So..........is romance dead?

Question

I love my husband to death, he's a sweetheart....however he really lacks in the romance department. Just little thing, like flowers for no reason or anything like that I would kill for. I think i probably have high expectations because my dad after 30 years of marriage still buys my mom flowers once a week or little things like that. I try to come up with special little things for him all the time...whether it be cook his favorite dinner or make plans to see a movie he really wants to see ect.

Is your huband/wife still romantic?

Answer 1

I have tried flowers for no reason.. keep color in house.. I help with dishes, laundry cleaning, etc... I buy surprises.. I let her sleep in.. I don't hassle about s*x..

not appreciated... makes no difference.. I have stopped... I will by flowers for my kids...

Answer 2

I'm in your same boat... I grew up watching my Dad bring home flowers just because my Mom loves them, and walking in after work and just start dancing with her, he also can't leave the house until he has given her a kiss, and she.... omg.... she bakes him scones or muffins, or something every morning, makes sure the house is taken care of, lunch made for him and dinner ready for when he comes home, she rubs his feet in the evening and they cuddle on the couch while watching their favorite show or movies....

I wish I had an ounce of it! I've told my husband just to love me the way I love him.... and that is that you should love someone the way you want to be loved, you should treat them the way you would want to be treated. Think about it... If you would love breakfast in bed, I'm sure your spouse would too! Or, if you love to have your feet rubbed, especially after a rough day, I bet your spouse would too.

I am considerate of my husband... He works hard, I'll take his boots off and rub his feet... I'll make his favorite meals... and desserts... I'll also get him something when I get up, and just think he'd probably like something too. I do for him as I would love for him to do for me. I've also told him about the whole flowers thing, and his response is that he'll never get me flowers after we fight, because that would be like trying to buy his way back into my heart... he said he'll get me flowers just because he wanted to... and you know how many times I've gotten flowers from him? ZERO... In 8 years of knowing him.... none.

All I can do is look at the little things. Like last week. We started a date night and a family night tradition for each week. It was pretty romantic... last Friday we watched a movie as a family and him and I shared a bottle of wine. It might not have been overly romantic, but I thought it was romantic! So, he got a few days of extra special treatment for trying to make me happy.

Why not try to mention things like that? I know it isn't much, but something is better than nothing right? And who knows, maybe when the kids are grown and gone... you'll see him do what your Dad does now. I know I for one am having my fingers crossed for that!

Answer 3

Of course romance is still alive.  Just this morning my husband left me a snotty tissue on the bathroom sink.  Just for me.  Ain't he sweet?

Answer 4

I'm right with you.  The only time I can expect flowers are for our anniversary.  I don't even get them on Valentine's Day or my birthday!  I guess some men think since they've already reeled us in they don't have to be romantic anymore.  I would be so happy if he would just light a candle but nope, not even that.

Answer 5

you have to tell him what you want or he wont know what you're thinking. It turns out husbands can't read our minds. too bad!

anyway, i'm in the same pickle. but i don't really care that much cuz he does other things that  i think are cute. such as fold the laundry or do the bed.

appreciate the little things and don't stress over flowers. they die out anyway.

plus guys just don't think like we do (not all guys) about what they can do to impress us, they're just there! but that's better then now having someone there so ya. don't stress  

Answer 6

I think it is the sign of the times. People multitasking is a part of life and little things that are important are not so important today. I use to tell my students what it took to get her is what it takes to keep her. This it a truism. Sometimes, many men become too comfortable in their relationships and take for granite that a person should and have to do certain things.If you do not do this task, there are many out there that would gladly do my bidding. I know this is hard reality. It is true and scary. It sets up the fact that we as men should reverse the roles that we have been  accustomed to doing in this society.  I am talking about making the woman in out life our ally in all sense of the word.Now since she has become an equal partner , there is no sense in being loving as our queens are use to. The older group still subscribe to bringing flowers, candy and gifts for no reason but to give

and to say I love you and thank you for Being in my life.

Answer 7

Romance is tricky because it's really about perception (his and yours). He's probably romantic in different ways but you can't really see it because you're expecting him to be like your father. Take a week and make a mental note of all of the sweet things he does for you and then remember to THANK him. Men are like dogs in this aspect, the more you praise them, the more they perform (sorry men, it's true). Another thing is to take a look at the "special little things" that you do for him and ask yourself if it's to please you or him. Leaving a little teddy bear in his briefcase might seem romantic to you but I'm betting he'd think a s**y phone call or a night of ecstasy where he doesn't have to do much at all is MUCH better. I've always equated our need for romance to their need for s*x. Trade with that in mind and I'm betting you have more flowers coming your way. Good luck :)

PS. My husband isn't huge on flowers either so I buy them for myself (I deserve it) He does other romantic things that I wouldn't have even thought of...

Answer 8

I'm on the same page as you - I give up.

Love him to death but yeah - there is no romance like there used to be.

You got me.....

Answer 9

Neither of us is Harlequin romantic, but we have enough romance in our lives to maintain that 'ain't love grand' glow, even when our baby has us up every couple of hours in the night.

Answer 10

tell your hubby what i told mine when he said flowers were a waste of money...... though he did send them a lot prior to us being married... after marriage... not much at all... so one day i talked to him about this

i said..... flowers don't have to cost anything.... wildflowers growing along side the road would be fine with me.. or a rose from a rosebush.... just anything to let me know you think of me at times..

Answer 11

I kind of have to push my husband in the romantic department. Not every man or woman is the same. I could understand you wanting him to do these cute little things for you but you cannot compare your marriage to others. Was your husband romantic when the two of you were dating? It is your job to make your husband see that these simple gestures make you happy. Communication is one of the keys to a healthy marriage.

Answer 12

1) Did you know he was not "romantic" before you married him?

2) All marriages have good and bad stages, some longer than others.

3) Talk to him, let him know exactly how you feel.

4) Try not to compare marriages, there are too many variables.

5) Take a vacation with him, even if it is just a long weekend and make it a second honeymoon.

I know is it not easy, I have been married 14 years!

Communicate, communicate, communicate!

Javy