So lost...what should i do? Bit long but please read and help.?

Question

So lost...what should i do?

A couple months ago i went to see my GP for self harm (something i've done for years). She referred me for an assesment at some hospital which will be in about 4months time (roughly). She told me to book an appointment about every month untill then just to 'see how i'm doing'. It's been a month now and i can't get an appointment for another week so i can't talk to her (my GP) about this...

The thing is my moods have been all over the place and sometimes im harming myself, feeling really really down and upset yet other times i feel ok and able to cope with life.

I think i should cancel everything. Right now i just know i need to do that...i'm wasting their time and it's making me feel really guilty. The doctor who i used to see (she's just left though) seems to be only focusing on the amount of alcohol i'm drinking and has got the wrong end of the stick thinking i have a drinking problem. She thinks i'm not willing to attend any support groups (i think she thinks she's given me more than she has) because she only gave me the name/number of one organisation who i emailed and called twice with no answer.

She just doesn't understand at all and i've never been able to explain things well (especially emotions). I think she's come to her own conclusion that i'm lazy, not willing to put in effort, drink waay too much and am generally a waste of space.

After the last appointment i left feeling about 10 times worse than i did going in. The doctor i used to see will have written all this down about how pathetic i've been and now the doctor i'm seeing next week will read it and all ready have judged me before i even meet her.

Right now i think i just need to cancel it all. I tried and it failed.

BUT then again i feel ok right now but i know this isn't going to last long and soon all the suicidal thoughts, cutting, horrible hopeless, worthless, down feelings i have will all come floding back.

So i don't know what to do. Most of me wants to cancel the appointment and assesment yet a small part tells me not to because the reason i went to the doctor in the first palce was becasuse i couldn't deal with things anymore.

I'm SO lost and confused and don't know what to do. I can't talk to anyone about this.

Please help.

And before anyone says i know i need to get a grip and stop being such a pathetic mess! Believe me i've tried...going to the doctor about this was the last thing i wanted to do...

Thanks for reading.

Answer 1

You're not pathetic; you're struggling to feel normal and overcome the problems you face. You aren't sitting on the couch and admitting defeat. You have been really productive in taking that step to see a doctor. It sounds to me like you're considering giving up or "canceling it all" because you don't feel helped by these doctors.

If you didn't have a car and needed one, then sitting on the couch and giving up wouldn't get you one. Going to a car dealership would be a great first step, but what if that dealer didn't suit you? What if she just gave you a bad feeling? Would you go home and give up completely on getting a car, or would you shop around for other dealers that suited you? So what's the difference with your health?

Getting better takes time and persistence. Losing weight doesn't happen overnight, and neither does getting help. People who eat a brownie and then get overwhelmed, then give up, are not fit. It's the people who say, "Well, I might have eaten that brownie, but I'm going to keep at it. If I fail again, I'll get back up, because I'm bound to succeed if I don't back down." It's all in your mind when you think you can't get better.

I know it looks hopeless, but try other doctors. Try all sorts of therapists. Give them all adequate time (don't just give up after one session), and move on if they aren't helping. This is your mental health and you deserve good doctors. Would you call someone in a wheelchair pathetic? Then why are you calling yourself pathetic? Your obstacles may be invisible (mental hurdles), but they are just as real as physical obstacles!

Answer 2

You really need to see a different doctor. It sounds like you suffer from Bipolar, although I'm not qualified to say so. There has to be someone in your life you can talk to about this... a parent perhaps?

Answer 3

my situation is quite similar, though i haven't hurt myself yet...

anyway if you feel extremely confused i suggest you start straighting out your life

make a schedule, and don't keep doing the same things over and over.

take your time doing things, and focus on them, try making the best of what you have.

Answer 4

Not knowing where you live, connect to this web site and find a local crisis help center.  They have the expertise and knowledge available for you.

Life is worth living.  God Bless you in your quest.

Answer 5

Keep the date to see the new Dr. Sometimes we need to go through a few of them before we find the right one to help us.

Close your eyes and imagine you're on a train in a dark tunnel,

look for the light at the end of the tunnel...that my friend is your hope. Keep the faith that you will get to the end of that tunnel and that light will give you a new lease on life.

Life is not always fair or easy, but I believe in time you will heal and the beauty you have inside will shine.

Believe in yourself..And today, you will be in my thoughts.

Answer 6

just try to be positive, hang in there. if u really need to hurt yourself put a ruberband around your wrist and snap it. that way no one will know.

Answer 7

First of all, you are NOT a waste of space or any other ugly thing you said about yourself.  You need to stop being so hard on yourself.  I am not a doctor so, please just take this as advice from someone who too felt the need to do some of the things you are doing to yourself.

Continue to see your doctor.  Stop hurting yourself trust me one day hopefully soon you will come out of this phase and stop feeling bad and you will wonder why you cut yourself ever.... that day of stopping could be today!! Stop feeling guilty ... guilt is a terrible thing if you habv=ve wronged someone and need to ask for their forgiveness then do so if you do not get the response you are looking for then stop feeling guilty that choice to forgive is on ther shoulders - please be sincere though.

If you feel that you are drinkning too much then cut back or stop alcohol can be very bad for depressed persons as it is also a depressant you are just thorwing gas on your fire... go outside just for a little while fresh air helps a lot

I do not know what the cliamte is like where you are, but get out there a little and then maybe a little more each day ...

you spoke of cancelinog everything??  Just one step at a time - and you will not have to cancel anything OK!!

There is a light and their is God - I don't know what your religon is and it really dosen't matter just pray meditate and get outside a little at a time and soon fressh air willl come into your body and your mind and your spirit..

seriously ease up on yourself - you are SOOOO worth it.

Answer 8

keep the appointment. until then choose one thing to work on.

concentrate on doing that one thing right while you wait for the

appointment,  and ask them to help you get a handle on the next

thing to work on.  

keep all your appointments,  you are worth saving.  do as much

as you can to change destructive behavior, but when you stumble,

don't get down on yourself.  just say oops and go on from there.

that way you will only let it be a stumble, not a road block.