Social Anxiety Question?

Question

Daft I know but I literally do not have a clue what to do or say around people, Almost like that part of my mind that controls that side of things has been formatted, When out in a social situation my mind is blank, To use another analogy, Its like clicking on a shortcut on your desktop only to discover the software has been deleted, the computer searches but doesn't find anything and reports an error. I generally act like a shy child, you know they way you would of acted with your mum when out and about and you met someone new for the first time, you went all shy, thats the way I go. 28 going on 8, I kid you not.

I was out recently in a shop, A work mate of my other halfs came over, she said, Hi How are you? Whats my wife doing today, It was 8am so I said she was in bed, she stood with a smile, you knew she was looking to make conversation but again my mind clicked on the shortcut to the communication software but the software was corrupt, we stood there with fake smiles in an uneasy silence until she said right see you later. Or at work for example people have come over and ask, "Hi, did you have a good weekend" "Yes" I reply and again same scenario, we just stand there in an uneasy silence, People only take so much of this type of behavior before they say "Stuff you" and never bother with you again, This has happened with all my work mates and family members, I also have no friends.

Can anyone relate to this? Of how exactly do I install this software again so to speak? I wasn't always like this, only in the past 7 years, and if I look at what major event happened in this 7 year period the only thing I can find is meeting my other half.

Answer 1

well you have a wife so you must be doing something right :) you're probably just being overly self conscious. try to relax and really listen to what the person's saying, how they're saying it, what their mood is etc. try to bring up topics which interest them, like their family or the news, or any projects they've got going on. if nothing else keep a list of topics ready so that you'll be able to talk about them when you're "stuck". but most of all.. relax. don't worry about what they think of you, or whether you'll look stupid or not. people usually mimic the behavior of other people, especially moods, so if you're obviously tense they're going to notice that and become tense too, which just makes things more uncomfortable. best of luck, whatever you do. you took a huge step just asking this question, so you should be proud of that at least :)

Answer 2

Coming from someone who used to be so terribly shy, I wouldn't even speak up in school to answer questions, or do oral reports (for fear of having a breakdown), I Hear You! I'm trying to think back on what it was that brought me out of my shell, but I really can't seem to pinpoint anything in particular. It seems that most of what helped me was simply to, over time, grow stronger within myself, and not worry about what anyone else thought about me. I came to realize that everyone is just a vulnerable and nervous about life and there fellow human beings as I am... it's just that some of us show it, and some of us don't. Even the most confident person in the world has fears of some kind. Once I realized that, it helped me somehow. Maybe because I am a compassionate person by nature, and it made me treat people with a better awareness of their own delicateness, or vulnerability, so I wasn't so caught up in my own. I know it changed the way I presented myself to the rest of the world. I began to be able to communicate much better once I took the focus off of myself and began being more in tune to others first. I don't know if that makes much sense to you, but it's about all I can offer. I hope it helps, even just a little.

You really have me wondering about the 7yr major event thing... I wonder if this really could have something to do with it, or could it just be coincidence? It might be worth talking to a counselor about, just to try to get some answers on what's really going on with you. Who knows?

Answer 3

I always think that anxiety is like a hamster wheel - it keeps on turning cos the hamster keeps walking! All you have to do is jump off the wheel. (please forgive the analogy).

Focus on strengths, not weaknesses. Positives, not negatives. Develop self-sufficiency in your armory. While you are doing this please google a short piece called Desiderata. I think it will help you a lot with this issue. Best wishes for now & your future. UK

Answer 4

An answer to your important question.

Please call with any problem, anytime:

Girls and Boys Town "National Hotline"

Phone: [phone]  (toll free)

Email: [e-mail]

Answer 5

Perhaps you should tell us more about your other half. Therein may lie the cause of your shyness.

I notice you allude your problem to computers and programs. Maybe you are spending too much time in that environment.