So much pressure on marriage?

Question

I am a 22 year old female. I have been with my fiance for 4 1/2 years, and coming up in October we will have been engaged for 3 years. People always seem so shocked that we have been engaged for so long, and can't seem to understand why we aren't married yet. We are both trying to further our lives by completing school. to give us a good start on a life together. I always take these peoples comments with a grain of salt, because in all honesty I could care less what they think. We are very much in love, and we both know that. We just don't see the need to go "running" down the aisle to prove to everyone that we do. In today's world there seems to be so much pressure on marriage .. ex.) we are expecting a baby, it is time to get married. So many people I went to school with are married, which is fine ... it is their lives. I just don't see why my relationship is so much less in others eyes just because we haven't gotten married yet. What are your feelings on this topic? And do you feel that an engaged couple should run off and get married as soon as possible? With all of life moving so fast, I think it is just nice to stand still for a bit with the guy I love, married or not my feelings are the same.

Answer 1

this is one of the more honest questions and you are right there is no rush, I have been with my partner for 9 years and it is the least important thing in our lives we are older both 56 no children we don't want any either we have both had our children and love them to bits if more couples were to go through an engagement instead of a 3/6/ 9/ months before getting married then there would be less broken marriages    

Answer 2

Marriage is a HUGE step, and much harder then most people will admit. Being engaged is easy, thats the fun part. and that first year or two of marriage, thats fun. I think you should do whatever you feel best for you first of all, people putting pressure on you is just ridiculous. But being married is fun, in a different way then being engaged is. Eventually I think it would be to your benefit to be married, if you are both commit ed you may as well be able to file taxes together. I would just make sure that your decision is based on what you really want and not just fear of what you have seen in people around you, if that makes sense. But you two are doing just fine dont ever give into pressure from people who dont know anything.

Answer 3

Well, there are certain social expectations. For example, if you're a student and going to school, people will probably expect you to graduate in about 4 years - because most students do. There's nothing wrong with being a part-time student and taking twice as long to graduate, but this will put you in the minority, and you will stand out. Same with marriage; most people get married within a year or two from their engagement. So when you take longer, it's unusual, unexpected, and you stand out. There's nothing wrong with living your life as you see fit, but you have to understand that whenever you do something "out of the norm", you will attract attention - it comes with the territory. I know a girl who dyed her hair purple and got multiple facial piercings - and now she's complaining that people "stare" at her; well, duh. If you look different or act different, you WILL be stared at, whether you want it or not. This is just something you need to make peace with.

My own personal feeling - I don't want a long engagement. It's one thing to date a person for a while and take your time to make the decision; but once the decision is made, I want to get to the next stage and get on with my life. I don't derive any particular satisfaction from "being engaged"; once I decide that I want to marry someone, that's it - I want to MARRY them, BE MARRIED to them. But this is just me - it's different for everyone. Sounds like you have found what works best for you, and this is all that counts. Just don't take it too personally when people are surprised by your (unusually long) engagement - as you said, you don't need to prove anything to anyone; just do what you feel is the right thing - even when it's not "the average".

Answer 4

I agree with you. It's your life, and you have plenty of time to get married. For now enjoy getting to know each other better. Even after you have been married for years, you will still be learning things about each other. If more people had longer engagements, there would be a lot less divorce. Don't let anyone make you feel that marriage is something you have to do right now, if you are both content with your relationship as it is. Your relationship isn't one bit less. I would say it's got a lot more than most people would realize. You are very smart to be thinking as you are. Don't rush into anything. You have a lifetime.

I congratulate you on your very good common sense.  

Answer 5

You sound like a very level-headed and responsible woman.  No one should ever rush into marriage, baby or otherwise.  It takes time to get to know someone and know that they are the one you choose to spend the rest of your life with.  

Are there marriages that last when someone has known the other for less than a week?  Absolutely but those seem to be far and few between these days.  

I advocate for a minimum of 2 years of engagement before getting married.  I don't think you can truly know someone with less than that.  

You have the rest of your lives to devote to each other.  I think it is very wise to settle matters of education and debt first.  :)

Answer 6

I think that you are making the right choice to wait until you are ready and get some of these frustrating issues out of the way like school. If other people would be less quick to jump into things and actually took their time and thought things out and waited till the right time then there would be a lower divorce rate. It  is good that you both are being adult and thinking things clearly and doing things in your own time. So having that said, why worry about what others think? It is your life and that is what matters.  

Answer 7

it's only a piece of paper in some states you to are already in a common law marriage... jus keep doing wat you two are doing it's working for you so why care wat people think

Answer 8

What's the point of trying to slow down when your expecting a baby?  Your life is about to get so crazy hectic you might just want to get married because your schooling is about to be put on hold.

Answer 9

No, take your time, there is no need to rush. You do not have to prove anything to anybody. It is your life and you should live it the way you want to. We only got one.

Answer 10

nope. nothing wrong w/ it. smarter actually