Sole custody vs. visitation?

Question

I was awarded sole custody of my son because my ex-boyfriend blew off all court proceedings when he was a baby. Then 4 1/2 years later we decided to try to work things out for our son's benefit so we moved in together. Now after trying for 3 years I want out - he has become verbally and physically abusive, he is doing drugs, and has began trying to brainwash my son that "mommy is bad" because he wants to take my son away from me. My son does not understand what is going on just that mom and dad are fighting and don't want to be together. My son has said he wants to live with me and just visit his dad which is fine with me as long as we as parents can come to an agreement. I guess my question is though - can he take away my full custody rights?

Answer 1

No he cannot unless he goes and gets a lawyer than court will start up again.  If you were awarded sole custody you do not even have to let him see his son.  I would say get out.  Unless he can prove you are an unfit mother he cannot do anything.  There is no reason you have to let your son see him.  And if he is trying to "brainwash" your son, why would you let him see him.  From experience verbal abuse only turns into physical abuse, get a restraining order.

Answer 2

Johhny B and TxMom are both right.

In most cases now, 'joint placement' is put into order.  This IS where the child will have two homes.

Unfortunately, the burden of proving that your ex is unfit is up to you.  You really do need to document everything....and get the heck out of there.  It does not bode well for you if you stay in a potentially dangerous situation with you child and then tell the courts how awful the ex is.   You must be proactive.

Be strong and good luck.

Answer 3

Unless you are a really bad mom, the courts (US anyway) won't take away your rights.

Do make sure you have a good attorney for your son's sake. Doesn't sound like dad is a parent he should be spending a lot of time with right now.

Answer 4

Not very easily, especially if he is abusive and on drugs. It sounds like you should leave and be done. The abusiveness is not good for the child, no matter what he understands. Kids comprehend a lot more than what we think. Example: when my ex husband and I were still married (he also was physically,mentally,and verbally abusive) my 6 year old daughter said to me "Mommy, Daddy is not a good husband to you" ; that is hard to hear from a little one. She helped me make up my mind. Not only for myself, but for the welfare of my daughter and my son. Now the kids live with me and visit their dad. We get along now and everyone is happy. Your child really needs to be in a non abusive, stable environment.

Answer 5

he can fight you on it but since you were awarded sole custody in the beginning he prob won't win...your son is too young to voice his opinion, the court won't take it into consideration...start documenting the abuse..write it down..take pictures...record him anytime you can..have as much proof as you can when you go to court...do not underestimate him so watch your step and mind your tongue esp around your son...find a good lawyer..if you can't afford one see if your city has legal aid like we do..if you qualify all your fees are free to you and your ex has to pay them........good luck

Answer 6

not at all.  Move out and establish a safe envirnment for you son.  Then file for Child support.  You will have to be "UNFIT" for the courts to take away custody.  He can get joint or visitation, but that's about the just of it

Answer 7

He can petition the court for full custody, but given his previous track record, I doubt that will happen.  If he is doing the things he's doing now, you need to get proof.  Record conversations where he's being abusive, record conversations when he's telling your son that you're "bad".  Proof is your strongest ally.  Let him petition for full custody, that way he'll have to pay the court cost to start the proceedings.  If he wasn't given visitation by the courts, then you're not obligated to give them to him.  If he's not paying child support, the minute he petitions the court for anything, the court will make him pay, not just from now, but for the past 4 1/2 years.  Either way, the situation will only work in your favor.  Get out and find your own house and your own life.  If he's not careful and you do get proof of his verbal abuse, the only thing he'll get is supervised visitation.  Good luck

Answer 8

Do not confuse the terminology.

Custody-It defines who has the final decision making power and responsibility

Visitation-Regardless of who has custody this is no more or less than staying at the other parent's home for a defined period of time.

Joint custody-shared decision making power and responsibility.  This does not mean that the child has two homes, the courts or parents will decide where the child sets up primary residence.

Someone cannot just come in and take away custody...the courts must decide.

Also...while someone can get custody changed, it is not easy.  They do not have to prove anyone to be "unfit", this is an urban myth.  They have to prove that they are the better parent.  It takes time and many hours in state supervised counseling.

Answer 9

If he fights for it, he can probably get joint custody, depending on the judge they might look at his record of showing up and say no.  If you can come to an agreement then you wont have to worry about the court. Best of luck!!

Answer 10

He has no ability to take away your rights without HIM spending much money and prooving that he is NOT a dirtbag- which is how you describe him to be now...

Answer 11

get moved and get out of there and get a lawyer now