual, and I have kept it a secret for 2 years because of him. To be honest I am petrified of him.

I know he will never change his mind on this, and he is likely to 'disown' me if I told him.

So have you got any advice? What should i do?

I dont think I can live with this secret anymore. As strange as it sounds I feel like I am somehow betraying him.

Answer 1

Well, lets just look at it from a different point of view.

maybe he is just really awkwrd about that stuff.

Like when you were watching tv and he flipped the channel and commented about it, maybe he was embarassed that you saw it. If he knew you were bisexual, I'm sure he would not make those comments to your face.

Just an optimistic view.

Answer 2

I wouldn't do it till you're out of the house if you aren't already

Answer 3

just like he said parents should beat them......hes going beat u

Answer 4

I never thought I would say this but since you are bi-sexual, I will.

Don't tell him.  Personally, I don't believe that your s*x life is something that needs to be discussed with a parent.  

Of course you feel like you are betraying him!  You know he totally disapproves of that lifestyle.  But that's his burden to carry.  Not yours.

Look at it this way:  If you don't tell him, he will not know and he'll be as happy as he is today.

If you do tell him, he is going to hate you, hate himself,  possibly never want to see you again and in addition, be miserable for the rest of his life.

Which is better?  Which can you live with?  Tell him?  Don't tell him?

If you said you were completely g*y, I would urge you to tell him.  But since you are seeing both sexes I wouldn't go there.  If you eventually settled down with someone of the opposite s*x, you will have told him for nothing.

  

Answer 5

i know this isnt really helping but i just wouldnt tell him if i were u. just tell ur mom if you think she wont care

Answer 6

No you are betraying him, he has betrayed you. Our parents are suppose to Love us Unconditionally, no matter what. If you are still living under his roof keep you mouth shut until you can financially support your self. Once you are old enough to pay your way, you can be anybody that you want to be. Until then just go with the flow and introduce your love as a "friend"

Answer 7

hmmm... if you're out of the house it's really good.

does your mom know about this? coz she could help him to accept it

Answer 8

If you must break it to him, do it slowly.  If he says something about it, tell him you don't understand why he would say such a thing.  Say you know alot of g*y people and that they are regular human beings.  Then listen to what he says and try to respond firmly but not confrontationally.  Then let it sink in.  Sometimes people have to think about things awhile. Keep making comments when you feel hurt by what he has says. Then let it sink in.  Ultimately, he will slowly get the idea that maybe you are taking the side of g*y people for a reason. He may have to get used to the idea slowly.  Maybe it will take awhile.  

Answer 9

Is there any way that you could be you and not tell him? From what you have said he sounds like he would react terribly to you coming out...so don't tell him. I haven't - kept it secret for 4 years now :p

However, if you feel you need to tell him perhaps you could try telling a few other members of your family first, as they will know our dad as good as you, and see what their opinion is and what they think your dad will think.

Good luck!

Answer 10

It's not strange to feel like that. Although it's not true. No matter what, you will always be the same person. Your dad will probably freak out on you and will act like he'll never forgive you, but that's something he'll get over in time. Live in your truth. If you hide a very large piece of who you are, you aren't living your truth. Good luck.