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So far so good right?

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how is my story?

The sky was clear, the air was pure, and my mother wanted to take a walk and set up a nice picnic in our new town. We just got there and all she could think about was food and fresh air. I guess it is a great way to clear your mind of all the c**p one collects after the kind of marital seperation she had just gone through. Anyway, we packed up a large lunch basket, piled it high with junk food and store made ham salad. Nice, right? With our food and my niece in tow we headed out into the vast expanse of the blistering desert that is south Arizona. She had to choose the house with the least amount of trees and with the closest store about twenty miles from our property. Peace and quiet, she said. Whatever. "Walking through scorching heat and practically swimming in your own sweat sounds really peaceful ma" I yelled up to her. She was walking about three yards away from me. "I can't believe I actually tagged along with you instead of taking that full scholarship that Harvard offered me." I whispered under my breath. Hey, what could I say. I was worried about her, she was falling apart and she had the weight of taking care of my schizophrenic sister's daughter. I couldn't leave her to all that stress, especially with her chronic depression. She would've probably just sat and brood for the rest of her life if I hadn't stuck with her through all of this. I know it isn't my responsibility to take care of my mother and niece but that's what unconditional love will do to you. I swear she's making me crazy, I was the only normal person in my family, but now I'm not so sure, I don't believe anyone could see anything remotely normal about me right now. "God this heat is getting to me." I looked up into the sky and hoped to the heavens that it would rain. I knew it wouldn't but I can hope right? The sky didn't even hold one wisp of a cloud and the beating of the red-orange sun made the sand glare with such ferocity that it nearly blinded me. I couldn't even see my mother from this distance. "Hey," I yelled up to her. " what are you doing, leaving me behind so that the buzzards can pick my skull clean?" Her distorted form wavered like a mirage in the distance. I couldn't tell if she was still walking or if it was just the unbearable heat that twisted and fogged her shape. I stopped and waved to her, not knowing if she could see me any better than I could see her. It was hopeless. She kept on walking while I stood idly in the hot sand. I began to walk again as she disappeared into the distance. Pointed in the same general direction I paced my footsteps. Beginning with a slow impatient step and advancing into an ardent sprint. Sweat pooled around my eyes, tears welled up and poured out, making hot salt trails down my cheeks. I kicked up more and more sand with the adjustment in speed. Suddenly, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a flash of dark. Too afraid to look and much too concerned with my mother’s location, I did not stop. I ran for what seemed like hours, and for a moment I could swear I was being followed. I tossed out the notion and slowed my speed. The heat had seared through my clothing and seemed to burn my flesh. My stomach growled and I looked to the picnic basket in my left hand. I can’t believe I had forgotten it, with all that running and alarm I had become extremely parched. I sat the basket onto the sand and began rifling through my mother’s careless packing and I pulled out a small six ounce bottle of water. I twisted the cap off quickly and gulped down the full bottle.

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  1. Here are some edits, in brackets:

    I guess it is a great way to clear your mind of all the c**p one collects after the kind of marital seperation [separation] she had just gone through.

    She would've probably just sat and brood[ed] for the rest of her life if I hadn't stuck with her through all of this.

    Pointed in the same general direction[,] I paced my footsteps. Beginning with a slow impatient step and advancing into an ardent sprint. [This isn't a sentence]

    I sat [set] the basket onto the sand and began rifling through my mother’s careless packing ....


  2. yes...work on your spelling.

    edit - actually you only spelled separation incorrect you spelled it seperation ... It's very good story
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