So sad :( what is wrong with me. ?

Question

Don't ask me why :(

Its been a really really **** year and ive done absolutely no work. Ive had personal family traumas etc.

My exams went like **** and today I got my results.

Somehow I have actually done seriously well for myself and it has opened up a load of doors.

Problem is this feeling wont leave me. its a feeling of absolute hopelessness with a deep melancholy. Its pervaded me for so long. I assumed it was due to my exams but has now been proved otherwise.

I think its something to do with my family. I can't bear the thought of having to leave them etc. I know that sounds really chicken S****y and I apologise. The people i know cant wait to move away etc and would not comprehend my reluctance. I suppose I just have a deep fear for my family. illogical I know but thats it. I came really really close to losing my brother who has been ill for ages (thank god is now on the mend).

I don't know :( , all I know is that its not looking good. I just can't find anything to feel positive about. I give myself a imaginary scenario where I could have anything I want. My answer? Nothing. Obviously there is the usual material things etc, but apart from that, there is nothing meaning full to look forward to.

It seems to me that all im doing is living til the people I know die, before waiting patiently for my turn.

By now you must be thinking...........wow what a nutfuck. Apologies :X

Answer 1

Hi,

There is a great book, that I will recommend to PLEASE READ carefully. Its called SELF-DEFEAT AND SELF-REALIZATION. by Dr J Warner, published in 1966. You can find some good used copies on amazon or check it out from the library.

You sound like a person who was raised to take care of other people in your life. It is very sad and unfortunate about your brother, but it is not your fault, nor should you be feeling responsible for sticking around to help him live. It is your parent's responsibility. You should definitely support them, but don't make that stop you from living your own life.

You have passed exams and did great -- and now you are scared to move on because you didn't expect yourself to do well. You were waiting to fail, because that would make you feel better knowing that you have nothing in your future -- which would prove your self image. That is, my friend, called SELF-DEFEAT. You, literally, setting yourself for a failure, but when it somehow happens that everything is looking good and you can move on to better things, you are scared and depressed.

Read the book, please. It will help you to see what's going on. At the end of that book it will have a chapter on how to help yourself.  

Answer 2

I can relate to that.  Sometimes life is just hard and putting up with so much is overwhelming and tiring.  I've taken antidepressants and that has gotten me out of it although not fully.  You don't have to leave your family, you can call them everyday and visit.  But you do have to start your life and find some motivation.  Being happy is really hard work--how would you like to be? Trying to become that person takes up a lot of energy but at least in my case it provides more energy to keep me going. You owe it to yourself to be happy.  

I don't think you are a nut or anything I've been there for a long time...I got out of it you can too.  

Answer 3

I know the future looks bleak, but I think this is just a depressed phase you need to get over.  I'm sure you're not some little thirteen-year-old asking this question, but I do think with all the possibilities you have, you can get out of this rut.

Oh, and I'm suprised that 'nutfuck' and 'S****y' aren't blocked.  Cool.  You beat Yahoo's child language blocker.  I hate that they block f*ck.  Freedom of speech, damnit!

Answer 4

Go to the doctor. He can advise you about an antidepressant, and getting a counselor.  This will help you over come your problems.

Also, don't use "bad words" in your questions or someone will report them and you will end up having the question deleted.  If it continues, then they will close your account.  So, since you did so well on your exams; show what you know by using educated vocabulary; this will take you a lot further in your career than you can imagine.

T.