Socializing and Homeschooling- a general question about previous posts.?

Question

We recently began homeschooling, and I've read through a bunch of posts. I've noticed that in a lot of cases, if someone speaks about possible negatives related to socializing and homeschooling they get a thumbsdown (or a bunch of them). Why is that?

Answer 1

> Because their statements are misleading;

> Because their statements are wholly inaccurate;

> Because they are attempting to disguise their own personal opinion as fact;

> Because they are attempting to portray their own personal opinion as fact;

> Because such opinions only serve to mislead people who come here in the expectation of finding cold, hard, reliable, accurate information about the *facts* of home-ed;

> Because the real-life existence of their alleged 'possible negatives' is not supported by any of the evidence-based research;

> Because, despite several requests to do so, not one of them has ever cited a single (substantiable) reference in support of their 'facts';

> Because they confuse 'socialising' with 'socialisation';

> Because typically they are confusing issues of poor parenting with supposed issues of home-ed.

> Because typically they are taking their own v.limited experience then extrapolating and applying it across the whole world of home-ed

Edit: I don't believe anyone here is saying one can't discuss socialising (or socialisation); just, if one is to do so, then it's only fair to those people who come here looking for *reliable* and *accurate* information, if such conversation is grounded in fact or, at the very least, that personal opinion is clearly identified as being personal opinion.

The current situation here r.e. any discussion about home-ed. is that all too often people are deliberately, if not necessarily maliciously, misleading others by misrepresenting their own (oft-ill informed) opinions as somehow being cold, hard, proven facts.

Answer 2

I've given some anti-homeschooling answers thumbs-up, because they do raise some relevant points. Homeschooling is not a magic elixir that will get your 14-year old in to Harvard with the first three years out of the way.

In general, though, I give those answers a negative response because they speak about all homeschoolers in a negative, uneducated light. "Homeschooled kids don't go out in the world and make friends; how can you make friends if your mom is always watching you?" There is nothing valid in that sentence, and nothing that warrants a positive response.

When someone brings up that homeschooling could, in some cases, be bad for a child's social development, I might give that person a thumbs-up. I know a kid who lives in a tiny, rural 'town' in the Catskills. Honestly, it's more of a road than a town. This kid has virtually no social skills, and it's because where he lives, school is the only possible place for anyone to make friends. There are larger-scale reasons why that's the case, but that's beyond the scope of a standard dialog about homeschooling.

Homeschooling isn't the answer for everyone, but if you're going to bring up the negatives, you should at least be accurate.

Answer 3

I'll compare it.

Taking a gun to school is wrong.   We read from time to time that someone takes a gun to public school.

If, everytime someone mentioned public school, my reply was that I could not send my kid to public school because he did not own a gun, it would be silly.

Socialization does occur outside of the classroom.   We do not need to put our kids in an age segregated setting for them to interact with others.   Most homeschoolers are not reclusive in their life styles.   There may be a few, but probably about the same percentage as public school students who carry a gun.    

I work in the public school and we have students who are loners there.   If they were decide to homeschool, they would probably  still be loners.      I would not blame it on homeschooling.

Answer 4

I just think alot of homeschoolers are just trying to hide, show and try to prove that it's not a problem.

I don't think there's a person in this section who gets me thumbs down than me, lol.

I don't try to say that everyone's like that. But being social, and making friends being homeschooled IS a problem for me.

I just try to state that it's a possibility, and I just don't want other kids to turn out like me.

That's why I'm against homeschooling.

Again! Personal opinion. I'm not claiming to state a fact or say all homeschoolers are. Just going off what I've seen and known.

Edit: Glurpy, I say that I'm against homeschooling because I feel whether parents or homeschoolers will admit or even know it. It will hurt them in many aspects of life in the future. I just feel that I'm not blind, and I can see it, and I don't choose to ignore it just because you or other people think it's fine. I'm just going off my experience, and knowing and examining other people who are homeschooled.

And the milk thing was funny. But obviously if you saw other people drinking alot milk, and knowing they're going to, let's say, ride a roller coaster in 100 degree summer weather (Sorry, that's kind of a bad analogy, but hopefully you get my point)  in a little while. Even though they may not see it, they're probably going to get sick. Wouldn't you try to let them know about it? And say "Guys you may not think or see it, but drinking all that milk and riding a roller coaster in this weather isn't probably the best idea".

But just because you would probably get sick doesn't mean everyone would.

So maybe there's no sense in at least telling them that there's a good (From personal knowledge) and most likely possibility that they will get sick? Just because not everyone gets sick?

Just a thought.

Answer 5

I think because many people panic about socialization for their kids....but this is a short sighted veiw....how many friends from school  do most people have still as adults...not many. Also there are SO many options for kids to meet others at clubs and activities...far too often school is a nightmare of stress and worry....life is for living and kids should enjoy learning....

Answer 6

Hannah M. pretty much said it all.

I use the thumbs down in the following circumstances:

- an answer is inaccurate

- an answer is rude

- an answer is off-topic

- an answer is misleading

- an answer provides no value

- an answer is just spewing uninformed stereotypes

- an answer misuses the word "socialization"

- an answer wrongly *assumes* that homeschooling equates to NEVER getting out of the house

- etc.

