So this is confusing?

Question

So my best friend is sick and well she has a little girl who is 1 1/2 years old....umm were not sure how long she will be around for and well i was talking to her yesterday and she said that if anything happens she wants me to take her daughter. i myself have a 8 month old boy. i would love to adopt her little girl because i am so close to her. i thought talking it over with my bf first would be the best thing as it would be his life to right? well he is so agienst it and thinks that she should just go into the foster care system and hope to be adopted. I dont think thats fair.but i am confused now because for one i dont know how i would go about adopting her in the first place and the other reason is because i love my bf but i also love my best friend and her daughter. if i just let her go i would probally never see her agian and that would kill me...i was there when she was born and me and liza( my best friend) have been friends since i was 8. its a long time i am almost 22 now.

Answer 1

It's really up to you.  You are going to have to make a tough decision.  It sounds like it would be in the best interest of your friend's daughter for YOU to adopt her.  The foster care system really isn't the very best place for children.  She would adjust a lot better with someone she already knows.  I'm sorry your boyfriend has a problem with it, but I think he should be more considerate of your feelings and the situation.  It sounds like he is being very selfish.  You are being selfless by wanting to help your friend and her daughter.

Answer 2

absolutely.  foster care cannot guarantee a good home. if you will love her and would take care of her as if she were your own, she couldn't be better off. as far as the bf, how long have you been together. how is he with your child. how could he tell you, a mother to just forget about an innocent baby that you obviously have a relationship with. she has a better chance with you than in the foster care system.  she needs you.

Answer 3

Your friend needs to leave you as the guardian to the little girl.  Then when the will is read, you would be legally responsible for the girl.  If she wants you to have the girl before then, you'll have to get a homestudy and everything else done first.  Then you can take placement of her.  Once you have guardianship of her, you can adopt her legally.

Why are you with one guy if you love another?  If you are planning to have another child in your home besides the baby you already have, get your life straightened out!

Answer 4

well if you love this little girl soo much then adopt her. i think that would mean alot to your best friend i am sure you could give up your bf for her. you did sday that you still love you ex and he wants to be there for you why not dumb the *** your with now and move on figure out how to adopt this little angel and go with the ex. he seems like a better man anyhow. i hope you figure this out and i hope you make the right decision for you. good luck

Answer 5

you need to explain to your boyfriend that this is best for the child, to go to someone that she knows and loves already to make the loss of her mother easier.  i suppose he doesn't like it because it's another mouth to feed on his part right?  do it anyways and the little girl will probably grow on him and if she doesn't he's not worth having around anyways.  too cold hearted. do you have enough money to do it on your own?  you really need to consider that.  but if your ex says he'll help you financially i think you know what your answer is.

i hope everything works out for you, good luck

Answer 6

You really are a great friend and your ex sounds wonderful. Have you thought about breaking up with current boyfriend and getting back together with your ex? I would have an attorney draw up the papers. Any chance you are the girl's godmother? That would help also. That's tragic about your friend. If she dies, though, it would be in her daughter's best interests not to go into foster care. I hope all goes well and she is cured.

I have done this. I have a living will and her godparents have agreed, that if & when I die, they are to have immediate custody of my daughter.

Answer 7

Sounds like you haven't been with your current bf very long, so I can see why he might not want to take on another child that isn't his, if you are still in love with your ex, then why are you with this new guy? You have to do what your heart tells you do, not what a current bf says.

Answer 8

I agree with the previous poster about the boyfriend.  What kind of person would want to see a little orphaned baby left without anyone who loves them?  Anyway, this would be a a pretty complex adoption, so you and your friend need to seek legal aid.  If she is dieing, many family law attorneys would take the case pro bono.  You need to get all this sorted out BEFORE she passes, or the courts will take months, years even to sort it all out, and meanwhile, you never know if her biodad will show up and want her...and since he's blood will get her more than likely. So get a real attorney to advise you as soon as possible.  Also, this may sound a little tacky...but ask him if she will be eligible for Social Security Survivor benefits.  Usually children are if their parents die, but I don't know if she would be if you adopt her.  If she is eligible, she may as well get her money though.

Answer 9

really you don't NEED to adopt her. You can be her guardian and that will give her father a change to step up and change for her. then when she'd older she can decide if she wants to be adopted. If she loses her mom, that'll be it, there's no hope for a reunion in her lifetime and she should have as many links to her as possible. first, her name and the fact that that IS her mommy.

