So upset...can it really be the way i think it is? Pls advise!!!?

Question

I have two wonderful children, a daughter of 16 months and a son of 9 weeks. Until last week my hustband has been working from home so our daughter has had our full attention 24/7 and things got a bit difficult when our son was born, she would cry and want to have milk or sit on my lap whenever i fed him but that is much better now and she is getting used to him. She has always been a daddy's girl, which probably all girls are to a certain extent, but the last few weeks she will scream the place down whenever he leaves for work or even goes to the bathroom and if i try to cuddle her, she'll just push me away and get even more desperate for her daddy...It really upsets me and i am trying to tell myself that it is just a fase beacuse of the new situation with our son and my hustbands new job (he's now away from 7am - 7pm). I have never shouted at her (of course told her NO in a strict manner) or done anything bad but still feel she's not liking me and i am soo upset...pl advise!!! Thanks

Answer 1

your daughter is ruling the roost, you need to let 16 month old cry sometimes for 5-10.min. she is old enough..then if crying persists

Time out is appropriate.. tell daughter in calm voice, she is getting out of control ,you need a.time out,pick child up carry to time out ,,,place..for my son it was his bed room with door left open.. explain to child their are many toys in their room, 10 minutes in room,is not long   has always worked very well with my child..learned this from a nurse

Answer 2

Awwww. Poor little girl just misses daddy. It is normal. Sometimes when my husband goes to work my 5 year old will sit on the couch and cry silently for a few minutes. I try to distract the situation by getting books out to read or doing a silly dance and singing until she laughs.

When she was your daughters age- she screamed the house down, too.

Maybe when he leaves - have him call on his cell phone (on his way to work) and hold it up to her ear. He can just say "I love you! I''ll be back soon." Maybe hearing his voice, as proof that he hasn't *gone away* will help.

Answer 3

Well its not that she DOESN'T like you its just that maybe cause of your son she feels a bit rejected. Does your husband ,when he's home, spend most of his time with her? If he does then that's why she wants him so bad. If he's home and your attention is on your son and his attention is on her then ofcourse she's going to throw a fit when he leaves.  So my advice is to divide your time with her and your son when he is home. Like maybe you spend 30 minutes with your son when your husband first gets home and then 30 minutes with her and your husband spends time with your son. Also for bedtime tuck her in and then have your husband come in and say goodnight and leave....It might help her with getting detached from your husband.  

Hope this helps

Answer 4

im sorry. yeah im sure this is just a phase. she is upset that you are showing your son more attention than her. try to set a time of day away that is just for her and do one on one activities together. let her cry it out. shes upset. this is perfectly normal for an older sibling to go through this and with her age, she probably doesnt fully understand what is going on. try sitting down with your daughter and the baby and explaining to her that hes the baby now and shes a big girl now. im sure its just a phase but if this does continue later on, i would definently get help

Answer 5

Please don't be upset. If you read your question, you have already answered it. Your daughter is doing all in her power to try to return the situation to what it once was, mum and dad at her disposal 24/7. It is a faze, she does love you. This may sound hard but I would probably ignore her when she cries for these reasons. If you try to comfort her when she's crying for Dad, she can take it out on you, punish you for not being Dad. Us mums always seem to get the brunt of our childrens emotions, but if you carry on with what you're doing and ignore the wailing, (hard I know), then when she does want comfort she will eventually come to you. She HAS to get used to it, there is no choice. Ignore it. Of course your daughter likes you, but don't let her emotionally blackmail you, never show her you're upset by her rejection as you'll give her power over you. Sing a song, or hum a tune or laugh loudly at the TV. Good luck, oh yea, you might want earplugs.

Answer 6

It sounds quite normal.  Perhaps have your husband do some kind of morning ritual with her so that she knows from routine, that he will be home again.  Children that young do not always handle change well.  Try to spend some time with just you and your daughter when your husband is home.  Don't take her actions personally.

Good luck!

Answer 7

She has bonded better with her father than with you. That's life, you have to accept it.

Answer 8

Try and get someone to come to your house to look after your son while you spend some quality time with your daughter, she is extremely jealous and this is how she is showing it by throwing tantrums etc... It will get easier through time but you definately need someone else helping you

Answer 9

I have seen this before when my roomates had their children: except this was a little boy having the problem.  He was "Daddy's Little man" and when Daddy started to work during the day (He had previously worked midnight, that's why the boy never missed him) the young child flipped.  Mommy has the new baby and the boy cried and cried for his father.  Yes, this was for a while, but not forever I promise!  Please don't think this is a cause of your parenting, because it is obvious you are trying.  Now, this little boy was about 2 1/2 years old, a little older than you daughter, but from what I understand, what the father did was when he was home he paid alot of attnetion to the boy's mother!  Here's why it worked:  Daddy's little man wanted to be just like daddy so when daddy left it was his job to take of mommy, a hug, a kiss ect...it worked after a little bit and things are about as normal as could be.  That was about 2 years ago and the family is about as normal as one can get.  No emtion issues or anything...

Answer 10

She probably just feels as though daddy has been the one that can give her the attention since you have the new little one but she will deffanitly get over it.  My daughter did that too when daddy stayed home from work for a while but within a matter of maybe a week of me being home more she was back to being mommys baby!  Good luck she will defanitly not take long to get over this she is still a baby :)

Answer 11

Well Im Quite Young Myself, it's really nothing to worry about- your child probly wanted  attention, and because you were busy looking after your son (which is a good thing) she thought her dad was the only one who wasn't busy. As she grows up she will bond towards you and her dad-dont worry it's nothing to get worried about.

Answer 12

your little girl has had a lot of major and very stressful changes in her life.  she's just adjusting to them and fighting to gain some control over her situation.

please don't get upset or think she doesn't love you just because she's crying for her daddy - his absence makes her feel less control and she's probably a little bit scared that with all the other changes going on, he might not come back after his day at work - you have to remember that your daughter is still just a baby herself and doesn't have the overview or the confidence to see that daddy always comes home after work!

if you and your husband switched roles and he was home all the time and it was you going out, she'd feel your absence just as much or even more.  the fact that she can take you for granted means that she trusts you more than she trusts her daddy at the moment because you're still there for her when she needs you and he isn't.

mothers often get compared unfavourably to daddies by their children because with them being home so much more it's the mothers who make the children eat their greens, tidy up etc.  but when it comes down to it, it's the mothers that the babbies can't live without.  so just understand that her being upset and crying for her daddy is her way of expressing her anxieties over her new situation as Big Sister and that it's a positive desire for him rather than a rejection of you.  her pushing you away is just sour grapes because she can't have what she thinks she really wants.

make sure that while your husband is out of the house you spend some one-on-one time with her, perhaps while the new baby is asleep, and do some fun activities with her.  this will let her know that you still have time for her and love her in spite of the new baby, and she will find this very reassuring.

you also need to remember that she has been incredibly lucky so far to have both parents on hand all the time, and she has perhaps even been a bit spoilt by this.  most children have to accept from birth that one or both parents will be out of the home during the daytime.  she might not like adjusting to the new way things are, but when she has made that transition she will have learned to be a happier, more self-sufficient person and will cope better when she herself has to leave the home to go to school or spend time with friends.

try and stay calm when dealing with her and not take her crying fits personally.  she will certainly pick up on your anxiety over her behaviour, and seeing you worrying will make her think there is something to get worried about and feed her insecurities.  you are a good mother and you are well able to care for both your children, so have the confidence that she will see this and calm down when she gets used to daddy being away in the daytime.

Answer 13

i went through that stage when i was younger, it's nothing to worry about.