Socialization is cultural indoctrination (look it up - I've posted the definition here a dozen times)

We DO have a social activity problem but that is not a characteristic of homeschooling.  It is because we live in the middle of nowhere.  Our ds attended ps here for a couple of years and the *social activity* situation for him was worse with ps than it is with homeschooling.  

There is very little social activity time that actually occurs during the 7 hours of bricks and mortar school time.  After school social activities through the ps was very limited - ballgames mostly.

With homeschooling we have so much more flexibility with taking advantage of social activities.  The downside for us is we have to drive a lot.  So for us, keeping our son connected was a problem with ps and is with homeschool by virtue of living in a remote location.  

It is not an inherent characteristic of homeschooling and we mitigate by getting out a lot, our ds attends at least one college campus summer camp every year, is very involved with clubs and our coop, etc.

Positive socialization (e.g. cultural indoctrination) vs. what we see as very negative socialization (pop culture obsession, glorifying sports over academics, bullying, negative peer pressure, etc.) is one of the reasons we love homeschooling.

Our ds is around and learning from kids of a wide age range who are without exception polite, supportive, studious, respectful, helpful, friendly, etc.

So - I freely admit that we have a *social activity* challenge. But as stated that is because of living in a remote location not because of homeschooling.  We make the deliberate effort to overcome that challenge.

We do not have a *socialization* problem.

***UPDATE:

You said: "It just seems like the word socialize is taboo here."

Consider your own question about socialization.  It is legitimate, well worded and thoughtful.  Are you getting slammed by anyone by asking your question about socialization? No.

You are getting thoughtful and meaningful responses.

Now, when someone (and someone will) posts an answer to your question that is an uninformed stereotype / generalization about homeschool and socialization - watch... they will get thumbs-downed and deservedly so for the reasons enumerated by Hannah and others.

Socialization taboo? No.  

Will misinformation (or disinformation)  be challenged? Yes.

Answer 7

We don't thumbs-down them because we think that all homeschooled kids are wonderfully socialized, just by the virtue of homeschooling.

We thumbs-down them for the reasons that have been stated - they state a stereotype as if it were gospel truth.  If I went on the Veg/Vegan board and stated that everyone there was insane because meat is the greatest thing ever, I'd be thumbs-downed.  If I went on Teaching and stated that every teacher there was fighting a losing cause to turn our kids into robotic little monkeys, I'd be thumbs-downed.  In both cases, it wouldn't be because I was stating my opinion, or case study, or anything like that...it would be because I was spouting off about something that is inherently false.

(By the way, I don't believe either of those statements - I was simply making a point.)

The same thing with the people who come over here and say things like, "I met two kids that used to be homeschooled, and they didn't fit in with my friends, so homeschoolers are socially retarded" or "Homeschooling is the worst thing ever because you need to go to school to learn to deal with other people", those statements are inherently false.  Do those two homeschooled kids speak for the other 2 million+?  Is school the ONLY place where kids can be around anyone?  Gracious, what did society do for the thousands of years before public schools were created?  Did we just have a society of people who couldn't speak to each other, in every single culture?

I realize that my comments seem a bit snarky, but when you think about the socialization comments we get here, they apply.  The comments that state "the child might not be around as many kids, so involve them in something like sports or Scouts" don't generally get thumbs-downed.  Those statements are stating a possible negative that parents need to be aware of.  However, sweeping generalizations (often completely blown out of proportion) that are stated as fact - yes, we thumbs-down those in a heartbeat, and will continue to do so.  :)

Answer 8

Actually, the word "socialize" is taboo with non-homeschoolers who don't do their research.  That and "math," lol.

The number one "accusation" thrown at homeschoolers is that our kids don't socialize, have no friends, etc.  With just a bit of research, people kind find out how easily homeschoolers can make friends and participate in many activities.

Just my 2 cents.

Be well.

Answer 9

The reason people give a thumbs down to negative comments about socialization is because, by far and large, the comments aren't about POSSIBLE difficulties, they are stated as absolute facts--"your kids won't have friends", "they won't know how to interact with others," etc. Or if someone says they "think", it still means they believe it's true, as though homeschooled kids are kept in closets all day long.

Considering social issues is completely different from portraying all kinds of socializing problems as an inherent part of homeschooling when it's not. It's not that the word is taboo, it's that the same ignorant things are said over and over and over and over and over. It gets very tiring.

Not to mention that a thumbs down does NOT mean that it shouldn't have been said; I'm not sure why people keep thinking it's a censoring mechanism. A thumbs down means the answer is not a good one--that the information is incorrect or that you disagree with what's being said. Are people not allowed to disagree?

ADDED: Max, Max, Max--you go on about how it's not right for you, but then you state you are against homeschooling, which means that you don't believe anybody should homeschool. Do you know how many happy homeschoolers there are out there? Yes, things went wrong for you for whatever reason. Maybe you weren't a good candidate, maybe your homeschooling wasn't conducted well, maybe where you live it's just difficult for somebody with your personality. Who knows. But making the blanket statement about being against homeschooling because it was bad for you is like me saying I'm against small towns because I spent many of my childhood years in one and it was awful. Or me saying that nobody should drink milk because I'm allergic to it and it does awful stuff to me when I have too much in my system. All of this is why you get the thumbs down (although, admittedly, I feel too many people give you thumbs down in situations where you AREN'T making blankets statements--some people are too thumbs-down happy).