So i'm recently married...is it normal that i feel like more of a mother than a wife when it comes to chores?

Question

My husband does not help out around the house, and at times i just get so frustrated, can someone tell me that i'm normal for feeling like this?

Answer 1

Well, I don't feel like I'm a mother when doing chores. Even though my husband helps, it's only occasional. I feel like I'm doing my job and that is being a wife and being responsible for the house.  

Answer 2

Welcome to married life.  It can be quite frustrating but also very rewarding at times.

The best way you can repair this is to sit down with your new husband and explain that although you love keeping him happy you need helping maintaining the house.  You'd like to divy up chores between the two of you so you are not doing everything yourself.  For instance, if you cook dinner then he should wash the dishes.  You will bag up the trash, but he has to take it out.  You will put cleaning supplies in the bathroom and every so often it would help if he will just scrub out the toilet real quick.  

Perhaps you can save the big cleaning stuff for Saturdays (like vaccuuming, cleaning bathroom, laundry, etc) and make sure he is home.  If he wants to go out with buddies say 'Honey, I don't mind if you go out with your friends, but do you think you could stick around and help me clean before you go?'  Then assign him chores.  'If you vaccuum I will do laundry'.  

Men need to be told to do things.  I know that sounds very sexist and stereotypical, but most times it is true.  They don't see that sink of dishes piling up.  Not until you rub their face in it.  Then they act.  After all, what man wants to live with an unhappy woman when they can simply get off their butts and make a happy one?

Good luck but just stay sweet, but firm.

Answer 3

Yes it is so true.  They don't change.  I think it has to do with guys not seeing what needs to be done.  Like, if there are dishes in the sink a woman will think I need to do dishes, a guy will think I need a clean glass.  Sometimes you have to tell them.  but then it's hard not to sound like a nag.  

Answer 4

I just moved in with my bf. I get him to gelp me with dinner sometimes but I usually do a lot of the cleaning and cleaning up after meals. I feel that he should just help me without my having to ask, and that rarely happens, but I think he's just oblivious to this and my feelings. I've started to ask him to help me with little things so I don't feel so servant-y. He hasn't complained so I guess just take it a step at a time. I don't feel bad asking for his help because I feel justified in the amount of work I have put in to keep things neat and dinner on the table. Just sometimes I really wish he would just make dinner or clean the bathrooms for me without having to ask!