So if a mother dies in childbirth and a baby would miss her?

Question

why is it so odd that an adoptee would miss her mother, as well?

Answer 1

I am sure if a child loses their mother through childbirth or through adotpion they woudl miss her.  With anything they will likely process that grief over their lifetime.

Answer 2

Yes, I believe that is very possible for the baby to miss their mom.  You do have your individuals that choose not to allow themselves to feel loss or don't miss them and that's okay.  I think that's part of a coping mechanism that we develop as to protect ourselves & 'survive' as that me.

I have a young toddler and I completely believe that a newborn is capable of 'missing' their mother, as you would be amazed how intelligent our newborns are.  However, the infant will have been 'conditioned' not to miss their mother if there is a new primary caretaker.  Even if they could not express their loss at a young age when they get older and are able to comprehend the situation fully, they may feel a loss.

Answer 3

It isn't odd. The only people who would find this odd are people who aren't educated in the child growth and development field and haven't done any research on their own.

http://lizardchronicles.blogspot.com has amazing links supporting the research on infants and how "advanced" they really are once born.

If anyone thinks that the infant wouldn't miss his/her mother and doesn't experience trauma from the loss of her, the information they're relying on to support their "no missing" theory is out of date and invalid.

Answer 4

Hi Jgf,

In the baby's mind, it's the same thing!  All a baby knows is Mother is gone.  He/she doesn't understand why.  The effects on the child are the same whether the mother is gone due to death or due to relinquishment to adoption.  It's not at all odd that a baby would miss his/her mother.  It's completely natural.  It would be sad to acknowledge one case and not the other.

julie j

reunited adoptee

Answer 5

Well, there, Steven, I'm guessing you've never heard of "body memory".  See, before children have the ability to speak for themselves, they have to have another way to store their memories.  Those memories don't just...disappear until you learn to talk.  They are stored in your body, in your bones, in your developing brain.  Those memories come out later on in life, and you have absolutely no frikin clue where some of this stuff comes from.  Look it up.  It's real.  Yes, a human being who grows inside of another human being for 9 months is going to miss that big person who gave him/her life.  That little person knew every single thing about that big person for 9 whole months.  That little person depended on that big person for food, safety, warmth, comfort.  That little person felt every single feeling that big person felt for 9 whole months, ate everything that big person ate, fell asleep to that big person's heartbeat, heard every conversation (reacted to some of the conversations, too).  That little person, if all went as nature intended, learned to love for the first time from that big person.

I'm tired, and I'm going to bed.  But I could go on and on forever.  Look it up.  Seriously, I'm not making this stuff up.

Answer 6

My paternal grandmother died within 6 months of my aunts birth (aunt is now in her 80's) and she was adopted out.  Her siblings were supposed to have visitation rights - but her amother stopped visits within the first year.

My aunt was an only child and was totally enthralled when she was reunited with her siblings and longs for any kind of information about her parents (both long deceased... she never got to meet either of them).  

Up until my father's death she used to hang on him and everything he said... I remember watching her when she was with him - she so had the tenacious personality that was a trademark of my father's family.  It was so sad because she totally needed to be a part of our family...

She had so little time with most of her siblings 3 sisters & 2 brothers and feels a tremendous loss at never really getting to know her biological family.  She is the only child left of my grandparents.

Sorry about ranting:  let me address the core question.  It is not odd that an adoptee would miss her mother but further they miss out on the relationships and dynamics of a family that they should have been apart of from the very beginning.  And as a person that never had grandparents (maternal or paternal) i'll add that personally I feel a great void in my own life in not having those  relationships in my own life.  I can't even begin to imagine the void an adoptee has.

Answer 7

I definitely think the child would miss her in either circumstance. I also think that there would be a natural curiosity about who she is/was & the bond you share. They say a newborn baby knows the Mother's voice.

Answer 8

I disagree with the information on that website.  I think it would be different if the baby was 6 months old and then suffered the loss, but I have adopted before.  The baby was absolutely fine. Never had any crying fits etc.  She was the easiest, most calm, and happy baby ever.  The bonding experience was much like that with a birthmother.  I don't think she ever knew the difference. She is my lil angel and always has been.

Answer 9

Hmmmm, interesting.  All the people who answered your last question seem to have vanished.  The answer to "If a mother died in childbirth, would a baby miss her", was a resounding "YES", I noticed.

But no one seems to be able to (or willing to?) acknowledge that an adoptee would also miss their mother....just like the baby whose mother died.   I find that very strange.  Why are the circumstances different, I wonder?

Answer 10

Your question doesn't make any kind of sense. Are you trying to ask if a mother dies while her child is being born would it miss her. Highly doubt it because it doens't have the memories or the ability to remember her birth mother. The child will only know who raised her.

Answer 11

I think the baby would miss knowing who her birthmother was, yes.

Answer 12

Sorry, but no, the babies mind would be too feeble. Yeppers.

Answer 13

I have to agree with the first answer...I don't imagine a child that loses their mother during childbirth would ever miss her...how can you miss someone you don't know or don't ever remember being with?  The same would go with an adoptee...how can they miss their birth parents if they never knew them?  I'm not adopted, but I've never met my biological father, but that doesn't mean I miss him...I've never met the man, I have no reason to "miss" him.  I'd like to meet him, yes, but I can't miss what I've never known.

Answer 14

not odd at all. again, i say, the people that have no connection to adoption as making assumptions again.

there is more to being pregnant than carrying a baby and giving birth. much more. it is a connection that cant be replaced. i didnt realize all this until recently, but i always knew it, i just didnt want to admit it.

that baby shares everything the bmother does, if the mother is stressed the body knows, including the baby. sounds, movements, everything.

when the bond is broken, no matter how, it is felt. i could always 'sense' lori, cant put into any better terms than that. sorry.

i knew she was a part of me no matter where her physical body may be. and she felt that same thing.

bmothers are more than just a vessel. they are the life line, ground zero, where everything starts. just because you cant see the foundation of a building, does that mean its not there? of course not, or else it would crumble to the ground. with out that foundation the building would be a shell.

sorry for the metaphors, its just easier for me to get my feelings accross like that

Answer 15

Cause they took the adoptee in and now is like there real family

Answer 16

Its not odd.  Another reason for open adoption.  I would want to keep that line of communication open for both of them.  I know they miss each other.

good questions-nite for me-good nite all