Man1: how many women do you believe must a man marry?
Man2: 16
Man1: Why?
Man2: Because the priest says 4 richer, 4 poorer, 4 better and 4worse...
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An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time.
'I have good news and bad news,' the owner replied. 'The good news is that a gentleman enquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings.'
'That's wonderful,' the artist exclaimed. 'What's the bad news?'
'The guy was your doctor.'
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Casey complained, "That new dance hall is crowded to the roof and all up the staircase. It's not to be wondered that people don't go there."
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What is a mixed feeling?
When your lawyer wife wants a divorce.
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Did you hear about the atheist dyslexic?
He stayed up all night wondering if there is a dog.
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Why was the blonde staring at the orange juice?
Because the box said 'concentrate'.
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What did the blonde take to bed?
A ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
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A man walks into a shop, and see's a blonde standing in front of two different coloured scarves, putting lipstick on her forehead.
'Um... excuse me, but what are you doing?' he asks.
She replies, 'I like both of these scarves, so I'm making up my mind'
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Did you hear about the blonde who missed the 44 bus?
She took the 22 twice instead.
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There are two sisters, a blonde and a brunette. The brunette goes to a bull auction, and buys a bull.
After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says,
'I want to send a telegram to my Sister telling her that I've
bought a bull for our farm. I need her to hitch the trailer to our ute and drive out here so we can haul it home.'
The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds,
'It's just 99p a word.'
Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word. After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says,
'I want you to send her the word 'comfortable.'
The operator shakes his head.
'How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your ute and drive out here to haul that bull back to your farm if you send her just the word comfortable?'
The brunette explains, 'My sister's blonde. It's a big word. She'll read it very slowly ... com-for-da-bul'
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What did the elephant say to the man?
It's cute, but can you pick up peanuts with it?
Hope you like them!
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