So depressed...............

Question

Ive suffered from social anxiety and depression from as long as i can remember, im 24 now and have managed to go to college for 4 months (dropped out) because i couldnt cope with the social side, then worked for 6 months when i was 18 and had to leave because once again i couldnt handle the social side of it, and thats as far as ive got in life

Ive recently been in hospital for an op and since i got back last night ive been so depressed i dont know why, i thought id be glad to be home but in hospital theres no worries, your being looked after, your in company and theres nothing to worry about

Ive lost my appetite and can see this is going to spiral out of control because i feel more in control, its like i want to suffer even more because ive lost a lot, might not seem a lot to some people but it is to me

Im not a social person so it was hard for me to socialise with the patients and nurses but i did it, and if i didnt feel like socialising i used to go to sleep or listen to some music, but knowing theres people around me that are genuine people made me feel safe

Ive met some really nice people and now ive lost all that

I was depressed in hospital but i was in company at least even if i didnt want to socialise, i felt safe and secure

Now im back home i have nothing, my mums always there for me but i just push her away, its the same with my family, i just dont want to be a part of it and i dont know why

I hate myself when i do see my family, and i hate myself for not seeing my family because i know it hurts them not to see me, so i cant win

I find it easier to isolate myself though

I kept a diary while i was in hospital, and its made me realise life isnt worth living, the way my mind works its all negative

Living is a mental battle and ive decided i dont want to face it anymore

I know theres a better place

It doesnt really matter what i do in life i never feel good enough, its never right, everything in life is wrong through my perception

I cant accept myself, my mind is evil, its always criticising

I reflect a lot on the past, and its hard to move on

I cherish the memories and live on them, instead of creating new ones as in the present

The first time i got discharged from hospital i was so emotional i nearly broke down when i had to say goodbye to some of the patients id met

It really hit my heart saying goodbye, i couldnt control my feelings

and when i got home i just cried and cried it was unreal

I think i isolate myself that much that when i do meet decent people and have to say goodbye, its so hard to accept that im never gonna see these people again

Many of time ive put myself in other peoples job positions (because i dont work), say for instance "a nurse"

I just couldnt keep up the good spirit and positive mentality that they do, they always seem high in spirits and mood, so that makes the patients feel more cheery

I put myself in that position and i know it would be a real mental battle to be at that level all the time, i really suffer with my mood and mentality i just couldnt do it

I know if i got a job my mood would really dip, id be even more depressed and why would any employee want that?

No money, no life, no love, no ambition, no purpose

I cut my friends and family off because i cant cope

I just want to escape everything, as sad as it seems id rather be back in hospital in bed high on morphine because it took everything away

and i felt secure

Answer 1

At least you have your mom and family.

Everybody feels down after hospital. I did after i was discharged. I had meningitus. What about getting professional help?

You do have something to live for. You are depressed but this is a cry for help. This is the first major hurdle, even if you have asked questions of this nature on Y/A before. Go to your GP and ask to be referred to a psychiatrist. Or find out if there is an counsellor in your area. Affordable counsellors in the phone lisitings they charge about 20 per hour and she/he will beable to tell you what to do next. They can see you quicker than GP.

You are intelligent, literate and have a lot of oppurtunities

add me to msn or yahoo messanger at

[e-mail]

i would love to chat with you. xx

Answer 2

Hi there,

You sound very low, and I know where you are coming from.  I suffer from exactly the same things as you do.  I hate myself and feel that I have nothing to offer the world.  I get very nervous about being around people and when I feel I can't cope I take to my bed for hours even days on end sometimes.  It is good if you can talk to someone about it, sometimes it is good to just get it all of your chest.

I have been so low sometimes that I have wished myself dead and considered suicide but no matter how low I feel, I can never see it through, as there is always hope that things are going to get better and plus I couldn't put my parents/family through the misery.

You are a special person and just sound lonely, try doing something that you enjoy and increase your confidence gradually.

I know what you are going through and if you ever want to talk, you know where I am.

Good luck and I hope things improve soon for you

Answer 3

Could you perhaps attend a group for depressed people? You will meet geniue people going through the same feelings or simular to yours, and one of the best things is you will get to see them again. They are usually held once a week.

You may feel like it but you are not the only one who suffers from social anxiety. Plently of people do. Unfortunately some worse than others. For example when I started uni everyone was scared to talk to each other for the first few weeks, really nervous and everyone on my course grew out from that and now get on great but I'm kinda still stuck on the first few weeks stage and have been left behind.

Maybe you are putting too much pressure on yourself in social situtations, feeling like you have to say something funny or entertaining or the peron you like who you are talking to will lose interest, therefore you will lose their contact. What helps is to bear in mind that you should be yourself, you definately dont sound like a bad person, just a worried one going through a S****y time.  Remember! If anyone gives you the feeling like you shouldnt be making light conversation with them or that you are not worth talking to then these are people you need out of your life, as they are not making you feel better.

Would it help if you spend some time with family or even a close friends away from the usual aspects of daily life. Go for a small trip perhaps, I always find holidays or even just days out somewhere new relax me more than being stuck in the house worrying.

You sound like you have no one to talk to. If there is no friend or relative you can talk to thats fair enough, you have to find they right person you can feel comfortable in front of. I know sometimes it may seem a taboo or whatever the word is but seeing a local consellor may help. I've had certain problems for about 8 years and have only just started seeing one, its great to finally tell someone and they really do care- thats why they do what they do. If the first one doestn work out you can alwyas ask to see another one, its your right as a patient. You need to be comfortable with whoever you talk to.

