So may people say they would never have an affair, so why are these the statistics?

Question

http://menstuff.org/issues/byissue/infidelitystats.html

**Not a judgment against anyone, just a curious question**

The statistics say that there are a lot of people who do have affairs. But most people one talks to will say, "No, I'd never do that". If most people say no they wouldn't, but the statistics say different, then where ARE these people who DO have affairs?

Would you say that they are too scared to say how they truly feel? Your thoughts?

Answer 1

Yes, they are scared to say how they really feel. They don't want to come off as a bad person for their thoughts and feelings, whether they be constant or fleeting.

Answer 2

hormones take over?

Answer 3

Denial is not just a river in Egypt, ya know.

Lots of people tend to not let the left hand know what the right hand is doing. Also because they don't want to be put in the catbird seat and judged, they'll lie about it.

That's the thing that killed me when folks were freaking out about the Monica Lewinsky thing.  All upset that former Pres. Clinton "lied" about the affair. Oh, puhleez.  Turned out all those people on the Starr Commission either had affairs in the past or were having affairs at the time they were attempting to get Clinton impeached.  Talk about hypocrisy!

Answer 4

In general, most men who have affairs tend to have lower standards for women than faithful men.  Think about it, most quality women belong to another man. They are not available to date. Therefore, in order to be able to cheat, he has to have standards low enough to attract what ever women are left over who most faithful men would not choose to have as partners.

Most faithful men realize that they have a good thing going for them. Therefore, they don't want to go out and cheat with a lesser woman than the one they have and risk being single again, where they would have to compete with other men for a woman that is as attractive as the one they cheated on and lost.

Ladies, if you realized how many unattractive women there are, then you would not be surprised about why so many men are faithful.

Answer 5

It is cuz they just say it to say it but really they don't mean it!  Yeah they are just too scared to say what they really think because they are afraid of being judged!

Hope i helped!

<3

Answer 6

Some people lie, and others smudge the line between faithful and unfaithful.  As in: some believe an "Affair" is only sexual. Others believe that people can have emotional affairs, or that kissing is cheating, etc...  So someone could have had an emotional affair, but when asked if they cheated would respond "no" because they don't see it that way.

Answer 7

People say a lot of things.  I don't think that people ever mean to have affairs per se.  At the time that they made that assertion, they probably truly thought that they wouldn't.  The fact of the matter is, in this day and age we court things that we shouldn't, have far too high of an opinion of ourselves when it comes to the ability to resist temptation and no one really ever knows what they're going to do until they're in the situation.  It's sounds cold and it's an unpopular view but if your entire relationship is predicated on feelings, chances are, you could have an affair.  To make a relationship work, you have to be slightly more committed to the relationship itself than you are to the person.  By that I mean, when you make a serious commitment, you have to say to yourself that you're going to make the relationship work for the rest of your life not not just that you're going to be with that person for the rest of your life.  Feelings are fickle and you're not going to love your significant other the same way twenty years from now that you love him/her today.  That is not to say that you won't love him as deeply, you will just love him differently and it takes time to identify that change.  Sparks are not going to fly all the time and if that's what you're looking for (and most people are) you're going to be sorely disappointed.

Answer 8

because people lie too much

Answer 9

People dont think that they will until they feel those certain feelings.. they can't help how the feel.

Answer 10

duh

Answer 11

Most people don't intend to have an affair.  It just happens that they are attracted to someone else, and things get away from them.  Even if someone was thinking in those terms I doubt that they would be honest with themselves on a survey.  I do NOT speaj from personal experience.

Answer 12

Ill tell you right now. Most men dont want to. But its just nature and eventually you cant take the pressure. I guess if you lived on a remote island with your girl then thats a different story.

Answer 13

yes they are lying.  people have affairs.