God bless you for thinking of this for her.

Answer 10

What a mess.

Look into getting an adoption lawyer - and you'll probably have to have a home study etc - I'm sure an adoptive parent will come on and give you advice on that.

Your friend will also need one - make sure they're not the same. A lawyer is meant to look after your interests.

If you did adopt this child - at least you would make sure that the child knew all about her mother - keeping her memory alive.

You've known her for such a long time - this would be a great comfort for the child in years to come.

You would be more willing to allow the child to know fully her mother, compared to another random adoptive family - and this is what is best for the child. (both because you have so much history together - and because you are fond of her)

Make sure that your friend writes out heaps of medical and family history for the child. It will make it be a great gift for her daughter when she grows up.

Also - think about taping conversations with your friend - either video or just audio - asking her questions of her favorite things - her childhood - her dislikes - her favourite memories - anything and everything.

These also will be invaluable to her daughter - the greatest gift she could ever have.

My thoughts - boyfriends come and go - kids are here for life.

Your friend is very lucky to have you in her life - and so is her daughter.

I wish you all the very best.

Answer 11

Does this friend have family? If so they need to take the child and you could always visit. If you love your boyfriend and he said no then to push him into this would only make him resent this baby girl and just how fair would that be. For right now i would just be her Friend and help her out.

  I would still try to find out about this friends parents, and other family members. To get back with ex wouldn't be good if it just over getting help with the little girl (must have had problems or you would still be with each other)

You have a heart of gold but this child is going to need more than that. Merry Christmas to you and your family and friends

Answer 12

contact an adoption agency first, also make sure your friend has her will up to date expressing her wishes that her daughter is to be placed in your care. I say go for it and too bad about your boy friend. he needs to be more supportive. you are losing a long time friend. if it was me, i'd take the child in a heatbeat and dump the guy.

best of luck! So sorry about your friend

Answer 13

I know you love your boyfriend, but I'm a firm believer that friends are friends forever and boyfriends come & go.  If this is something that can help ease your friend's mind while going through this struggle, by all means, I would consider it - regardless of your boyfriend.

Several ways to go about it would be to contact an attorney who specializes in adoptions.  He/she will best be able to answer how to start the process.  You will still need an agency to do a homestudy but most adoption attorneys can recommend one for you.

Another option would be to contact a local reputable adopiton agency that can process an "identified" adoption.  This is where the bio family has already identified a family to adopt their child.  This is what we did to insure that there were no problems with the adoption due to my son's special needs.

Good luck to you.

Answer 14

To me it sounds like a great idea! Just make sure that your friend puts something in writing to the affect that she wants you to take her. If not, she might end up in the foster care system.  I dont think any child should be in foster care, if your boyfriend thinks that then he isnt ready for family life yet. I would do whatever you need to insure you get this child. Do it legally. Make sure the father signs off. If you call your family or surrogate court system, they will answer any questions you might have. Good luck and God bless you and your friend and the children. Our prayers are with you!!

Answer 15

you need to do what is right for you if you decide to take the child you need to have papers drawn up now when she is alive namng you  if not it goes to the next closest family member who wants her if nobody does she goes into care

Answer 16

Well h**l if your ex that your still in love with says that he would help you then adopt the little girl and lose your current boyfriend.  It's your choice would you rather lose the little girl or lose your boyfriend?  If you want the girl then you should be focusing just on the adoption deal.  I don't know how to go about with the adoption process but I'm sure somebody on here will.

Answer 17

First of all make sure this is what you want to do and that you can give this little girl a good home. SOUNDS like you are confussed over wich guy to be with. You dont need to get another child if you arent sure what is going on in your life. This little girl will need a stable life. If you do go through with this go and talk to a family lawyer and have them draw up the paper work so that when and if she does pass away you can have her live with you. Then you will go through a home study and will go to court. But make sure this is the best thing for this little girl. You cant always count an EX boyfriend being there for you. Dont get in over your head.

Answer 18

I think that you shouldn't let a man that hasn't been in your life very long decide what you should do to help out a family that you love! You know what the best thing to do is, it's in your heart to help this little girl and her mother.

The only thing that I can suggest is that your best friend have a will made, in which she says that you are to be the guardian of those children. Unfortunately, unless she says that, that little girl may end up in the foster care system. It's crucial that she put her intentions in legal writing!

Good luck, follow your heart!