Social workers and adoption?

Question

My partner and i are in the adoption process and have been for almost two years. We are having real issues with our social worker. She seems to be doing everything against us, slowing everything down at every oportunity. We were meant to go to panel in August, then because she wasn't ready September, then October, the the end of Oct, then the beginning of Nov, then the middle, then the end, now maybe December but we've been told December is always full so i can't see us going to panel this year.

Is this how the adoption process is meant to be?

We are being pushed to our upmost limit of patience and the social worker knows it, telling me my impatience is negative towards the process and could work against me!! Come off it.

Forms have been lost, wrong forms sent out (we were blamed for this!), she has 'no' time to see us and is never ready when she does, interviewing at least one referee without making notes!

IS THIS NORMAL?

Answer 1

Your social worker is the person who will help and support you through the adoption process, therefore, if for some reason this relationship is dysfunctional then speak up...  We did because our social worker wasn't communicating properly with us i.e she went on three weeks leave and didn't tell us and we were waiting for our prep. course date.  We told them off good and proper (in a calm, constructive way) and this didn't stop things progressing.  Be bold, be brave; as you would need to be to be a Mum and Dad anyway.   The best of luck !

Answer 2

Well i can't speak for your social worker and i don't know what her issues are with this but if you are getting a negative feeling from her then that is not going to get you anywhere.  I don't know what state you are from so i can't really say what the adoption process exactly is.  

i will however clear up some myths and stereotypes so that you can have the right information.  i am a social worker for children's services in northern CA.  first of all, if you are a foster parent in the adoption process then it definitely can take a couple of years or so depending on that specific child.  it is true that when children are first brought into the system they are immediately ordered by the court to have family reunification services.  this process is usually 6-18 months depending on the age of the child.  during this time it is determined whether the parents really are capable of provided the appropriate care to that child.  if it is not then reunification services are terminated and then parental rights are terminated.  this can happen in a period of another 6 months.  if reunification doesn't happen then it is not considered the social workers fault, it simply means that those parents just don't have the capabilities to be parents.   despite what some of the other answers say, if reunification is terminated it really is the social worker's ( or should be) intention to speed up the process of adoption.  we do not get paid extra for keeping children in foster care longer.  I know this is a common myth but really our low paying government salaries really do not fluxuate where any of this is concerned.

Now, like i said your social worker may have her own issues getting into the way of your adoption process.  it could be many things, burnout from doing the job so long, prejiduce against you and your family, or just simply a person just being lazy about getting her work done.  this is not what a social worker is supposed to be and this isn't someone you should be working with.  talk to her supervisor and get to the bottom of this so that the process can move along at a faster rate.  it can definitely be normal for this process to take a long time, however you need to be treated with respect by your social worker.

Answer 3

That does not sound normal to me.  My husband and I have been trying to adopt for two years, but our approval only took a few months to get through.  We are now just waiting for a match.  Try talking to your social worker's supervisor.  Maybe just ask how the process is supposed to work.

Answer 4

Here when ever we have a problem with a sw or case manager as we call them, we are encouraged to call their supervisor.  I would elevate the situation as far as I needed to in order to get my paper work done.  

I will tell you that it took us over 10 months to get licensed and there was all kinds of bureaucratic red tape.  It does take time, and bakground checks can take a while as well.  Remember, not only does your background have to clear your state but it also goes before the FBI.  So thats all the states combined.

Answer 5

social workers have prejudices too.  It seems to me that she is dragging her feet because of hers.. she would like to see a single man adopt.. but a couple?  heaven forbid!

Contact your agency, and hire a lawyer, one who specializes in adoption law, and g*y rights.

Answer 6

Oh, how I wish it was this troublesome for everyone!

To tahola:

Bitter?  Whatev. Just love how your son was probably given up by a woman because she wasn't married--and now you're raising him without a father?  Just lovely.  What's not to love about kids being raised by strangers instead of their family?!  Thanks for 'preserving' the home you promised him.

Answer 7

I spent three years on a adoption panel and never herd of anything like you are experiencing. it sounds like your social worker is to busy to get the job done correctly and is blaming you. Have Patience, get all the paper work done etc. Remember the panel can only make recommendations, not decisions, but they carry a lot of weight. It will be worth it.

Answer 8

if you feel that this social worker isnt helping you then go ahead and complain, put in for a new one, adoption is an emotional process and all she is doing by the sounds of things is messing with your emotions.....good luck with it all

Answer 9

its not supposed to be, but unfortunately this is normal. from many experiences i have had/witnessed, social workers are very negetive and damaging to the process. they are not helpful what so ever and they definately dont have the 'family' interest in mind. i think they like to keep kids in foster homes as long as possible, maybe they get more money that way.

Answer 10

No its not normal but sadly it happens and the usual excuse is they are severely understaffed.  Truthfully i think some of them are just c**p at their jobs. I would look for another Social Worker, at the least this sounds like  a clash of personalities and thats the last thing you need when going through such a big life transition.



