So pissed off 5 kids and no time for myself!!?

Question

i have 5 kids ages re 6,5,4, 22 months and a 7 months old the 2 oldest go to school i stay at home with the 3 little ones during the day i dont work my husband does i dont see to have time to take a shower i feel fat weighning 157 pounds i want to go the gym but with so many kids ai cant and with my husband lack of support is very difficult he work from 6 am to 7 pm monday to friday and on weekend when he is home he just love to sleep and do nothing i dont have a break and after all he keep asking me for one more baby dont want more kids and i want to get my tubes tied and i will i'm so feed up and tired my 7 months olds keeps waking up 2 times at night and i have to me awake by 6 to take the girls to school and dress the other ones to and prepare them for the dayi dont know what to do everytime i talk with my husband he think i just want to be like a 15 years old partiying and stuff is not that i'm 22 years old

Answer 1

YOU AREN'T ALONE!!!

I'll say it again, just in case you didn't understand.

You aren't alone.

There are people who can help you.  Some of them right here online.

The best, easiest and most trustworthy are family and friends.  Neighbors work in a pinch.  Drop the kids at school, drop the babies off with relatives and go home and take a nap.

If you don't know anyone, HIRE someone.

Call up a nanny agency.  They'll send someone over to help you for an hour or 2 a day.  Maid services might be another big help.  You can hang out with your kids while someone else washes your floors and cleans the bathroom.

Find mommy groups in your area.  Churches are the best way to find women just like you.  They get together, hire a baby sitter, and talk like grown ups for an hour or 2 a week.

Google mommy groups.  Yahoo! Groups is another place to find a group to join.  Look on Craig's List.  They are happy to meet new people.

Tell hubby he can have another baby when he gets pregnant.

Tell him that until you get some help around the house and some sleep, he's not getting a warm handshake from you.

If you really want some peace, quit waiting on him.

Send the kids in when he's sleeping.

Stop cleaning up after him.  Make him take care of himself.

Just see how fast the baby wishes dry up when he has a poopy baby sitting on his chest while he's trying to sleep.  

You are not alone!!!

You are not alone

Keep telling yourself...

You are not alone

Answer 2

You truly have a lot to deal with. There are a couple of suggestions you might try. While a gym workout does sound like a lovely idea,you don't really need a gym to get in shape. Take those little ones for a long walk every day the weather permits. The 4-year-old can walk or ride a tricycle, the 22 month-old can be in a stroller, and carry the 7-month-old in a baby backpack. Start with a 20 minute hike, then gradually increase it to one hour. You won't believe how much better you feel.

Tell your husband you need to have a talk with him, not in the presence of the children. Set a time and tell him you are absolutely serious. Here are some points to cover: When he's working 11 hours a day, he's not being either a father or a husband. He's just a worker. You and the kids deserve more.

Write down everything you are feeling, including the fact that you are not interested in adding to the child count, that you are worn out and that you need his help and companionship as a husband, as well as a father. He needs to help out with these kids. He was there for the fun part, after all. Now it's time to live up to the responsibilities he created.

The two of you were a couple before the children and you'll be a couple after the children. In between, you need to nurture your relationship. You need time together, without children, at least one night a month.



The 7-month-old is old enough to sleep through the night. Ask your doctor about adding solid foods to the diet so he'll stay full longer. Then, you just might have to let him cry it out for a couple of nights. Get some advice from your pediatrician.

Get a babysitter. If you don't have family nearby, ask some of your neighbors who they use. See if some other young mothers in your community would like to form a play group.

If you are having trouble meeting other moms, visit the story hour at your local public library or check online to see of there's a mom's organization in your community. Go to a PTA meeting at the older children's school with the younger ones in tow. It's a great way to meet other women such as yourself.

Give all these a try, but tell your husband that you really need family counseling. It can make all the difference in the world. Don't take "no" for an answer.

Answer 3

i read your other posted questions.. i have a 1 year old, and parents like u make me sick! ur the type that are on the news, you need to give your children to ur husband and leave him and go far far away from everyone its the best.. or give ur kids up for adoption

Answer 4

You definitely need more support, but with the hours your husband works, I don't see how that is really feasible.  Can you afford to have someone come in a couple of days a week to give you a hand?

But I have to wonder--what did you really expect?  Five children by the age of 22 (and your first one was born when you were 16 years old)--surely you must have known that this would mean you wouldn't have much time of your own.

