So for ALL those non smokers dating/married to a 'occassional' smoker, HOW DO YOU DO IT???

Question

I have known this girl for only a couple of months BUT its getting complicated!!! I had met her on vacation. She is travelling. And she and i have made it happen so that we can meet each other in different places around the WORLD. In many ways, she is 'compatible' to me. Or shall i say, a PERFECT match! ie/ attitudes towards life, child bearing, fitness....

We may be still in the first stages of 'LOVE' or a.k.a 'Lust'.....

BUT.... i know deep down inside, I know i can make things work.

I can make the desired sacrifices, the moving around, the flexibitlity, the commitment etc etc.... However, i just learned that she is an 'occassional' smoker! So for ALL those non smokers dating/married to a 'occassional' smoker, HOW DO YOU DO IT???

I have seen a few too many partners lose their partner due to the diseases caused by smoking. But worse... and what i fear the most,

if i am out... and if she has a drink and lights one up! I could never handle that! I am a proud NON smoker. In ways... i wouldn't be proud to be with or married to a Smoker! (doesn't sound right?, but that is how i feel) I am afraid that i will have to make the ultimate decision, and Break the romance now (nip it in the bud) and prevent the hurt later down the road! =(

I may be over reacting... but i could never bet on, nor could she ever bet on, that she could become an occasional smoker (after a night out, have one or two cigs) to a regular smoker (80% of smokers start this way!?!) this sucks! I cannot believe my decision here is based on only ONE factor... and that is smoking!!! any feedback??? please???

thanks

w

Answer 1

Walk away. She won't want a relationship with a pompous control freak once she knows you better.

Answer 2

The non smoker claims loves for the smoker. Weather it be through marriage or shacking up. Then after a few years of living with a smoker. They tell the smoker, it's time to change. You can't smoke anymore. I don't like it. I don't like the smell.

Most never allowed it in the house to begin with.

That's how they do it.  They weasel out of it.

I'm glad my husband wasn't that way.

I flat out told him. "I smoke, you don't like it, start walking". We've been married 5 years, and have 3 wonderful kids. He doesn't care that I smoke in the house, car or bedroom. I trained him good. ; )

Answer 3

Nobody is perfect playboy. If it really bothers you then you have three choice

1) accept her for who she is

2) ask her to change. thing might get better or worst, she might smoke more

3) break up

Answer 4

Break up with her. Not for your sake, but hers. There are many things about her that you have problems with, but you are using her smoking as an excuse. Let her find some guy who isn't so silly and controlling, so that she can be herself, even if that includes smoking.

I hope you will make the right "executive decision", Mr. Executive. She can do better!

Answer 5

You should think about how strong she is to be an occasional smoker.  Many people cannot do this.  And smoking just occasionally will probably never really hurt you.  If she isn't a regular smoker now, she probably won't be in the future either.  These are two different kinds of people.  You should be proud of her strength to do this.  If she does ever become a regular smoker then you could have a talk but it really seems like you are over reacting.