I was fostered/adopted myself so was already familiar with social workers, and i now work for Cafcass so regularly meet them, some are true Saints, but others to put it bluntly in my opinion are real 'dizzy mares', when they are supposed to be there to help they seem to put these huge obstacles in the way.  Its very annoying and irritating, i completely understand how you must feel.  Adopting takes a special kind of person and i like to point out that very very few Social workers have actually adopted despite seeing first hand the desperation and suffering of some of the children concerned, its kind of like a man telling a woman how to give birth.  This woman is not  there to judge you, that is not her job shes meant to guide you through the system and support you with your concerns but some of them think they know it all and its all down to them.  Yours sounds rubbish at her job. Although i wouldn't complain about her, i would just go over her head and ask her superior to allocate your case to a different Social Worker, you are under no obligation to explain why but if you chose to tell them you feel insulted by being told you are impatient, it has disgusted me that she could say that. Children are suffering and i hope to God we are all impatient to stop that!

Answer 11

that is tough! YOu dont' want to complain if it makes the whole agency take her side! Can you get a social worker on the basis that 'it is not a comfortable fit for the two of us?' or a clash on a personal level between you and her? Or perhaps a social worker from a nearby town?

Answer 12

Be very, very careful. You can ask to see the supervisor but make sure you do not criticise either the system or your Social worker. The best way is to discuss the 'system' . This way you can get your point across without making an enemy of the people you want on your side.

The process is really slow and it is frustrating when you feel the Social worker is not helping. My advice would be one of patience. Leave it until after December then start asking questions, get your MP involved this might help.

Answer 13

Adoptions are a long process and as I know you are ready for this to be over with so that you may get on with your lives...but all your waiting for is the childs last name to change (the actual adoption, correct)...the child is already in your home, live life...and take it as it comes.

Answer 14

Don't listen to Sunny. She's anti-adoption and very bitter. You have every right to adopt a child and I hope it all works out for you.  :)

I adopted my son 4 years ago in Los Angeles county. I had a great social worker  but my son's was straight from h**l! She didn't like us (me and my now ex-husband) because we aren't Hispanic and we don't speak Spanish fluently. Our son is part Hispanic (we don't know if he's Mexican, Spanish, El Salvadorian...just 'Hispanic') and apparently that was a big deal for the social worker. The birth mother didn't seems to care one way or the other, as she hadn't made specific requests for a Hispanic family (she had made other very specific requests, such as how often to cut his hair, etc.). Our son's social worker even deliberately 'forgot' to file paperwork that ultimately resulted in the adoption being delayed by a YEAR. What a peach.

Keep in mind that the child's social worker's first priority is to reunite the child with his or her birth parent(s). I was told that if they are unable to do that, even through no "fault" of their own, it is considered a failure on the social worker's part. I guess it doesn't matter if the child's birth parent(s) is on drugs, abusive, cognitively challenged, has other children who were removed from her/his care...what MATTERS is reunification! What a crock. No, not all birth parents are like the ones I mentioned above. But if you are adopting through a county or state system like I did, your child was removed from his or her birth parents' care FOR A REASON. Not because the birth parents weren't wealthy or that they didn't love their child, but because, for some reason, they were unable to properly care for him or her. These are the kids who need families most -- kids who, if not for adoption, would not be properly cared for.

Is it possible for you to talk to your social worker and tell her, gently, that you are frustrated with the delays? What is the child's social worker like? What are their supervisors like? Unfortunately, you are being treated badly but you have to tread lightly so as not to upset the social worker who really has a lot of power.

I am grateful to my son's birth mother for giving birth to such a great kid and I tell him about her whenever opportunities present themselves. Hang in there...you will be great!

Answer 15

She is doing this deliberately in the hopes that you will give up.  This is one of the most common ploys.  That is what they do to couples who they feel should not adopt babies (factory workers, non-college educated, etc.).  By delaying and delaying, you can't  say that you are being discriminated against because you don't have access to the time taken for other, more accepted couples.   Contact her superior today AND contact the person at the top.

Answer 16

HI we first adopted back in 2000 our acceptance process only took around 6 months - 1year, my husbands mother died during this time and our social worker tried to suspend our process, but we told her that if I was pregnant I could not put that on hold so why this - thankfully she listened. Anyway that's another story..

the social workers do try things to see your reaction and your compatibility with coping with problems that could arise with the child [ please remember that some children do come with some awful backgrounds, and some can be very traumatised and on occasions do have effects that come out later in life, SORRY I am not trying to put you off or any one else, just being realistic and talking from experience. And it is  worth the wait!!!! it is rewarding especially the day they call you mummy or daddy... I cried both times!!!!!!

Like someone else answered try taking up your issues with the social workers supervisor, they won't always take the s. workers side, they need to know if there are problems with this person , maybe her work load is to high  remember that your social worker does have other couples to do all at the same time and that sadly is where things can get mixed up and delayed.

to go to another agency would be a pain as you would have to start all over again.and they may ask questions on why you changed agency which could possibly go against you both.

it sounds like you guys are determined DON'T loose faith keep going and best of luck, you will be rewarded eventually...honestly you will.

Answer 17

Yes I would complain to the head of the social work department, and ask to have a different social worker allocated to your case, this must be a very stressful time for you and your wife and your social worker should be aware of this, if she is not making things easier for yous now I doubt if she will make it any easier for yous when you get to adopt a child, she sounds like the sort that will make you feel like you are not doing a good enough job raising the child ect

Take my advice change her for some one more understanding, best of luck with the adoption