So depressed with my life?

Question

I'm 17, a senior in highschool. I met this guy online who's 19. We've been talking for a couple years, and we've met in person before and everything. I really think I love him, and he feels the same way. I'm trying not to get into details, but none of my friends know or anything. I didn't MEAN to meet him. I just somehow did. I don't want to tell my friends because they'll think it's weird or something, idk. Anyways, it's made my "real" life depressing. I'm so bored with it. I have a lot of friends, and I've been asked out by many guys but I just don't want to. I just don't care. My parents keep pressuring me to do a sport "you'll regret it, blah blah" I tried sports, and didn't like it. I did soccer for 5 years! I just hate everything about my life. it's so uneventful, and even though I'll be able to just go away to college and push away the past, I don't know what I'm going to do until then. How do I not feel so lonely and sad all the time? all I ever look forward to is talking to this guy. We're actually going to meet up again next Friday. I know it's kind of hard to get what I'm saying, but I guess I just hate the way things are going in my life. Nothing ever works out in a way that makes me happy. Everything is always okay, but it's never GREAT. This guy though, he's great, but the stuation we're in is horrible, bcause he lives 4 hours away, ad I don't know what to do. I hate crying every single day, but I can't help it. What's wrong with me, andhow can I not be so sad?

Answer 1

I go along with the other answers, BUT they have not covered this fact.

This person on the net, TELLS you certain things. YOU DO NOT KNOW THAT ANYTHING IS TRUE.  WHO HE IS, How old he is, what he looks like, if he is truly a nice person, or is he????????????    I have had similar circumstance in parts of my own family.  She barely got away with her life.    He was a 50 year old man, who SAID he was 20.   He was about 400 lbs. but said he only weighed 180lbs.  He said he was 6'1" and he turned out to be 5'2".  Everything about him was a lie.  She met him in public, thank "God" and couldn't run fast enough.  From that point on he stalked her terribly, on the net and off the net, and she had to change her name and move to another town.

BE CAREFUL GIRL!    that IS NOT the kind of exciting life you would wish upon yourself.

Answer 2

I think you have put yourself into a bad situation - you have friends who do not know about this guy you are maybe "in love" with.  You have your real life separate from your cyber life.  You say, "How do I not feel so lonely and sad all the time? all I ever look forward to is talking to this guy."  It seems you are putting too much pressure on him to make you happy.  I think each of us needs to find happiness and joy within ourselves before we can truly connect with another person.  Make friends with yourself, consider your life choices so far and what you plan to do in the future when you leave home and go off to school.  Write a life statement. Start a journal. This is your Senior year in school and it should be a great experience for you.  You and some of your friends may be going your separate ways soon and it's a time to make memories.  Sports may not be for you, but I suggest you find ways to keep yourself busy; working especially hard to keep your grades up, volunteer for something, spend time creating senior memories with your friends.  Try dating some of the guys who ask you out, but be honest if you aren't looking for a serious attachment, just some fun, hanging out time. (and I'm not meaning casual s*x) Maintain contact with the online guy, but be realistic; perhaps you think your friends will think the situation weird is because you yourself have a feeling it might be weird.  Simple things like eating in a healthy manner and exercising may help.  Good luck!

Answer 3

Your going to have to change your thinking. I turned 30 this year and I am starting to realize the truth. Unhappiness follows everyone their entire life. The struggle never ends. The only way to be happy is to fight for it every day. You are in control of your life and no one else. You have reached the point in life that you control your future. Not your friends or parents. But you have to be active. Don't sit back and wait for anything. But that is where the struggle lies. More times than not you will make a wrong decision. But knowing it never ends gives you peace of mind. Even though it looks bad now, just keep fighting and change will continue to smile on you. Don't ever think you missed your chance. Life is full of chances. You just have to have the courage to take those chances. Unhappy people sit around feeling sorry for themselves. Be sober adventurous and happy : )

Answer 4

I know you might not want to hear this, and don't think I'm trying to put you down because this is something everyone does in some way or another. But it's possible that what you like about the relationship is that it fulfills your desire to escape the here and now. It's like a great daydream that you can even reach out and touch once in a while.

But it would probably help you more to turn the issue around and think about it as “why am I unhappy with what I have” rather than as “why does what I can't have make me so unhappy?”

It's not even this guy that you can't have – it's the daydream. Think about it: if this relationship turned into reality, something you had to put time and effort and commitment into every day, and you had to deal with him as a person who thinks his own thoughts and might even p**s you off from time to time, how would you fell about this relationship then?

What does the record show?

I think one of the things that contributes to dissatisfaction is a tendency to hold back, or to resist fully participating in the here and now. We are always thinking “if I only had this ine thing, my life would be perfect.” But then our minds are 260 miles away (which is about as far as you can drive in 4 hours ;). If your mind is elsewhere, there is no way to feel any connection to where you are.  How can our heart be IN it if our mind is not ON it?

And so we feel empty, and we try to fill the hole by distracting ourselves.

A more positive take would be to say I think I am happier when I find ways to participate more fully in what I am doing right now.

But this is not always easy! How can we be sure we're doing the right thing? What if the trade off to committing to thing A is giving up thing B, which might be better? And what if I go bringing my Thing A to everyone I know and they're not impressed or I suck at it and look like an idiot? And so on.

These are just examples – there can be any number of reasons, and they might be different each time.

In what ways do you hold back when you are confronted with the feeling that your heart just isn't in it? What is making you want to resist?

I'll tell you a secret: a couple of months ago I bought a guitar because it's something I've always wanted to do.  I stayed with it for about 2 weeks. Then one day, I put it down and haven't touched it since. Now I feel like there is this barrier around the guitar, just sitting there in the corner, almost like I'm not *allowed* to touch it. Or like it's sitting in a little parallel universe, and when I go into that universe, it makes me feel lost and small.

I want to play it, and I keep telling myself that if I had been just doing it all this time instead of putting it off, I'd be closer to meeting the expectations I have of being able to play it, the overwhelming learning curve would be flatting out, and I wouldn't have this hopeless ennui towards my desire to learn it, because I'd be doing something rather than just making myself feel bad about it. But I have this whole story built up in my head about how it's useless for me to take up practicing again because I'll get get frustrated and fed up and drop it again, and my guitar playing has become more about the story than about playing the guitar. Maybe I wasn't put on the earth to play the guitar and I should look for something else. Maybe I'm just being a wimp because I just want the reward without the struggle. But I I could just pick it up and play it, and enjoy the experience in the moment rather than getting all caught up in fretting about it, it wouldn't matter.

Fretting about the guitar! Ha! I kill me.

In any case, you and me both, how do we get past the stories and back to reality?  

When you are feeling that way, try asking yourself what the present moment is asking of you. What do you have to do to participate more completely? Why do you not want to do that thing? It's important to try to understand this. Is there some other perspective that would let you appreciate what is there?