EDIT:  Reading through your posting history, all I can tell you is to stay on your meds, even though you don't seem to think you need them.  Especially in the high-stress situation of caring for so many children at such a young age, you need to make sure you are as mentally fit as you can be.

Please make an appointment to see your doctor and have your meds checked, for your sake and your family's.

Answer 5

Wow.  You certainly have a full plate, so to speak.  5 children is 5x the responsibility.  And they are all so young.  I want to say that I commend you for having 5 children under the age of six.  I think I'd go mad.

With that said, hun, unfortunately you DON'T have your own life right now. Your entire world is revolving around your children. That is one of the many sacrifices a person makes when they decide to be a parent, especially x5.

The upside to all of this is remember how young you still are.  By the time the children grow up, you will still be young and will then find the time to enjoy yourself more.

In the meantime, if you are not happy with your weight, try exercising at home.  There are many, many different exercises that can be done without having to go to a gym.  And let's face it, right now you are not in a situation that would allow you to leave the house for any pertinent amount of time.

So basically, what I am trying to say is you really don't have your own life right now.  It's all about your children.  And I completely understand your frustration.  I have a 12 year old son and rarely get time to go out and have "me" time.  I think I go out without him, like for drinks and dinner, like 4 or 5 times a YEAR.

It's all about the sacrifice.  You have got to be there for your kids right now.  But don't worry, they will grow up some day.  And then you'll have much more time for you.

Good luck to you.

Answer 6

"lack of support is very difficult he work from 6 am to 7 pm monday to friday"

... wait, that's a lack of support? He's only paying for EVERYTHING.

Two words for you - au pair. As long as you have a bedroom to give them, they cost about $300 a week ($160/week in wages, and $140 for their food and misc costs). Cultural Care Au Pair is a great program to go with, they provide security for both the family and the au pair and they set everything up for you. You won't find a better price for literally round the clock childcare.

Answer 7

22 with 5 kids? Holy smokes, I hope your hubby has a good job! Tell him you are taking every other Saturday as your day off! He gets days off, why can't you? And if he won't let you, divorce him and split custody, that way you'll get 3.5 days off every week. Having kids is a joint effort.

Answer 8

you are 22 with 5 kid, no wonder you don;t have time.  did i miss your question?

Answer 9

Hi,

I think the most important thing to start with is to get your baby into a good sleep routine.  I had massive problems with getting my 4 month old son to sleep.  He would just lie awake and cry for hours, then when he finally went to sleep he would wake every hour or two hours through the night and cry again!  Talk about pulling our hair out .... we were absolutely desperate for sleep!

It was a baby sleep audio program recommended by a friend that finally saved us. We followed the advice and began by creating a baby sleep routine which included bathtime, dimming of the lights, putting James into his crib, final nappy change and then lullabies. We also made recommended changes to his naps during the day and used some of the other recommended techniques. Within two weeks he was sleeping through the night most nights with just the odd night where he would just wake once!

Definitely start by creating a good baby sleep routine though and you could find that solves most of your baby sleep problems.

Good luck!

If you want to take a look, the audio program is at http://www.babysleepsolution.com

Answer 10

well i have four kids and my husband is the bread winner here but when he comes home he feeds the twins and if they wake up at night he tends to them and on weekends he cares for them on saturday and sunday i do very little on the weekend with care for the twins hes a great help maybe you should have a serious talk with your husband and i don't have my tubes tied either my twins are 17mths just take a breather even if you have to stand on the front porch for 2mins to regain your sanity trust me i understand  

Answer 11

An answer to your important question.

Please call with any problem, anytime:

Girls and Boys Town "National Hotline"

Phone: [phone]  (toll free)

Email: [e-mail]

Answer 12

Get your tubes tied, you have more than you can handle as it is. They are his kids too and he should share the work.

See id there is a mothers day out program in your area that provides inexpensive child care so you can have a few hours to yourself.

You are too young to have so many kids,

Answer 13

First, why so many kids in such a short time? How did you think it was going to be? You had the first three each a year apart...did you think it was going to get better with two more?

I'm sorry, its your children that I feel sorry for. They had no choice and you and your irresponsible husband are going to seriously affect the emotional and psychological outcome of ALL of them.

Do your kids and everyone else a favor, don't have any more!