So I am a jerk because of this? Why?

Question

I was sick all of last week. I didn't go to work. A female co-worker's birthday was on Wednesday. I was able to go, but was afraid of getting everyone sick. So I wished her happy bday, and pitched in on a present. By Monday I had felt better, and decided to have dinner with another female worker.

Today I saw the bday girl, I've always had a hunch she had a crush on me, but wasn't sure. Anyways, it turns out that on her bday, she also announced that she'll be moving to another country in two weeks. She was sick, and made a joke about how I gave it to her. I smiled and said that's why I didn't want to come to your party. She stopped smiling and said "oh, you were too sick to come to my birthday, but not too sick yesterday to be with...then she cut herself off, and excused herself

I am not sure if what I did was a jerk move, I really was sick, but now I feel quite bad. I suppose I could take her to dinner, but it might be wierd as I've never had dinner with just her before. What's a good apology? Why was this a jerk move by me? Surely she didn't want me over if I was sick did she?

Answer 1

I don't see what you did wrong.. Nothing.. She is moving away I would not have dinner with her. Why should you? She behaved like an immature child. I would just not go out with her. Maybe she had a crush on you and was jealous but if you were ill you could not attend and what you said was just that..she made a poor joke that you made her ill...You should behave like a colleague to her and not get involved with her now.. she is as good as gone forever. Just say goodbye to her when she finally leaves and wish her the best like the rest of the company.. one should not get involved really with people one works with.in the same department.. one can do so if both work in a different department for the same company. other than that business and pleasure should be separated.. I would not look for an excuse.. if you have lunch with her at work that's ok but I would say ''I am busy''' after work hours.. you can buy her lunch in the cafeteria at work..

Answer 2

I don't see a need to apologize. Most rational people would realize that most illnesses will have resolved in the five days between Wednesday and Monday.  

Answer 3

You did nothing wrong. There is a 4 day difference between Wednesday and Monday. I think she was just upset that you missed her b'day. She definitely over reacted and obviously has some sort of feelings for you. I don't see why taking her to dinner would be weird. Just tell her that you would like to make up for missing her b'day and combo goodbye since she's moving away. Keep it light and airy and take her to a place that isn't romantic so she does not get the wrong idea.

Answer 4

Yes, this girl had feelings for you and apparently thought you blew her off.  Chalk up the rude comment to stress about the upcoming move and feeling sick.  You are under no obligation to take her to dinner.  Just check in on her to see if she's feeling better.

Answer 5

No, you didn't do anything wrong. Just ask her what's up.

Answer 6

yeah you need to bang her. she is moving out of the country anyway so hit that **** boy.

Answer 7

She's moving away, just wish her Bon Voyage, you don't owe her any explanations. You were sick, she could have gotten her illness from anyone and you weren't even there to give it to her so don't worry about it.

Answer 8

Yeah she was just a little jealous because you were with another girl, rather you like this other girl or not to a girl, a girl is a girl lol! If you feel the need to clear your concious just tell her that you didn't realize you had done anything to make her feel bad and that you never did it intentionally and that you would like to do something with her before she leaves...even if it is weird she will be moving soon so at least she'll have that to take with her

Answer 9

The comment you made saying "that's why I didn't go to the party" was obviously a joke, it probably drew a couple laughs from the crowd even.  But she likes you and really wanted you to be there, what you said, although innosent and with good intention, cut into her.  Since she has feelings for you she probably thought about why you didn't come and when she found out you went out with another co-worker, it mad her really mad.  She was just emotional and blew up, she regrets it.  

However, I wouldn't feel obligated to go to lunch and certainly now after that it would surely be uncomfortable.  

If I were you I would have tried to smooth it over that same day and talk about it.  It's still important to "clear the air" though, since you feel bad about it.  I would go to her, talk to her one on one and basically say what's on your heart and mind.  If it was me I would say "hey, sorry about that comment the other day, I didn't intend for it to hurt your feelings, I was really sick Wednesday and couldn't go to your party, but I wanted to".  If she's still mean about it, you've done all you should, she's the one that blew up and embarressed herself and you.  She is the one that is more wrong in my opinion and she owes you an appoligy too... If she also appoligizes and you feel comfortable then ask her to have lunch, but by no means should you feel obligated to do so....

Answer 10

You didn't do anything wrong if you were really sick.  I think she's probably a bit jealous that you went out with somebody else.