So Sad about my daughter starting kindergarten.?

Question

My oldest child, my daughter will start kindergarten in three weeks. I have been depressed about this since before Memorial Day. I can't seem to shake it. Let me give you some details: I have three children, ages 5 1/2, 4, and 19 months. I am a former school teacher, now a stay at home mom. I CANNOT shake the feelings of depression about my kids growing up. I know, its selfish of me, AND I am so GRATEFUL to have them. But I just wish I could turn back the hands of time. Also, I would love to have one more baby, (I turn 40 in September), but my husband had a vasectomy last year. I keep hoping one of those little suckers will find a hidden passage in!! Anyone else been through this? Any advice, or words of encouragement would be helpful. Thanks!

Answer 1

Just to echo what many have mentioned; you will be so proud of her and see how much school really does for her and how much she loves it and you will be able to set aside your sadness to revel in her joy.

However, just a word of caution; this could be more about you not being ready to be done with this phase of your life and looking for some sort of validation by having young kids.  The issues may be deeper than just having a kindergartner.  You may have to deal with some personal issues that are being triggered by your oldest going to school.

Answer 2

Everyone has given you great answers. Like the first poster said, think of this as the start of her independent life. It will be exciting and rewarding to see your dd grow up into a strong, secure individual. And you can be proud to have helped her along her way! Also, I understand your sorrow about "the baby days" being gone soon with your hubby getting the V. Parenthood is a two way street. Your hubby is done and you're not. One of you has to turn around and follow the other.  Most of the time, it's the one who wants more that doesn't get them. I was lucky; my hubby reversed and we have a VR babe. (I'm 40 and we only practice NFP from now on, so we might have more.) But you both have to be going in the same direction. But as far as the school thing goes, I'm sure your in for a ton of exciting firsts with that dd and it's going to be great!

Answer 3

You have your hands full with your babies at home.  Start trying to look at the positives that going to Kindergarten will have for your daughter and the rest of your family.  

1. the second and third child will get more of your undivided attention.

2. you can get invovled in what she likes by taking her to pick out her supplies together.

3. she will get socialized and make friends.

4. you will have a lot more to talk to her about when she gets home and has a day to share with you.

5. you still get to go to the school to volunteer, eat lunch with her, and go on field trips!

6. she can show your four year old what school is like by playing teacher, and you can join in.

Everything has a silver lining.  You don't want a baby, you just are having a hard time letting go.  If you are having crying jags and fell truly depressed, go to talk therapy or see your doctor.

I teach Kindergarten and I have a child about to start Kindergarten.  Not in my school.  I know that it is hard, but just think.  There is so much more to having children than them being babies.  You have loved every stage so far and probably thought it was the best age ever.  Keep holding on to that and enjoy the moments that they let you baby them.

Best of luck to you and your daughter as she enters a new and exciting chapter!

Answer 4

It is really hard to watch your kids grow up right before your eyes...I have a 12 yr old daughter, 9 yr old son and a 4 yr old daughter.  I was sad when my oldest went to kindergarten-that is totally normal for first time moms.  I was sad when my son went to kindergarten and I am sure next year I will be sad when my baby goes to school.  It is part of life and something that you must face...just be happy for your child so that she is excited about school.  Once you get into the routine of the school year and you see how much fun your daughter is having each day you will feel better.  I still get sad when the summer is over and my kids go off to school, but as each day passes it gets easier.  Keep yourself busy with your other 2 children because b/f you know it all three of them will be in school.  I was lucky when my 2 oldest were in elementary school together...their school had a YMCA inside and so I could excercise and swim while they were at school.  I would also suggest you find a way to volunteer in her classroom as much as possible...maybe there is another parent that you could share babysitting with and take turns helping out at your child's school.  I stay VERY active in my children's education and as a former teacher you would be a perfect addition to the classroom.  Maybe you could even volunteer to be the room mom :)  Best wishes and try and stop stressing over the first day of school and just enjoy the rest of summer!

Answer 5

Think of it as the beginning of her world. She will make new friends, discover new things, learn how to live/interact with others. She will learn to be strong, confident and independent. It will be wonderful for her especially knowing how much you love and support her.

Answer 6

You need to learn to take interest and pride in their growth and development rather than dwelling on how they made you feel when they were younger.  They may be getting older, but they will always need their mother's love and support.  Be there for them NOW and let go of the past.  Look forward to the individuals that they will become.

My wife's mother still likes to think of her daughters as children and I will tell you, it has permanently damaged their relationship.

I would suggest you see a therapist to talk this through if you really can't let go.

Answer 7

My oldest is turning 6 in a few days and will start kindergarten on August 27th.  I keep crying about it lol.  My mom says that it is natural and she did the same thing with me.  I will still have my other son who is 3 1/2 at home plus i am due with another son in Oct but he is my 1st born after years of TTC and will always be my baby I guess lol.

Answer 8

aawww thats so cute i can tell you love ur children very much

well if its any consolation whether ur sad about kinder garden or not im sure ur kids are gonna grow up happy and healthy

i think ull make a gr8 mom

XD

good luck

Answer 9

Hi, I feel your pain.  My oldest is leaving for college in 3 weeks!  I will miss her dearly, but I know that this is what is best for her.  As an at home mom, I truly love having my kids around me.  Letting go of our kids is one of the hardest things to do, but it's our way of showing them that they are independent and can do things on their own.  It comes in stages and slowly we allow them to travel a little farther away.  In the end, we want them to be happy and secure people that can handle anything that comes their way.  She will come home everyday with the best stories and you will be waiting to hear everything she did.  Enjoy every moment because it goes by so quickly.  I am sure you will do fine, you sound like a great mom.  Good luck!

Answer 10

Perhaps you are depressed at the thought of your child going to school because, as a former teacher, you know what schools can do to children.  http://www.newciv.org/whole/schoolteache...

Who says your child has to go to school?  Homeschoo her.

http://www.homefires.com/

Answer 11

Awww I feel the same way. My only child is starting Kindergarten this fall and I'm SO sad & scared! I feel like the past 5 years have gone by so fast and I never got the chance to sit back, relax and enjoy it, you know? I don't plan to have more so this is it for me. I even started thinking today that maybe he isn't ready and I should wait until he's 6 to send him lol. With that being said though- I'm excited for him to go to school and make friends. I'm sure they'll have lots of fun and it will be harder on us than it is on them. Anyway, I just wanted to say I can relate. Maybe you could look into adopting another child- there are plenty of kids who desperately need good homes. Good luck to you and your little ones! =]

Answer 12

I am going through the same thing. I have one daughter and she is my world. I have a different problem.I am nervous to let her go all day with perfect strangers.I do not trust half the people I know even.I've just been wronged so many times. I feel so terribly sad that I have to risk it- so she can have the benefits of hanging out with other kids her age.she is very adult like, and is my only constant best friend.I know how you feel though.It is really hard to grasp- life is just a school..

a school where you have only one mission. to learn as much as possible.Things change so that we can learn to let go.I think it is crazy, but it all ties back into this situation.good luck.I will need it too.