These sites tell you about the groups I was talking about-they are worth looking into if you want to find people who will understand and help you as well as become friends.

http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/depr...

http://www.depressionalternatives.co.uk/...

Please PLEASE whatever you do, do not hurt yourself, life is worth living, otherwise we wouldnt be here. Remember you have depression so feelings of 'its not worth it' are not feelings you would have if you were well.The aim therefore is to make yourself and let others help you get better.So many people try to hurt themselves but it fails but then their life turns around for the better and they are so relieved the worse didnt happen. Please dont let that happen. I care for you and I dont even know you, imagine how much your friends and family care for you.(thats alot)

Answer 4

Be Patience! I can not advice you more then that. I pray to GOD for you for your betterment in this world and hereafter.  

Answer 5

im sorry for you that you are this way. i really feel for you because i have been there. and it is the worst. i can suggest things, but it is hard trying things when you are stuck in depression and social phobia. perhaps try and open your mind and soul to ideas.. your family would want to know what is going on. they aren't perfect they arent going to be able to fix everything but they can help you get better, feel better. life is worth living. honestly, i could sink back to the hibernation, the crying endlessly, the not crying from being numb.. but we are here for a reason other than to be depressed and to hate life/ourselves. push yourself to go outside into the world.  go shopping. force yourself to eat. cook, bake, paint, write down everything you are feeling/going through, call a family member and let them know. they would be so grateful. don't give up. there is someone out there that you connect with. you may not find them for a while, because you need to get yourself through this time. and asking for help is a reallly good idea. force yourself to join a group or club or something social. at first you will be so anxious and it will be horrible, but agfter a while it gets better. not perfect. better. i know social phobia. it makes you isolate yourself. but it isnt keeping you safe. it is pushing your depression further. let me know if you want to talk more. good luck on your journey xo

Answer 6

Don't seek jesus, seek tried and tested therapy and medication.

Don't ever think that your life cannot change becasue it can. There are lots of people like you who seek help, gain confidence and lead fulfilling lives.

Go see your doctor, he will be very understanding.

Answer 7

I'm no pyschiatrist but I believe your problems lack with a sense of disconnection. You say you are critical of yourself yet you are not placing blame on society, cutting off your friends which you believe to be a righteous cause in your mind. I think your issue stem's from the thinking that you can not understand society as a whole.

Hence I believe you should take some action, control over your life. From this article, I can tell you are an intelligent, expressive person. First of all I would focus on being you. Don't copy others, don't put yourself down. Carry on with your own life noting down your particular habits about your life. Learn to be at peace with your being. See the world no through the eyes of your former self but through new eyes. Learn/continue with a musical instrument and watch your progression. Reconnect with your friends, informing them of anything you found particularly intresting about your day/week. Realise that your friends, and society appreciates you. If I didn't respect you I wouldn't have written this at all.

Answer 8

I also suffer from clincal depression but mine is kept under control with fluoxetine. So you're not alone! To be honest i'm not an expert so i cannot give you the advise that you are looking for. The only thing i can advise is to see your GP?

And i hope that you find some way to get out of your depression.

Answer 9

hi Nathan, sorry you're feeling so bad. so you feel there's nothing to live for , nothing that makes you happy and no reason to like yourself , plus, plus....it can get better if you want it to.

if you've tried everything and it's all so much rubbish and depression , wpold you be prepared to try something new? this has helped so many people , lots in your sort of situation, and it has turned their lives around and made them see themselves in a different light and given them a purpose for going on. however way out this seems would you be prepared to try it?

there is someone who can change everything for you, someone who can do all this and much more. as i tell you who this is, don't swear and write it off, just think about it for a moment... what have you got to lose, could trying be worse than what you have now/

the person who can change it all for you is Jesus.

just tell Him you need His help and ask Him to take charge of your life, after all, you said it felt good in the hospital when someone looked after you.

talk to Jesus. He is real and He will help. He cares about you like no one else can and He loves you. reallyx

Answer 10

Amazing... i finally found a person who's life is the same as mine.

I don't mix with people.

I'm always depressed and drown myself in my computer.

I don't have an ambition or purpose.

I don't care about anything.

I wish everyone would just leave me alone.

It's true. Life isn't worth living at all. What's the point in climbing up the ladder, just to die when you get to the top?

There's no purpose in life at all, nothing to do, nowhere to go, nobody who shares your pain... life isn't worth living at all.

The only way out at all is death... but, seriously, i can't be bothered to end my life.

There really is no point in anything at all is there?

We are all gonna die someday... why not sooner?

There are people in my life that care about me, but i wish they didn't.

I like being alone more than anything. Darkness and depression are my friends.

My heart is a battleground between light and darkness. And i always make sure that light falls into dispair.

Why wait out death though?

Answer 11

Are you on medication,it sounds as though you need to be.Depression is very hard to get out of,I know I have been there,but if you get the right meds you woud slowly improve,there is no magic cure,wish there was,it just takes time.Please see your doctor straight away, you don't have to suffer this badley.

Answer 12

Wow thats too much to read.

i think i m the same. we re a lot to feel the same. im not as emotional though.

have a look at hikkikomori on wikipedia

you must have some pride in you, let it be your motivation :)

---edit--- yeah talk to jesus, he s like a plush toy u can squeeze all u want he wont bite back plus u get someone watching over you again and having all the answers as u enter adulthood and miss protective daddy and mommy.

seriously those pple are the worst making profit of others weaknesses for such propaganda