Answer 14

of course it's only because who the heck would admitt that they would have an affair? lol

Answer 15

well of coarse their tooo scared i mean if your in a relationship and 1 u kno ur a cheater and 2 u kno u tend to like other men sexually then yeh they lie bc they dnt want word to get to their signaficant other

Answer 16

There are a lot of different reasons why people cheat as one blanket explanation cannot cover all.

Answer 17

Hmmm... well... in case you didn't notice: PEOPLE LIE. Yes, I know its hard to believe, but people DO sometimes say things that are not true.

Also, statistics are not very accurate for most things. When is the last time YOU were part of a statistic? Case CLOSED.

ALSO, there is not much to be gained by saying you would cheat on someone. I'll admit that YES I would have an affair. Now that I said that, how do you feel about me? SEE??? It does NO good to admit that stuff.

Answer 18

people want to look like they're good people.

everyone is all about image these days.

Answer 19

people lie all the time because they are embarrassed/ashamed of themselves and think that people would think less of them if they knew that they were cheating on their spouse also they would tell people that they wouldn't ever have an affair if they are married because their spouse would probably find out

Answer 20

I think there is more cheating than what any poll will show. People just don't like admitting they did it.

Answer 21

This is a United States survey. Americans have been spoiled and learned to be lazy pleasure seeking selfish individuals over the past 20 luxurious years. Unless you have left the country, most likely you are a selfish self seeking social/family killing parasite....

I'm just visiting... LOL :)

Answer 22

Oh yeah - they don't want to come across as being they *type* to have affairs. They want to be all loving and adoring and faithful. More people would have affairs if they thought they could get away with it. Everyone wants to be thought of as attractive and s**y, and the thought of "tying yourself down" to one partner for the rest of your life is, to some people, quite a horrible thought! lol

Answer 23

I personally think I would never cheat on my husband! But you can't really tell till you are in the middle of the situation; you never know if you'll find somebody that makes you feel such an attraction that you would even consider going through all the trouble. So, I would say the statistics are correct, but people simply are not in the situation yet to give you a not bias answer.

Answer 24

No one (well not really anyone) plans on having an affair.  And often times they happen so subtly at first you don't even realize what you are doing until you are involved with another person.  Now the right thing to do in this moment is to back off and cut off contact.  But often times people find the whole thing so exciting and titillating that they keep it going until they are in a situation that is to hard to resist temptation.  So, in turn the people who think they would never have an affair put in the right (or wrong) situation may actually stray.  Just a theory.

Answer 25

People do not plan on having an affair: it just happens. They meant some one and things just start happening and surprise they are having an affair. Then their are those women and men that just go out to see what else they can get; they love themselves not their partner.

Answer 26

because people do this weird thing called LYING.

i dont kno, i probably wouldnt have an affair, its disrespectful to your partner, and if your not happy with them, then you should just break it off.

Answer 27

maybe because they would say that to people as to not be seen as creeps but in private you never know how strong people are.

Answer 28

People that say that they wouldn't have an affair are usually young people that were taught that it is bad to do so or they have seen their parents or other adults in their life cheat. When they get older they see outside of the grey area and experience situations where one might stray out of a monogamous relationship. Examples would be not getting the attention they need from a partner, wanting out of a relationship but are too chicken to leave for fear of being the bad person, their partner cheats on them. There are so many different situations that would cause someone to cheat. Most people say they don't when they do because they are afraid of how people will judge them. It's easier to just keep it to themselves either because they feel guilty meaning they did it once and learned from it or they just don't want anyone to know their business.

Answer 29

You have to be careful with those.

The most accurate one I saw said that 60% of men admit to having an affair while 40% of women admit to it. The survey also asked the same men if they would lie about having an affair if they didnt and nearly half of them said yes. When they asked the women if they would lie about having an affair if they did have an affair, just over half of them said they would.

So this survey basically said that 60% of men (+/- 38% discrepency) said they had an affair while 40% of women (+/- 65% discrepency) said they had an affair.

100,000 people were surveyed. If I can find the link, I'll update my answer.

Answer 30

No one plans to committ adultry. that would make them pigs.